Ladies: penetration or no penetration?

As I'm learning, I have discovered that there is a school of ideas which claims that most females, aside from the psychological aspect--the intimacy, that he is inside of her...etc, don't find penetration as physiologically stimulating as other aspects of the sexual encounter.




They even go so far as to say that the pleasure of penetration is culturally learned and imposed upon women to please their male partners, and if freed from their prejudices and inhibitions, most women would elect not to be penetrated.




What are your thoughts?

 

Not me.
Regardless of my sexuality shifts, and who I'm with, I have always felt that my vagina is my primary sexual organ
This may not happen with every encounter - esp with another woman - but yes I do like, I do want my vagina filled with something attached to another human body - whether it be a male penis or plastic attached to another woman.
It's just an inherent part of making love.

 

what kind of bullshit are you reading?

 

Either, and, or, depends on what else a guys knows about what he is doing. Having said that there is more then penetration alone, if a guy plans on just slamming me with it then I could do without, there is so much that can be done with penetration that makes it what it should be. We play with each others bodies so to speak, hug and kiss, while penetration is going on. I could not get to that moment with it alone but add some other actions to the mix and I could cum more intensly then as a clitoral stimulation orgasm alone.
I know that for sure because I tried to get there without anything else goin on. If most women are like me we like lots of touching, play in certain favorite areas while its going on and thats probably what you heard without so many words being said. Meaning Just penatration alone is not what they find could bring them to any certain moment they want to be in. Yet some guys think if they have a big one thats all they need to know and do,,, wrong,,,,
IMO its all that happens that brings me there, including penetration the foreplay, and the other many things that can happen up to and during it all. I would definately not want to say no to any of it but my partner has to want it all too.

 

So Sally, you are referring to other details about penetration like:

1. The pace
2. The tempo
3. The intensity
4. The angles
5. Knowing when to pause and resume

For foreplay:

1. What to say (or not say)
2. How to touch other parts of the body (arms, legs, stomach, joints, neck, forehead)
3. How to make the setting or build up a turn on.


And other things:

Like knowledge about anatomy of the human body, and main concentrations of where major nerve centers in the body helps I've found as well.

---

At a more specific level can you clarify or bring more details to light?

 

See, to give more details about what we like to do might not work for you.
I like to hear my guy tell me as he shoves me down how bad he has wanted me all day. We text during the day when we cant see each other.
He puts his hands on my ass and all over me while I am riding him. Foreplay isnt just a petting job and on to intercourse. Its kind of a personal thing but he has asked me what I like and I have asked him, we have learned what gets us going. Yes I am a bit shy compared to him but he gets it out of me.
Its noisy when we play, some like toys like vibrators, not our thing, some like butt plugs, also not our thing,,, we just like to get rough, romp around and have a panting great fuckin time. If we arent out of breath we didnt have what I call a good fucking time.

 

Well that sort of specificity is custom to the couple of course, but what I was asking you to clarify was to go into more hypothetical example for the OP about what about penetration, or other things that makes sex good should be done?


Certainly there are variations on penetration other than thrust in-out.

Give some examples on temp, technique, besides the in-out ect.

 

I am the type I like to be on top mostly for intercourse, I get to control the speed and angles and such. But again, if it was just about penetration only I'd get bored really quickly. It isnt penetration that can make me climax, its all thats happening at the same time. This is where you and me are not connecting here. If you just lay there and watch me jump up and down or you get on top and slam it in and out its just penetration. Penetration alone does nothing, for me anyway. I want to feel him inside but he needs to be doing something on the outside too, and he (BF) does. How to splain this???
You could fuck me sideways but if you are inactive like laying there then I could Totally do without. Its not about the angles or tempo,,, its about the whole sport.
In football, do they just kick a ball around? No they git on each other, grab each others asses,,, and who knows what they do in the locker room,,,,
See, guys really do think penetration and the size of their dick is whats important to women, some yes maybe but I think if you asked most women would say its more about the whole work up in the entire event that makes them get to that special place and time. Its a two way street of course, both must participate, but ya need to know we get off on feelings, touching, words, and anything else that goes with penetration.

 

Precisely!

Thanks, monkjr.

So, intimacy?

 

So to recap what Sally was saying:

She is saying that men need to put their whole body into the sex act rather than just their dick.

This just reenforces what I believe personally, but I think you radchad got it now.


So yes to the intimacy, but again what does "intimacy" mean to you, how are you going to portray and communicate that verbally, emotionally, and physically and maybe even spiritually to your partner?

And is your partner communicating to you about what they want as well?



@ Sally: I'm playing devils advocate here to help the OP out, just FYI. Sex as I understand it is a full body and mind exercise, in much the same way you'd enjoy a good meal or put love into helping someone or cooking.

You have to be present in the moment and to listen to your own instincts as well as your partner's cues as well.

It comes naturally if you let it, while forgetting what society and culture pre-programmed you with like what beauty is or good sex is from porn depictions.

 

Very good post Monkjr, thats really when penetration is good, when both understand each other and play together so its not just an in and out thing.
This was my point, some men actually believe if they can slam it good she will enjoy herself and in fact she might just let you think that so that part is done and over with and if he is bigger then average it can be a problem for her but if you add other actions she might get along with it all quite well or maybe some women do like it just as that, in and out. I dunno. I do know its not all its cracked up to be for me without more happening, maybe I just like to see us both sharing in the moment.

 

How often I wonder is the work "intimacy" is interchanged with the word "interaction" in a sexual tense?

If I get off work and put my purse down and charge my phone and start to wash my face in the bath room and I hear my man come in the front door, I look up in the mirror and he’s pulled off his shirt, undoing his belt looking at me as I try to eagerly rinse the soap off and he says as he walks up to me…. “You’ve been a bad bad girl today, what have you been up too??” Then swings me around, rips my panties off, spreads my feet apart, spanks my ass and penetrates me nice and hard……. Will some call this intimacy? I definitely would not.

Would anyone argue with me if I said that there are individuals both male and female that have low sex drives? I feel sexuality is individually unique and not measured by gender.

….

What I find interesting about this mind set is that the feminine sexuality that we see today, I feel, is a sexuality that has just recently bloomed in spite of the layers and layers of confinement that have burdened and stunted a entire gender.

What has been "culturally learned" are the centuries of teachings, rules and boundaries that have stifled the most intimate, private, personal, source pleasure and freedom that a being can have. Sexuality.

The rules, boundaries and teachings that I’m speaking of are …….. Teachings of warning about the temptations of women, their evil ways ,wickedness and ruin of men, their souls and their kingdom. Rules and boundaries of female placement even among wives, concubines and slaves (submissive men and women mind you). Proper behavior, expectations of complete purity in thought, word and action. Modesty, no ankles, keep your hair tight. The Conditioning of minds and behaviors happens when you include the consequences of stepping outside the boundaries. Shame, Dishonor, Guilt, labels, mental and physical punishment, disfigurement and in some cases death. (Biblical,Wichcraft,Roman,Greece,Orient,Middle East,America…just to name a few)
The extreme of this happens still today with Islamic women. It is the woman’s fault if a man is sexually attracted to her. That’s over with…. Sorry everyone :sunny:

My to orgasm always begin with sexual arousal whether that be: thought, something verbal, visual or perhaps physical interaction with another individual or object.
What happens to me almost immediately is that my temperature elevates, the back of my neck becomes hyper sensitive, I become wet, my breast and nipples start to harden, my body tenses and the muscles in my vagina start to contract. These sensations grow as my arousal grows.
Penetration is actually a relief, I ache when I desire firm ridged shaft. As the shaft pumps, pokes, hits, rubs against and massages my walls…. The muscles of my vagina are contracting on the shaft, it feels like long tugs and then a thrust once again. All of this combined produces waves of intense pleasure. I get to ride that high for a while…. then…. It happens. I explode, burst of heat, endorphins, chemicals in my brain flood, fluids gush… I stay there for a bit and then tingling washes over my whole body including my brain and I relax with involuntary muscle jerk here and there from release and pleasure.

That is real. Oh, that’s not my g-spot , that’s penetration. AND clitoral stimulation is like the snack you have 2 hours before dinner, there is no comparison.

 

Agreed.

But that's how you react to penetration and it sounds like your one of the lucky women who are pretty sensitive down there to experience that.

Can any guy do that to you or does there have to be that emotional attraction? Also how much does a guys looks play into if you you find him attractive?

 

Good question, I think I said earlier penetration has nothing to do with satisfaction but penetration and all that goes with it has lots to do with satisfaction. First I have to know, trust and care for the guy, then him understanding it's about all that happens between us rather then just his dick or size is what makes it a real good love making session between us.
That's why one night stands never interested me. You don't know the guy, how he likes his sex, what weird things he might do or how lacking he is in understanding it all, who else he is involved with and all that shit. Those things would bother me while we were at it. The emotional connection is the first thing that makes it all happen for me.

 

Penetration is the best part. It is needful.
But to be physiologically stimulated leading up to it makes it hot. Get in my head, talk dirty to me - flirt with me -- make me want it.

 

Now we're talkin,,,, ya,,,

 

And thus explains why the players "the sexual con artists" of the world are so successful with women.

Above all else they LOVE getting inside another person's head and manipulate them into doing stuff like sex. The power dynamic of that mental lead-on, is just as gratifying as the sex, and this explains why women don't see who is a bad man until he's already "scored".

While other guys around the same women will instantly or quickly see what their fellow competition is doing and gaining.

 

You could be right in many cases but I have not let that happen. No man gets in my head and in my pants before I actually trust him and care for him. Never been taken for that ride yet, here's hoping I won't ever. My relationships were true even tho some ended but for real reasons, never been taken for anything I have and dumped.
My meaning of get in my head is already knowing my man and having built that trust, some ended over me or him having to move, a marriage of nine years that failed over faded interests in each other and ended on a good note and my last hubby passing on, never regretted any of my relationships.
When sex happened it was because I wanted it, was ready for it and allowed it to happen.

 

You are lucky.

And yeah my meaning of "getting to know" someone was the same as yours.

But I do wonder, and fear that I am right, about why the men who are players are successful as they are in not only getting laid but selectively getting the girls they want at a more consistent rate that other guys.

A lot of it is this:

1. They are interesting people regardless of their romantic life.
2. They've got a decent amount of money to throw around to create romantic settings and outings (movies, dinners, apartment or type of residence, car, gifts, adventure). All things young people want.
3. They are good communicators
4. They know what they're doing in bed
5. They are good looking or above average

They appear stable and appear to be good guys and for the most part aren't evil people, they just have a huge libido and flaunt it around and so ladies IMHO are raised with the notion that bad guys are OBVIOUSLY standing out amongst a crowd.

You are this exemplified in pop culture a lot, and or if they are a jerk they'll be a frat-boy type player, which is not true, those are stereotypes and if you are only looking for stereotypes, you miss the variation of what you will encounter in those that will do you wrong.

 

It might have lots to do with how women are brought up too. I was taught not to take wooden nickels, Or scam others.
My dad always said if you run with the wolves you sleep with them too. He also said people will stab you in the back, you don't have to look back all the time but it don't hurt to check now and then to make sure things are ok.