Lame Joke Thead

What did the beaver say to the tree?
It was nice gnawing you.

That's a local one for these parts. In fact a family of beavers live in the stream right behind my apartment. What's your lame joke.

 

Two apples are sitting in an oven.

One apple says to the other, "pretty hot in here don't ya think?"

The other apple screams, 'Oh my god a talking apple!"

 

Why don't pirates run with scissors?
Because they might get a SCAAAARRRRR!

Why did the pirate steal a bicycle?
Because he couldn't drive a CAAARRRRR!

Why did pirates suffer from scurvy?
Because they were often out to sea longer than fruits and vegetables could be stored resulting in insufficient intake of vitamin C....AAAARRRR!

 

What does a gay horse eat?
...
HAAAYYYY!!

 

lame, eh?

What do you call a one-legged woman?

Eileen

 

LOL oh dear father in heaven that is a bad joke haha

 

Hehe, a bad joke is a good joke

A man is standing in an elevator, and a woman walks in. Its quiet for a min, then suddenly the man asks the woman "Excuse me, can I smell your fanny?"
she looks back in shock and horror "EXCUSE ME?"
The man replies "oh, it must be your feet then"

Another: Why was Cinderella so lousy at baseball? Who could blame her, she had a pumkin for a coach and was always running from the ball!

ah go on, one more: What do you feed an invisible cat?Evaporated milk

 

What do you call a man with no limbs swimming in the ocean?

Bob.

What do you call a man with no limbs lying in a ditch?

Phil.

 

What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

A pool table

 

What did the zen master say to the hotdog vender?

Make me one with everything

my favorite pirate joke...

Why do pirates like polar coordinates?

They can integrate with respect to RRRRRRR!11

 

That joke's as old as a submarine with a screen door, or a termite with a wooden leg.

 

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A Walk.

 

A priest, a rabbi, and a lawyer walk into a bar. The bartender says "Hey what is this, some kind of joke?"

 

Santa clause looked out his window and said to his wife – looks like rain dear.

 

Heh. I saw that on Two and a Half Men the other day. i think I laughed a bit too much at it.

 

Did you hear about the guy that lost his whole left side?

He's alright.

.

 

Even more lame:

What has a thousand legs but can't walk?

Jerry's kids.

(sorry, I know that was cruel)

.

 

how is toilet paper and the enterprise alike?

they both circle uranus looking to wipe out the klingons

(Indy's joke)

 

Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.


When my cousin Donna told me that, I laughed for two days. Some things are so stupid, they're funny.

 

What do you get when you cross a Parrot with a Centipede?

A walkie talkie.


What did the Indian say when his dog fell off the cliff?

Doggone

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Hey, where'd my tractor go!?