Lesbian Advice

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by Chiana20, Oct 29, 2007.

  1. jclss

    jclss New Member

    Hi everyone i am new to this thing honestly i havent come out as a lesbian but I am planning to do so. However tht is one of my minor conserns right now. I am with a doubt it is about my crush well after doing a lot of google search i discovered tht i was a butch. And i really like this girl at first i didnt notice her she use to smile at me and try to make a convrrsation with me, but i was to busy playing games or listening to music on my phone. I've know her for three months but this week i realized tht i like her very much and i have absolutely no idea if she is a lesbian. I think she would be a femme if she was. Please i am in need of an advise right here. All of ur opinions will be highly appreciated.
  2. jerrilynn

    jerrilynn Member

    Hi and thanks for being here. I'm 57 and finally faced the fact 2 days ago that I'm a lesbian and not bi, as I used to identify myself. I guess admitting to oneself is easier then telling others, at least it feels like it to me. I have a 38 y/o son and a husband of 10 months to tell. I think my son will be o.k. but not too sure about hubby. We made love last night and while it was satisfying, my heart wasn't in it anymore. Is there any one way that works better then others to tell a hubby? He's usually on an even keel and doesn't let much upset him. But this is something he has never faced so who knows. I'd appreciate any help you can give.. I'll wait until I hear from you before saying anything.
    If it matters, I'm in am online relationship with a 34 year old lady and we are planning a get together in about 3-4 weeks.. I think talking with her helped me to face reality but she had no real advice for telling him.
    Thanks again, Jerrilynn
  3. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

    I don't mean to be crude or anything but I don't think telling hubby you're a lesbian the night after sleeping with him is going to authenticate any emotional feeling....seems odd. Like declaring vegetarianism after a meal of beef. =\

    I just don't think he's going to believe you as much as you want him to and if you keep pressing it, after keeping some sort of regular sexual activity my thoughts are to prepare for him to be utterly insulted.
  4. jerrilynn

    jerrilynn Member

    I see your point and it makes perfect sense. I never thought of it in those terms. Which is why I'm here asking for advice. LOL Thank you so much. i guess it would be better if I started turning him down so that when I hit him with it, it'll make more sense to him. "So that's why she's not giving me any!" Am I reading you right here?
  5. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

    Hehe, yes you're reading me correct. XD
    It's a tough one but unfortunately I do not have any advice nor clue on how to deal with this. I wish you luck though and you should report back on your progress. ;)
  6. jerrilynn

    jerrilynn Member

    The more I think about, the more sense it makes. Doubt I'd miss it much, anyway. LOL. Another concern was I didn't want him to take it personally (you know how men can be)[​IMG] . Then I just decided that it was his problem. I can only tell him it's not him. I'm just taking control of my happiness. Finally.. I'll let you know how it goes down.
  7. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie


    It sounds selfish in a way but I'm totally for your choice because you are number one and you need to look after yourself first and foremost. If he's a got a problem then it's his burden to worry about, don't anchor yourself to something you don't enjoy.

    Best of luck. :)
  8. jerrilynn

    jerrilynn Member

    I agree with everything you say. At first, I felt selfish, but then I thought, "Hell, if this is what I want, what I really want. then I'm just gonna have to do it. I don't think wanting to be happy is selfish, but if he has a problem, he will have to deal with it. Ideally he would wish me well, but I don't see that happening. I really do hate to hurt him but I feel good about the direction I'm taking. It just feels natural, right. He got along without me before he met me.... :)
    1 person likes this.
  9. Irminsul

    Irminsul Valkyrie

    I've had pretty liberated life but I still am working a way to live life the way I want to. I say I'm 95% there. Other than some family commitments and friendship I have taken control of my life the way I desire it. =]

    Good for you!
    1 person likes this.
  10. jerrilynn

    jerrilynn Member

    That's great. You get one chance at life and it's too short to waste it wondering "what if". I'm on the downhill side now so I want to spend it with a woman who completes me, who "gets" me.
    I took the first step last night and told my son and his wife. He took it pretty well. In the end, he wished me well and supports me if that's the way I want to go.. D-in-law gave me a big hug and said she was proud of me for having the courage to pursue my happiness. That made me feel good.and gave me some validation of my feelings. Of course they asked about Rick (hubby) and I just said that was a little more complicated and to not say anything to him about it for now.
    I can't tell you the sense of relief I felt telling them. It gives me a little more courage to move on. At this point, I'll take all I can get. LOL. But each day I get a little stronger.
    Thank you so much, Irminsul for your advice and support at a time when I really needed it. You have been a godsend. Luv ya, girl. :)
  11. m456

    m456 Member

    Hi everyone! I'm looking for some advice please. I just made an account with this forum. I'll just go straight into it. I started to notice that I was attracted to girls in high school and I've always checked out women no matter where I go. My then boyfriend used to notice it too and I would deny that I was attracted to women because I wasn't really sure. I've always found women to be so beautiful and I love looking at their bodies. I've never been with a woman or kissed a woman before. But I feel like I am a lesbian, I've just never tried to be in a relationship with a woman. I only had one serious boyfriend in my life. I've had lesbian friends and always wondered what it was like to come out and be in a relationship with a woman or just date them. I met a woman the other day that's a lesbian and married and she told me about her ex husband and she has kids with him. And it made me wonder about my situation because I have a child from my previous boyfriend and I was in a long relationship with him. But I guess I'm just worried about how other lesbians would think of me because I didn't come out the second I realized I liked women. I'm not sure how common it is for women who used to date men, and later come out as lesbians. I know I shouldn't care what other people think of me and my life decisions, but I'm very self-conscious. Any advice will help :) I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. Thanks :)
    1 person likes this.
  12. jerrilynn

    jerrilynn Member

    Just to let you know, there are no rules about coming out when or who you've had a relationship with in the past. Case in point: I'm 57, been married and divorced twice and ready to do #3 because I finally faced the fact that I'm a lesbian. I came out to my son and his wife a couple of days ago and my husband yesterday. I spent all those-years identifying as bi despite finding relationships with women more satisfying then with men . As long as I can remember, I've been attracted to women in one way or another. I just kept telling myself that guys were my main interest because society says it supposed to be that way. Being bi was a tool of denial for me.
    I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you feel in your heart that you are a lesbian, then do it. Take the first opportunity to start a relationship with a woman and see how it goes. And don't worry about what others may say. It's your life. Live it in a way that makes you happy. Believe me, there are a lot of lesbians that started out dating men before realizing the truth. Don't know if any of this helps. I'm here if you need to talk.
    1 person likes this.
  13. m456

    m456 Member

    Thank you so much jerrilynn :) your advice did help a lot and I appreciate it a lot. I'm still not sure if I'm bi or lesbian, so thank you for sharing your feeIings on that subject. I hope once I do start dating, that I'll Metre so happy that you had the courage to come out to your son and daughter-in-law and your husband. It must've felt like such a weight lifted. I read how your son and daughter-in-law reacted and that's awesome! I'm not sure if you're going to post it, but I hope everything went well with telling your husband. I wish you happiness and I'm glad that you stayed true to yourself.
    1 person likes this.
  14. m456

    m456 Member

    I didn't see that my phone auto corrected what I typed in but I meant to say that I hope once I do start dating that I'll find a nice woman. And that I'm so happy you had the courage to come out :)
    1 person likes this.
  15. jerrilynn

    jerrilynn Member

    I do plan to post it shortly, it still all seems a crazy dream. But it went well.
    Someday, it will all come into focus for you, just as it did for me and everything became clear. In the meantime, just enjoy who you are, experiment a little, take a chance here and there but most of all just be who you are today. You never know what the next day will bring. Don't I know it!! LOL :)
  16. m456

    m456 Member

    That's great :) and I will take your advice, thanks!
  17. Kaira_Elizabeth

    Kaira_Elizabeth New Member

    How do I come out to my homophobic parents?
  18. soccerlovemhc

    soccerlovemhc New Member

    Hey everyone!

    Well, I am quite shy and always over-thinking things when I'm around my crush.

    Here's the deal. We have one class together, and we actually "met" via Tinder ( it started as joke, going on Tinder I mean). We both swiped right, apparently liking each other. Anyways, we talked and have so much in common, and exchanged snapchat accounts and all. So, here comes the new semester, with new classes, and we're both in it. She did say to say "Hi" whenever I see her, but I don't know... I just felt it awkward? Moving on, we kind of flirt via Tinder, and one day she replies saying how we should meet up for a study group for an upcoming exam, and this "would involve me actually speaking to her in person". We did meet, and I was sooo excited and happy! So, I go, and she's wearing this tank top which leaves almost nothing to the imagination (especially because she's not wearing a bra). We talk, and talk, there's a lot of eye-contact, as well as smiling, involved and then we part.

    Finally I don't feel 'awkward' in saying hi to her, but I don't know what she thinks of me? For instance, today, I finally mustered the courage to catch up to her after class, and chat a bit. We're always smiling, looking at each other, we joke a bit around (especially since I missed a meeting for an organization in which she's in as well, and she was like, "yeah you should attend those meetings more often ahah") and then since I couldn't think of something more to say, and she was taking out her phone, I was like, "Okay, well have a good day! See ya later" and she responds with "Yeah, have a good day too!"

    So, I am wondering... is she just being nice or perhaps she's interested in me? Here's another thing, we were at a party, I was with my friends and she with hers; someone in my group later tells me that "she thinks" she saw her "putting her tongue inside of someone else's mouth". But we were kind of drunk sooo... I really don't know how reliable of a statement that was ahaha is it true that parties are just for like, hookups? Or...

    Thank you all for your patience and kindness, I really appreciate you :)

    (I hope I haven't confused you as much ahah as you can tell, I'm very interested in her and I'm just so smitten by her ahah)
    1 person likes this.
  19. RileyJ

    RileyJ New Member

    Hi I'm Riley and really new to this. I'm just out as a lesbian and not to everyone yet. I'm not sure which direction I'm going as I need to learn who I am and my life is complicated as I'm just coming out of my marriage. I really would love to chat about all the things that I need to learn to make someone happy as I've never had a real sexual experience but I'm just busting inside to fu$k someone or them me. My problem is that I don't know anyone so meeting up with girlfriends I'm not even sure where to begin. I keep looking on the Internet for places to go but I'm not sure where to begin to look. Any advice on the above would be great. Thanks R. Xx
    1 person likes this.
  20. lostluvr

    lostluvr Member

    i cant stop thinking about thia girl i used to work with..we fell asleep together once the only time we hung out outside of work..she.made a pass at me that night and i made out with her..anyway..ive had feelungs for her ever since..and that was a year ago this month..i havent seen or talked to her since october when i quit that job..the fukwd up thing us that im pretty sure.she still has.my number she had changed hers and never gave me her new one...everywhere i go i feel like im looking for her its strange..i just broke down really bad about it just remembering everything..i feel extremly depressed...was i not attractive enough..i miss her..fuk i juat wish shed call me but i kno thatd never happen so i guess i just wish i could erase her from my mind..i kno she couldnt have liked me like i did her..she would be here with me if she did right...how do i move on?? please somebody help i feel so fuking empty and alone

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