Love And Lust In Relationships - My Issue

This my first post here at the Hip Forum, and I want to share my current situation of love and lust in my relationship and hopefully get some advice! However I think it would also be cool to hear the situations that other people are going through; good and bad!

So.....

My girlfriend and I (male) are both 24, we met at Uni and have known her for 6 years and been in a relationship for 3.5 years.
We got together in the last year of university so spent a lot of time together initally, after Uni we both moved back home. We live just over an hour drive from each other and since leaving Uni see each other on average ever 2 weeks for the weekend.

The crux of the issue is that I lust over (a lot) her yet she's lost her lust for me. We still have a sexually active relationship, however I mostly instigate and the frequency has diminished along with her sex drive over the last year. Our sex is 2 sided and I always make sure that she is satisfied. I understand that the sex and lust will not be the same as it was at the start of our relationship however the difference between us is becoming difficult (mostly for me).

After subtly trying to help the situation I then spoke to her about how I feel, but this just made her self-conscious and worry her about the issue, which in turn made the situation worse. She shows very little lust or attraction to me but is really happy and content in our relationship.

I have now started to doubt my relationship and my thoughts and attractions are now turning to other women. I haven't acted on them and thats the last thing I want.

I can't carry on in my relationship like this, but I don't want to leave her because everything else is great!


Any advice for me?

 

Have you tried asking her if anything is wrong?You're right in respect that your sex drive might wane after the initial "honeymoon"phase is over.Is she totally refusing to make love?Maybe as you dont see eachother that often,and for not long extended periods,maybe she prefers to do other stuff?Have to talked about the future as in plans together?Or are you (yourself)happy to spend the odd weekend together rather than make any future commitments?
Maybe she is bored with sex and needs some added excitement?

 

Sounds lame. Hopefully you got your kicks while you were in school. Wouldn't want to be searching for honey with the ol' ball and chain around your ankle.

 

dude...lose the girlfriend.....no way a girlfriend from when you are 18 is ''the one''

its over...people mature and change....cut the poor girl loose...


the wrong thing would be to cheat and deceive her....let some other slob have a run at her and you back off to explore your lust for other babes

 

Its probably worth considering what your girlfriends libido is like generally without a relationship as a factor in its current waning. Also, as others have mentioned, its not uncommon for long term relationships to see their sexual aspects fizzle with time. Sometimes distance makes this moreso, sometimes the opposite where being seperated a lot makes the couple very lustful as well as cohabitating can have both effects as well.
You may also look at the routine of the time you do spend together: when you get to visit do you go out for dates, spend time with mutual friends, preform various recreational activities with one another, or simply sit alone at the house being couch potatoes? This same consideration should apply to your sex life as well, even if everyone's getting off she as much as you may be longing for something new to break the cycle. Its important to keep any long term relationship exciting both in and outside the bedroom, and get out of your collective comfort zone. This, even if ultimately unsuccessful, causes chemicals that have grown dormant to revitalize in the brain.
As far as recovering from how your girl has grown uncomfortable with herself sexually, reflect on the variables of the conversation you had and how you approached her verbally and sublingually. The best time to have such a discussion is directly after a good sex session, not really any other time. Do your best to continually reassure her you care for her and the well being of your relationship as the reason youre bringing up the subject, and be frequently giving explicit compliments and reasons you find her attractive.
When youre apart you can also keep the lust alive by exchanging nudey pictures, favored porn clips/pics/tumblr blogs, naughty texts/voice messages of fantasized activities for when you next get together, and links to toys/lingerie you shop for online which would likely be received with extra enthusiasm if you then purchased some of which for when you visit.
You did the right thing by trying to dialogue communally about the issue, and sometimes no matter how well you put your position into words the person is going to get upset. Remember she cant help how she feels any more than you can help your feelings so they can't reasonably be held against either of you, but its important for you both to keep those feelings in perspective pertaining to how they effect your interactions.

 

One weekend every 2 weeks.

Find a different girl for the other weekend