I think I have a hard time forgiving and forgetting. Most of the time I get over small wrongs done to me or someone close to me after an issue is resolved. Sometimes I keep bringing up bad feelings over issues that have been worked out, almost as if they hadn't been worked out. Even if nothing really bad happened I sometimes still feel pissed off if someone thinks they got away with something. I guess it all depends on the situation. My boss just blew tons of smoke up our asses at work this morning. We all know he is full of bull. The circumstances aren't really important it's just insulting that he thinks we fall for his crap. Some of us are irritated about the meeting and some aren't commenting. In this situation, I will still talk to my boss as usual but I won't stop being pissed. My wife has no problem forgiving and forgetting anyone who wrongs her. Once everything blows over, even if the person that is in the wrong does not apologize, to her everything is ok. I don't know how she does it. She can smile and be be friendly to some asshole who does wrong over and over, apologizes and does the same shit again. This happens to her a lot at work. Is she just a saint or am I just an asshole myself?
I think you need to hunt that person down and teach them a lesson they won't soon forget! I forgive a lot of mistakes, and overlook a lot of people's shortcomings. It's part of living with others. People aren't perfect, you're not perfect, I'm not perfect. If we severed relations with everyone whom ever displeased us, we would be alone. However, if a person repeats the same mistake that genuinely riles me. Or I feel they are disingenuous, I will cut ties and move on. I might even become really angry, resentful and hold a grudge it just depends on what they did to deserve it. Also, I don't think you have to swallow your emotions and let things go. I usually address issues with people head on. Give them an opportunity to redeem themselves and go from there.
That's a really good perspective. Most of the time for me I think that it is usually small things that stick with me rather than the big ones. I'm kind of thinking that it's worse when someone thinks that they got away with something and no one is smart enough to know better. I need to keep in mind, like you said, "People aren't perfect, you're not perfect, I'm not perfect.", and apply it to all of those situations.
I don't usually have a problem calling someone out if they are being a douche. If I have a problem I get it out there. Talk about it then forget it. I don't bring things up that happen in the past. I get all my feelings out there at the time that it happens so there are no nagging feelings about it lingering in my head. I'm not one to ignore an uncomfortable situation or push things under the rug. If someone is a repeat offender and continues to do shitty things I will let it go for a while before I'm done with them. I gave up on a friendship of over 15 years because she continued to lie to me. I told her I was done with putting up with her constant lies. I confronted her about it and told her our friendship was over. I guess it depends on what the situation is. Little things are easy for me to let go. Big things are a little harder and its more of a "Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice. FUCK OFF" kind of thing.
That's the part that pisses me off the most. That the other person thinks I'm stupid enough to believe their lies.
I'm not good with calling people out. Either I hold stuff in or I go too far. When I was young, I got into a lot of fights because of this. Maybe that's why I'm more reserved now.
thanks Maybe try to consider whether the things they did actually affect you. As far as lying goes, if they're a liar then fuck em. I have no time for that. Take whatever they say with a grain of salt and remember their place in your life.
I see what you mean. I guess i have more of a fragile ego than I tend to think - Deep down, after reading your and RubySoho6's posts, i realize that for me it's about having my intelligence insulted. As a guy, I exchange ample amounts of verbal abuse with my guy friends. That's what being a guy is all about - so I take most of the douchebaggery in fun even if it is not meant that way. But then again, I haven't been on HF very long and everything so far that has been directed toward me has been nice or has seemed like kidding around. I'm sure I might feel differently if I experience a run in with the douche bags you are referring to.
Ya I've had it done to me and I've seen it done to others as well. Please try to remember the opinions of another does not define your worth. You define your self worth, so don't let anyone take that from you.
Good honest feeling usually combat this. Maybe confront your boss and say hey, "at the meeting this morning I am not sure I understand what you are saying" or something along those lines. Reason with him and put the ball in his court and see what happens. Let the people that try to control you have the control and not let it affect you and just let it go. It is on them, not you. But if you feel you must resolve, do so with honest true feeling and remember to always speak with a mild tongue.
I would say something if it was important, but it doesn't affect my pay so it is not important. It's just the fact that he thinks we fall for his crap that gets me.. I'm just amazed at how some people don't let it bother them very long while I stew on it. I used to think that I didn't have a big ego, but I guess i just don't take seriously things such as insults as long as they are not disguised or are just jokes. It's when deception or the feeling that the perpetrator thinks you don't see through their bull. I guess some people are strong enough not to let that stuff bother them. Good advice though.
we all stew on stuff whether we like it or not..but sometimes a closure with someone or an understanding really helps on relaxing our mind so we can concentrate on something else..
