Looking at other girls

I don't know what the deal is, maybe I should learn to get over it, but it makes me feel insecure when my boyfriend talks about other girls or there are other hot girls in the room. I'm cute, pretty, beutiful, whatever... but I'm not hot, you know what i'm talking about? I'm not skinny, but I'm not fat, and I will never be that hot girl that every man dreams about. How do I deal with this? I hate porn for the simple fact that my boyfriend loves it, it just makes me sick to think that he's fantasizing about another woman other than me. I mean, I do look at other guys but I don't think about having sex with them in my mind like he does with girls. He couldn't believe that I don't think about fucking other guys the way he thinks about fucking the shit out of other girls. What the fuck? Maybe b/c I'm content although he says he is. I know he is and other than this little situation that pops up occationally we have a good relationship. I've just been down about it latley.

 

Are all guys like this? He says they are but some have more self control than others. I know he will never cheat on me, and that's what he means by self control. He says that every man looks and thinks about having sex with other women but it's the faithful ones that have self control. What if I was really fucking hot, don't you think that I would be the only one he would want to look at? Probably, but since I'm not, then he has to look at everyone else. Fuck that.

 

he has a dick, it makes him check other chicks out, it doesnt mean hes fucking them. thoughts never hurt anyone. yes all guys are like this, i love my girlfriend and wouldnt cheat on her but when i see a girl with a nice ass i take a second look, it doesnt matter how hot your girlfriend is guys like variety to look at.

 

You know, i felt the same way when i was with my ex. I felt so insecure, when he looked at other girls, not because i thought he'd be fantasing with them but cos i actually didnt trust him...do you trust your boy? If you dont well, i think this whole thing starts in your head.
I cant really say anything to help you cos I've felt that way and it really sucks...thats one of the reasons why i'd rather be single now to be honest. anyway, have you told him about this? maybe you need some reassurance.
anyway good luck!

 

Not all guys are like this and you don't need to settle for that if it makes you uncomfortable. My ex was not like that. Infact none of the guys I've dated have been that way. That's not to say I haven't been out with guys like that, but I didn't stick around long enough to let it bother me. If you expect certain things from your relationship then you should not settle for less than that. And any man who doesn't live up to that isn't worth having in my opinon. It's one thing to be a bit insecure in your relationship because you sometimes we are just insecure with ourselves and that stretches over into our relationship. But it's another if your man is actually doing things and saying things to make you feel that way. My .02 cents.

 

Honestly how can one or two guys speak for all guys?

 

Some of you just respect their girlfriends and relationship more than others. No not all guys are like that. And you can't speak for all men. but alot of men are this way. shall we compare this amount of men to the growing amount of lesbians in this country?

 

You can't speak for my man whom you do not know. But continue on.....

 

haha. You know nothing. To think you know about someone you've never met is more naive. And so is that statement.

 

Well. . .If he didn't like other girls, would giving them up for you be such a sacrafice? My advice is to keep this in mind, while asking him not to talk about other girls in front of you, because it bothers you.

 

My significant other probably looks at other girls, hell, I guess I don't pay all that much attention. If he did, I would be OK with it...as long as he wasn't acting on it. If he was going to leave me because some other girl has a nicer ass or bigger boobs...well, then that's pretty shallow of him and I wouldn't want to be with someone like that anyway. Sometimes if we're watching TV, he'll say, "Oh, she's pretty" or "She's cute"...but I look at it as, well it's not like he has any chance with them anyway.

Funny thing is...I never look at other guys...I don't even say a guy is attractive on a TV show or movie. I don't know...I think it would make him feel bad, so it's just best if I keep any comments like that to myself.

What was the question again?

*laughs*

 

I guess it depended on who I was with. My most recent ex I almost never looked at any other girls cause I was fine with her. If I did I felt guilty. My ex from last year, I looked at girls all the time but kept it to myself so maybe its all part of growing up. I just got into a new relationship yesterday so I will get back to you in a while and see if I have progressed or regressed, haha.

 

how frequently does he complement you on the way you look, compaired to how often he comments on others?

if he constantly says that others are hot and bangin' and gorgeous, but never says anything nice about the way you look, then that's a bad sign and i would definitely call him out on it. but if he says that you're hot and beautiful, and that others are simply cute, that's easier to accept. there's also a difference between saying he wants to screw someone impossible (like a movie star) and talking about how much he wants to screw his neighbor or best friend.

if he says everyone is hot, but never says that you're hot, i can totally understand how that would make you feel insecure.

and it doesn't sound like you're completely worried about trusting him not to cheat... it also sounds like you're concerned if he (still?) finds you attractive.

you also said you're concerned when other hot girls are in the room. watch his body languange... when you're sitting next to him and he crosses his legs, does he cross them towards you, or away from you and towards the girl on the opposite side of the room? people tend to cross their legs in the direction of whom -- or what -- seems most agreeable. my phil professor crosses his legs in accordance with whomever's arguments he agrees with, and will change positions when someone makes a better/worse point. also, look at the way he positions his upper body. this also deals with where attention is focused. like when people are watching tv. or someone who wants to leave might focus their body on the door. look at a group of people standing in a circle, or two people caught up in conversation (perhaps the less interested one will position their body away from the other person, and towards the door). hopefully all of that makes sense.

anyway, if he's ignoring you while leaning into a conversation with some random hot girl, just touch him. subtly grab his hand, or put your arm around him... it's like a subtle way to say, "hey, remember me?" just don't abuse this one and hang off of his arm all night.

 

Several things come to Mind reading this Thread:

Making a mountain of a mole hill.

Never speak in Absolutes.

It's alright to look but not touch. (Usually True)
It's alright to look but don't speak. (Depends on your SO)

Blowing things out of proportion.

Analyzing a subject to Death...

 

"your boyfriend is immature and doesn't have his priorities straight...

looking at other women when he supposedly loves you is bullshit"

"Not all guys are like this and you don't need to settle for that if it makes you uncomfortable. My ex was not like that. Infact none of the guys I've dated have been that way. That's not to say I haven't been out with guys like that, but I didn't stick around long enough to let it bother me. If you expect certain things from your relationship then you should not settle for less than that. And any man who doesn't live up to that isn't worth having in my opinon. It's one thing to be a bit insecure in your relationship because you sometimes we are just insecure with ourselves and that stretches over into our relationship. But it's another if your man is actually doing things and saying things to make you feel that way. My .02 cents."

My, the thought police are out in force on this thread.

Some guys have huge sex drives. Some have smaller ones. It doesn't really matter if the low-libido man is myth or reality, because he's not who you're dating. Should men with large sex drives not get laid because of it? Very ironic.

What happened to accepting people for who they are? It's not like he's cheating on you. If he were, he'd probably shut up about it. If I were you, I'd be happy about having a boyfriend who's honest about liking other women. Honesty is good, right?

If you only want to date guys that have small libidos or lie about their large ones, than that's your choice. But I don't like how Elle is saying that it's his fault. If something I am makes my girlfriend insecure, I'm suposed to hide it from her? Pretend to be exactly who she wants me to be? I'll bet that you complain about men not talking about their emotions enough, too!

I agree with Zeppelina. You have to think about weather or not you trust him. If you know that you're not the most attractive woman in the room, than you shouldn't be upset that your boyfriend is attracted to someone else. That's just natural. Sex drives don't suddenly change because you're in a relationship. But who's he going home with? What does that say about his opinion of your character? And that's what's more important, is what he thinks about you inside. If you are worried that he's going to be with a woman that he's more attracted to than you, than that sais something about your opinion of his character. And y'know what... if you're uncomfortable being with a man with a large sex drive, than maybe you should dump him and find someone more suitable to your taste. But don't try to push the blame onto him. He's just honestly being who he is.

 

porn is unacceptable? and your not brainwashed by the religious right.

 

Agreed.
I especially wonder about the last line
"and in my opinion, he needs to get his ass kicked"

That really solves a problem if indeed there's a problem, eh?

Preadolescent mentality...

 

im not saying your guy should hide it, but it really shouldnt be put in your face. i have a hard time not checking out every girl i see, this comes from years of being single and not having anyone tell me to stop. i really dont care for porn. he is a man though, but he dosent seem to respect you much, by acting this way around you, he's probably shopping, meaning its more than he's checking out girls, he's looking for a different one.

 

???

This Forum has enough clairvoyance for the entire Web...
*slowly shaking Head*