Hi all. I identify myself as a bisexual male. My childhoood started as straight, then I thought i was gay and now I am comfortable with saying that I am bi. I won't divulge into my childhood as that's pretty much off topic. My concern is that I am an awkward bisexual. I am a person that has never enjoyed sex. I have had sex with both a male and a female an neither were able to satisfy my needs and give me an orgasm. I lost my virginity to a man and my first sexual encounter with him was pretty bad, boring a best. I never reached climax or ejaculated and never understood why. My next partner was also a male and I acted as a bottom this time and I hated it, almost traumatizing. Next was with a women, it was nice and I was getting really into her and loved her body, but there was no emotional attraction and that same night she gave me blue balls. When we did finally have intercourse, there were times where I lost my erection, even while I was inside her. Uncomfortable, embarressing and quite terrible. So I never knew what my problem is and know what I really am. I've never had a meaningful relationship nor a successful sexual encounter and wondering what are some steps i should be taking. I've considered psychological help or therapy.
There is no harm in talking with a doc and checking that all the equipment is in perfect working order. Judging by your posting here however, it seems that you are facing two basic sets of issues: First off, you want to know who you really are? Bi, gay, str8? Do not waste too much time on this one. Be content with being yourself, and take your time to explore your sexuality. If you definitely seek a definition, agree with yourself that you are gay, if most of your sexual fantasies involve sex with other males, bi, if you are equally daydreaming of having sex with both males and females, and mostly str8, if you mostly see women as objects of your sexual fantasies. After a while, once a certain pattern of your behavior emerges, you´ll see who you really are. Second off, you might be having too high expectations when it comes to having sex. More often than not, casual sex is not tremendously fulfilling. The fact that the porn producers and the media want you to believe that it always is, is basically a smart marketing ploy. You may have had a bad luck so far, and your hitherto partners may have not been the right people for you. By that same token, you might have had specific expectations that these people did not want to/manage to fulfill. You want to look into your communication skills here, AND you may also want to answer a simple question: what did you do to get your orgasm? It always takes two to tango, and you ought to make sure that your steps and moves are right, too. Keep in mind that casual sex rarely, if ever creates the sense of emotional fulfillment. Casual sex is a simple, if very efficient response to a basic urge to have sex. It is a bit far-fetched to expect that a sexual act alone would create emotional bonds on its own merit. This happens sometimes, but not too often. KD
Your childhood may not be off topic at all. If you had at least one "almost traumatizing" sexual experience very young, that could have a lot to do with your sexual dysfunction.
childhood probably relevant here cos this isn't 'normal'. Casual sex isn't necessarily a really emotional thing, but it should normally bring you closer to the person you are with and it should be at least exciting and leading to orgasm (for males anyway!). There's definitely something not quite right in what you've said. If you are lucky enough to have a counsellor to speak to then you should imo! It doesn't seem from your post that you seem to have a healthy sex drive, not sure, you didn't say your age, but it seems like something in your past has put you off sex. But that's for you to establish with some therapist. Good luck and it's not worth worrying about, you can get it sorted out.
Thanks to everyone that responded, I haven't had much time to make a response, sorry that it's taken so long. KewlDewd: Yes, you are definitely right about those two problems. I do seek a definite label and I'm putting a lot of emphasis on it because I want to know what I should be going for. One of my main fears when dating is that I will date one sex and then my feelings will change and I'll want the other sex. I fear hurting my partner, I've done so in the past and it kills me. Yea, from what I hear from my friends and from what I see on porn, it's very intense and something that everyone seems to want. I lack in this department and don't care much about it. I sometimes have to force myself to say "hey, I really want to try and do her/him." Deep down, it's like whatever to me and I fear that when I do have sex, I'll just get soft during. For all instances, I've had to masturbate in order to get an orgasm. Avatar: No, I haven't had any traumatizing experiences during childhood. ToiletRolls: My age is 21. I definitely don't have a healthy sex drive and cannot understand why. Most of my friends say that it's stress and over analyzing, but it's been going on for a LONG time. I will definitely try to seek out a counselor or go back to my therapist that I used to see. I also seem to be falling into a funk that I cannot get myself out of. Agh...
Hey Sonic: You want to lighten this up a bit. I perfectly agree with you that you want to know who your partner(s) ought to be, in order not to intentionally hurt other people. Yet, we are talking "dating" here. Not a life-long binding commitment. The fact that "dating' involves a high degree of flexibility is not purely a conventional matter. It is mostly a result of eons of human evolution. You date precisely because you are NOT sure that the person you feel attracted to is the RIGHT one for you. When you start dating someone, both parties understand only too well, that this may (and it usually does) end up with a break up. No one really gets hurt beyond the usual. In other words, if you play the ball, you MAY get hurt. No one has stopped playing the ball because of that. And no one should really stop dating because he or she may get hurt, since your interest in them may (or may not) fade away. This simply comes with the territory... Getting into anything while thinking "whatever" is a perfect prescription for a total disaster and a complete failure. Why would you want to bother, if it is really "whatever" to you? If you do not have a normal sexual drive you want to look into this, and determine if the problem has a hormonal background, or if you have a very strong asexual aspect. I have met a few guys over the years who have led happy and fulfilled lives while being asexual. Sex in any form or variety simply did not float their boat... My first step though would be to get in touch with a good MD and run a serious battery of tests to make sure the medical side of the story is OK. KD
I hope you get to discuss this with someone and get some clarity with your feelings. I hope you get yourself sorted physically and mentally, and you shouldn't worry. Worry only makes matters worse why be miserable when you can enjoy yourself. Life is short and precious so enjoy it as much as you can, that's the priority, not sex! Let us know how you get on. We are all here for you!
Yea, you're right that it's only dating, but even just dating can hurt a person. My first relationship with a girl turned out to be a disaster. I was attracted to her and I asked her out. We dated not long, and only had two dates. Spoke to each other everyday (over a span of a like maybe only three weeks) and she already says that she loves me. I was stupid enough to say that I loved her back when I knew deep down that I didn't. Big mistake. After a while, I grew distant from her and she became very upset and I then had to tell her that I didn't feel the same way as her and she was devastated. It was a really bad. I never heard from her again and she never signed on to her myspace again. Yes, I will definitely get in touch with my doctor. Thanks for your response. I will get in touch with my doctor. Yea, I'm slowly realizing that living life is a privileged and I need to live my life to the fullest. We only get one. Thanks for your response as well.
I'm bisexual and married and my wife supports me. I only love what's between the guys legs nothing else....
