So, I was just thinking about my life. Let me give ya some background info: I lost my father at a young age (2 or 3 years old), and my mom had to work 3 jobs, so I stayed with my grandparents a lot, never knew if she would pick me up that evening or not. Then as I grew up, my mom struggled with partying and alcoholism. She'd leave and not come home until like 4 the next morning, or something I'd have to go look for her because she'd pass out somewhere. These situations all created a lot of uncertainty for me, and resulted in some fear of abandonment from my family, in relationships, friendships,etc. Always afraid I would be left alone. (PS, my mom is much better now and we have an excellent relationship) Next, later into my elementary school years, I was bullied pretty severely due to my weight and acne, as well as my sexual orientation. This made me fear social interaction, have poor self-image, and feel ashamed of myself. But I was downstairs thinking about these things, and realized that for so many years, I've allowed the past to affect how I live now, even though these things have been done and over with for about 4-6 years now. I've been allowing these things to keep me from developing positive relationships, having trust in people, feeling confident and happy with myself. So I've decided to work on forgetting (but learning from) the past and moving on, letting it go. I want to be able to lead a happy life and enjoy my time here. So yeah, this is my random thought, I guess. Just wanted to share my aha-moment
That's exactly right, Tyr, and that's exactly what I'm going to remind myself Gotta work on being more positive about things.
^ you might want to try therapy if you haven't already. it's good that you are making effort to deal with the past well, and as expanse said, you are wise for your age
I've had a therapist, but psychotherapy wasn't for me. I'm much better at figuring out things on my own.... admittingly, I was much too stubborn to follow the advice of a doctor. I have to learn things the hard way sometimes, I guess. Personally, I'd much rather think (I mean REALLY THINK/meditate) my way through things than have someone who doesn't know or understand every aspect of my life try to analyze it. No hate towards psychologists or psychiatrists, but it wasn't my thing. What I need to do is focus on more balanced, positive thinking or I get way too much into my head- I know I'm not the only one
Well past experiences can completely change the complexion of your life so it's completely understandable if I know where you are coming from. I wouldn't say my past effects my future or today by any means but then again, with influences and all.. yeah it probably does.
I meet a lot of people who define themselves by their pasts and their suffering. I know that I'm guilty of that to an extent. You form this image of yourself as someone who can only accomplish so much, only do so much, and then sort of live out that self-assigned role. I've seen full grown adults spend endless time reflecting bitterly on their pasts, and of people in their lives who did them harm. It's useless. All of the energy spent reflecting on anger and regret could be spent moving forward. I think you've made a useful revelation and a great first step.
that's probably close enough to all of us. myself included at least. my over reactions and difficulty with humor, are undoubtedly an accumulated heritage of my living. i don't define myself by my past, or i should say i don't choose to. i don't define myself by species, gender, nor anything to do with physical form either. an awareness that observes and attempts to avoid deceiving itself, is all the defining my true self requires. i am however, concerned with the kind of world everyone has to live in, for the possibly selfish and arrogant reason, that i have to live it myself as well. though my concern, not being limited to my own lifespan, is perhaps not entirely lacking in something resembling altruism as well. well that may be driven by experiences as well. not all things that are, are either good or bad. its just that to be enslaved by them, that's that part that's not good.
You guys are making so many good points! I really liked the thing about all the energy being focused on thinking bitterly of the past. Positivity is everything.
I deal with this issue every day. When I was a kid I carried my future already with me. I could not let go of the future just like I cannot let go of what's behind me. We have to learn to live with the past .. not let go of it .. because we can't let go of it (we cannot separate from past). If you need justice, restorative justice (to make right something that is harmed, or some unsolved matter) then you're more likely to focus on what's "behind" you. Those unresolved, unhealed matters stay with us, regardless if they happened two months ago or 20 years ago.
This is so true, Sheela. Personally, I struggle immensely with the past, but even more-so now the future. My mom, grandparents, etc are all pressuring me about the future, "When are ya gonna get a job? When are you going to get your license? Where are you going to college? What are you going to be some day?" My mom is odd about it, she'll say things like, "Laci, I looked up the mortage rate for such-and-such farm. That would be a nice one. You know, you'll want to have x amount of money saved up for that." It's nice of her to tell me those things and try to help me in her little way, but I'm not even 17- I'm not ready to think about mortage rates, buying property, moving out, starting a family----- I think the last one is the most awkward. She'll say things like, "So someday when you and Ben have a place together, are you going to give me little grandbabies?" Uhm, 16, Mom. 16. I try to live in the present. If I reflect too much on the past or on the future, I make myself sick with anxiety.
"letting" the past steal your present, isn't entirely voluntary. that is basically what mental illness is, and why it is a real illness.
