Hello everyone, I decided to find a place where I can get some help in making a choice, and trying to make sure its the right one. If you think you can give me some advice on seeking help, and how to go about it please read on. Basically in short Il give you a bit of my history etc and then explain how I will need help. I am a 21 year old male and have suffered from clinical depression since the age of 13, I started seeing a family psycologist at 13 and was prescribed with an anti-depressant called Ceroxat (Sp?) for around a year. The reason behind my depression was because of bullying experiences at school which had a really bad effect on me and I lost my self esteem etc. I started to feel better at around 15 years old but then at 16 I started smoking Cannabis/Marijuana as a way to kind of escape my problems and sort of self medicate if you can understand where Im coming from. Whilst smoking it was good at the beginning but as I got to around 17/18 I started to become very anxious and had to see a Psycologist again. I saw around 3 different ones and by the time I was 19 was prescribed with another anti-depressant called Zispin/Mirtazapine/Remeron, its known as those names in different countries I believe. I had to quit my job at the age of 20 because it became to much as I was being discriminated against in the work place, it was the same name calling that I had when younger and kind of triggered it all again. I stopped seeing the Psycologist around half a year ago because we came to the conclusion that he had given me all the help he could. I quit the cannabis around 6 months ago as I knew it wasn't any good for me anymore, and have been feeling better for doing so. Nowadays I am trying to get back on my feet again and constantly am trying to make myself have a better outlook on life etc but find it hard to be happy for even a short amount of time.There are a few things that are bothering me that I haven't spoke to anyone about but would like to, thats why Im writing this. I am worrying and stressing constantly, from the moment I wake up to the moment I put my head down to sleep, I worry about the way I look and how people might be judging me, it plays on my mind a lot when Im in social situations. I have also been having the following symptoms which really quite scare me into believing I have something seriously wrong. Its a random kind of list, but I wanted to mention everything that has been on my mind. I get buzzing/ringing in my ears constantly I get very intensely dizzy when standing up from either lying down or sitting Short of breath, shallow breaths Heart beats quite fast Emotionally I can be very up and down, if I try to distract myself away from worrying I can be happy for a bit, but then all of a sudden Im back down When speaking to people my face/head feels really tense and stressed and I worry that im frowning at the person because I feel anxious. I worry they will judge me etc. Feeling real empty inside with a pain in my torso, like a depression feeling When watching tv or looking at a light, my vision is kind of blurred and I get a sort of halo effect and the light beams off. Hard to explain When it is pitch black, in my room for example I see faint patterns of light/fuzziness, quite hard to explain cos I dont directly see it, it comes and goes. (really worries me that something might be wrong) Those symptoms that I experience really make me think I have some kind of schizophrenia, and I cant stop thinking that i might have it but I am too afraid to speak to people about it. I also worry I might have like a brain tumor or something along those lines and it really scares the hell out of me thinkin about it. The help I need from you guys is what do I do next? I am afraid to speak to my parents because I think they will think im mad or something, the same with my friends. Im afraid everyone will thing im crazy. I am considering seeing another psycologist but I am so afraid. If I were to speak to someone about it, how would I put it across to them? I just feel really stuck and cannot figure out the best thing to do, so please could someone give me some advice on my situation. Thanks for reading by the way, I appreciate it. Charlie
Hi Charlie, OK- first of all i have been through the same things as you. Except for the fear in front of people. I do worry though about what people think of me b/c i i always want people to like me. But someone once told me this statement and it true. So you need to think of this when you are around people. "if everyone loves you, you are doing something wrong. if everyone hates you, you are doing something wrong. If it is half and half than you are doing the right things." Ans it's true b/c when people hate on you it is because THEY are insecure and THEY have no self esteem. If all people like you then you are not being yourself. You can not live your life based on what others say and think of you. ALl the symptoms you mentioned are pretty much panic attacks. If it will make you feel better than go to the dr.'s and let him tell you that everything is ok. This will solve the anxiety over your health. I think you would really benefit from a day program. In the US if people do not want to be admitted into an inpatient program for depression they have day programs that insurance covers. They are usually from 9-3, mon-fri. And what you described in your post is exactly what they help you with! They teach you ways to cope in situations and ways to stop an anxiety attack when you feel it coming on. PLus, since you have been feeling the way you do, you might as well try it. WHat is the worst that can happen. You probably feel like you hit rock bottom anyway, so now there is only 1 way to go- and that is up! ANd you need to speak with your parents. You might be surprised at their reaction. Maybe they will be very understanding and supportive. But if they are not you just say to them, "I am sorry that you feel that way about this situation. I hear what you are saying and i appreciate the advice, but this is something i need to do/take care of/work on, etc. I hope i helped a little. And please post back and let us know how you are doing!
First of all thank you for your reply Perks, your statement about being around people is intriguing and I have never thought that way. I guess I do kinda want people to have really good perceptions of me and worriying about is not the way to change that. I am going to the doctor today, it is basically a recap on how I am doing so I will mention everything and see what he thinks is best to do. Thanks again for your reply and i will get back on here once Ive seen the Doc,
