Keeping On The Mindful Path When You Are Surrounded By Criticism?

It's difficult when it's your family. When you feel constantly judged/misunderstood. I'm asking for advice on how I can be without resentment, without hatred when I have been hurt by family members? (Their actions continue to hurt me.)

 

I'm not Buddhist, but I think you are supposed to love them in return.

 

Love them despite their cruelty?

 

Nobody said this was going to be easy...

 

Two monks were walking down the street. As they were passing a puddle, a car drove by and splashed them. They continued walking... About 15 minutes later, one of the monks said "Wow, what a terrible person that guy was, I can't believe he splashed us! He probably even did it on purpose!" To which the other monk responds "You're still thinking about that?"

 

Judgment is a form of violence. Their criticism hurts your ego, but not you. You simply are who you are not what people say about you whether good or bad.

 

My mom told me I was a worthless bum the whole time I was growing up. I lived up to her expectations. No big deal, Jesus was a bum too.

 

Yep, Jesus had no kids, was homeless and had no money. Even his mom thought he was out of his mind.

 

I guess my advice would be more practical than religious.

Family counseling might help. If you can't fix the problem, then distancing yourself from them may be the best you can do.

Going to counseling yourself might help you deal with the fact that they are criticizing you.

It's natural to get angry when people hit you with negativity. I suppose you could see this as being something that is connected to your karma. That is, it's a debt that you have to pay sooner or later, so the negative experience is in a sense a blessing.

Whatever you do, I hope that things can get better soon!

 

Lots of people have said I'm out of mine too. Funny how some people are so worried about others that don't conform.

 

For me, karma is not so much a debt as a class you have to take to learn the lesson. Dharma is the life you're in now to learn the karma lessons of your previous life. Just a guess....

The devotee asked the Master how many reincarnations it was going to take for him to reach enlightenment. The Master pointed to a tree full of leaves, and told him "as many leaves as there are on that tree." The devotee started dancing with joy. The master asked what he was so happy about. And the devotee exclaimed, "Now I know I'm going to get there!"

 

Try looking for ways to play with them. Their views are probably not going to change and they'll probably always be a pain in the ass, so manoeuvre around that fact and cause as little disturbance as possible. Don't repress any feelings that may come up, annoyance, anger, even anything circulating around the subtle point of rejection. Examine everything as it comes up and you'll build a much clearer picture about yourself and your interaction with the world. Not always easy, not always nice. Contrary to popular opinion, "not nice" is actually pretty good cos it's a good indicator that something needs to be examined.

Also, take care to notice if you're interfering with their belief system. 99.9% of people don't know who they are, leaving them emotionally retarded and unable to discuss anything that might challenge the fragile concepts they believe to be the only thing supporting their existence and can act amazingly childishly as a result. Not that there's anything particularly wrong with the way they respond, that very reflex has allowed pretty much every species on the planet to survive until this point.. but us humans have got a little bit of work to do to figure out that "being wrong" doesn't equal death anymore.

That also includes you. Your family might actually have some gems of wisdom, look beyond the words and don't be afraid to let your ideas die.


If you're actually serious about the path then there's enough in this to keep you busy for a while, shout if anything needs to be elaborated.

 

i don't know what this mindfulness path is and i have practiced meditation for 35 years - i have seen people do walking meditation, breathing meditation, blank mind nothing meditation, all sorts of meditation then utterly flip out the second anything untoward occurs - i have gotten in fistfights with tibetan lamas - i think your view of mindfulness is rather shallow - you would do better to study the tantric buddhism where you learn to see the negative as a reflection of actuality and work with it

in tantra one is abjured to not cut out any part of their life or psyche

 

Which makes the most sense to me, everyone has their animal and it can either serve us or disturb us. Not sure where you're coming from, but surely mindfulness has room for observing that animal whenever it rattles the cage?

Lots of stations on the radio bro

 

http://spiritualityhealth.com/articles/how-can-people-be-deeply-spiritual-and-emotionally

 

For me, hatred and resentment fades away (a lot of the time with difficulty) when I remind myself of one of the main tenets of Buddhism - impermanence.

Just practice staying in the moment and remember that nothing is permanent - not your feelings from being judged, or the judging, or the causes of the judging, or the judged behavior.

It has taken a long time for me to deal with feelings of being judged and misunderstood, but I just keep practicing. It becomes more and more natural. Letting things go frees you up in many ways.

 

This made me laugh, thank you.
I needed laughter tonight.

 

Such wonderful fresh perspectives from all of you.
Thank you.

 

WTF?

 

You need to own your hurt, your family are just unconscious they are just like robots pressing your buttons, you need to own your buttons, you may feel hurt in the present moment, but your buttons come from your past, so when one gets pressed walk away, and be very mindful of the hurt and where it comes from in the past, if you can see this, that button will dissolve and that'll be the end of it, and then deal with the next button and so on.