Just a question, nothing big

Well, I really didn't know where to post this but...I think it's the right place.

Anyway...I go to college and where I go is filled with girls/women, the women/men proportion is about 7:1.
The thing is I found that women or girls with boyfriends are the most charming persons of ALL, I mean, the way they treat you, the way they laugh at your jokes...They're so charming and lovely. On the other hand, lonely girls or available ones are so cold or they just don't give a shit.

The issue is...Don't you think is wrong to be flirting all the time?? KNOWING that you have a boyfriend and that you could end up hurting people, creating false expectations etc...
Some gilrs I'm sure that they don't do it on purpose...But c'mon, I mean, one thing is to be polite, and another thing is to be flirting.
Don't you feel that there's something wrong when you're playing with somebody's feelings??

Or maybe it's just me. The thing is I think that women in relationships need to learn how to be more cold towards other men, that's all. It's simpler, and better for everyone, just be polite.

What are your thoughts on the subject?

 

maybe they have boyfriends because their nature is warm and sociable? and the others girls dont like men or dont want boyfriends?

 

I don't think girls without boyfriends are cold no. I think that they may just not have found someone they like, or just dont want one at the time.

As for girls with boyfriends, no they shouldn't be flirting and all that jazz but same goes for a guy.

I know for one that there are a lot of guys out there that if your polite to them they fall head over heels. Some girls dont intentionally try to make a guy like them, others yes. I can't speak for all girls/women but I know that it happens to me a few times unintentionally.

 

I think that women don't comprehend the power of being charming and lovely haha, I always misunderstand all the signals.
Could it be that women LIKE to have men chasing them around, etc etc, WHILST having boyfriends?? At the same time without having any intention to be unfaithful. If that's so, I find it very cruel, like I said before.

 

Maybe women don't want to encourage male attention. And they do that either by making it clear that they're already attached, or by preserving a cool manner. Of course some guys would get the warm and friendly treatment from the start, but most of us have to earn it :-(

 

I can't speak for all women! But no, not women I know at least, don't do it intentionally. Again I think some guys fall way to fast way to hard, I dont think it necessarily the womens fault.

 

i tend to be nice and chatty with everyone, total strangers in the store, standing in line, whatever. i'm not touchy feely, but man, there's gotta be a way to pass the time and get a laugh, make someone smile. occaisionally people take that as me trying to hit on them. which can get annoying. but it's still worth it for all the times they don't and i manage to brighten someone's day. but something about pretty girls being pleasant says to some men "i can totally FUCK HER RIGHT HERE!!"

 

that's why they have bf's.

so they are to be something they aren't, they are to be out of character and have less fun, be less friendly?

Warmth and laughter are naturally and universally attractive attributes, I find myself attracted to these women myself, but OP, a term I've used very early on that many men exhibit is "wishful thinking". They misinterpret that warmth as flirting.

what if she's not intentionally playing with someone's feelings but the guy gets "wishful thinking"!!

not our fault. Deal with it yourself but to ask women to change a rather attractive attribute is just wrong and retrograde. You've said yourself that warm women are "are the most charming persons of ALL", so we're at a conundrum here; you are attracted to charming women yet you ask us not to be charming SHEESH.

If I sound cold to you that's cos it's learned after having enough men who misinterpret my friendliness, but that's what you want isn't it, makes it simpler, not very friendly but hey at least messages don't get mixed(read misinterpret).

 

i like to know people, i like to find out about them, hear their stories, find out their thoughts and experiences. this is just me. half the time i'm at a party i'm sitting there charming someone out of their life story, because i LOVE people and they fascinate me. if i see someone, and they look sad or bored, i can't help but try to coax them out of it. if someone is shy or uncomfortable, i can't help but try to ease them out of it. and i'm good at it. sometimes i just feel like being silly and goofing off, making someone laugh. there's no intention for anything else, i just want people to have a little bright spot, because enough people have done that for me in the past that i want to pass on the favor. it's a GOOD thing. if someone sometimes mistakes the intention, it can be uncomfortable. sometimes it's because they don't find me attractive, sometimes because they do. but when they find me unattractive, that's WAY EASIER to deal with. a joke here, a light comment there, and a sign that i'm not hurt deflates their fear that i was trying to get into their pants. when they find me attractive, that's kinda sucks, because it's harder to deflect.

 

I'm attracted to charming women, that's why I ask TAKEN charming women not to be like that...One thing is to be nice and polite, another thing is to flirt intentionally.

AND YES, I prefer cold women if they have bf, besides, they can always have fun, make laugh bla bla bla their girlfriends right??

On the other hand you're completely right about "wishful thinking", but that doesn't make my point completely wrong.

 

no, fuck that. i'm not changing something intrinsic to my personality just because some desperate and lonely guy perceives it as more than it is.

 

hear hear. if he wants to get his hopes up, then its no ones fault but his own when they're dashed because he realizes he was wrong. if it bothers him so much, he shouldnt talk to girls or he should grow a thicker skin.

 

I don't think it's about desperation, you're oversimplifying things. Sometimes men have "wishfull thinking", and sometimes girls are incredibly naive and flirt too much.

Why does it always have to be our fault? Haha, just kidding.

 

what do you consider flirting? not just the obvious things. sometimes i do things others might consider flirting, a quick glance that makes eye contact, laughing at a guy's lame jokes. i do it to test the waters, to see how he'll react. its not obvious, and i dont consider it flirting. i do it to see if a guy has a strictly friend interest in me or to see if he likes me. if i get that vibe that he likes me, if i want to keep it at friendship i cut off the little flirting-esque things, but if i do like him, i continue and will slowly up the flirt factor. you have to understand that sometimes women's actions can have more complexity behind them than how it appears on the surface. not all girls do things like that but i tend to, usually unconciously.

 

That's the kind of flirting that i'm talking about, touching the arms, laughing at my lame jokes, smiling when we make eye contact, the small things...That, I consider flirting. Think about it, is it really necesarry to be touchie, especially when you have a man around? That's all I'm saying.

 

well i never touch, but thats just cuz im not a terribly touchy person. but this isnt the victoria era, a woman showing her ankle isnt sexually suggestive and a touch doesnt mean she has the hots for you. and if she has a boyfriend, she definately isnt thinking of doing anything with you, if she was you would know without a doubt. i mean hell, i doubt you'd be friends with her or even talk to her again if she glared at you or frowned when you looked at her, and if she made a point to never touch you and told you your jokes were stupid. am i right?

 

oh for fuck's sake. i HAVE TO make eye contact when meeting a new person. i've moved entirely too much to not take the fastest route to learning the soul of a person. eye contact is essential to communication. laughing at jokes is what jokes are for. nah, man, i think you need to get over it. i like joking with people, i need to make eye contact, i need to communicate. i can't see the point to boxing myself up for someone's else's comfort after i worked so long to escape it.

 

...

so... we're not supposed to have friendly interactions with men when we have boyfriends.
thats, um, totally logical. yessiree. only allowed to be nice to our girlfriends. nevermind the women who generally dont get along with other women

im a touchy feely kind of person a lot of the time. i like hugging my friends hello and goodbye. i like telling em i love em now and then too (obviously more for the closer ones). if someone else seems relatively receptive to that then yeah, ill start hugging em hello n goodbye n such. my boyfriend does the same thing. hell, hes more likely to hug a new person than i am. smiling when you make eye contact is polite. increased eye contact when meeting someone is a way to show that you a) dont dislike them and b) arent intimidated by their presence


back to the more original point... i think a lot of women who you class as being very flirty simply dont realize that what they are doing is being seen as flirtatious by you. i smile and laugh and such with new people, regardless of their gender, as long as im comfortable around them. it oculd probably get misconstrued as flirting. hell, it probably has by some men and by some women. but being friendly to a new person is not nearly the same thing as wanting to get into their pants

 

There ya go. Alot of men just don't seem to understand that women do not enjoy being hit on constantly. It sucks. That's why we're more comfortable around gay men, happily married men, and whoever else we think WON'T hit on us.

Most of the time talking to men is like talking to a salesperson...you know they're trying to edge in a sales pitch and scanning you for buying signals. It's like you're not even a person, just a target. Alot of the time you can't even smile without some guy interpreting it as a go ahead. Being attached, at least in the woman's mind, removes that threat so she's more likely to be herself. If one of these warm ladies loses her man you might see that cold shoulder return.