Journal #65, September 13: Maybe I do want guys to want me

I'm not sure what I was thinking the other day with my previous "journal" post. I was more on the straight side of my bi-cycle. How I described about how I wish the ladies would desire me is still spot on although I wish I could be more hopeful or, you know, hopeful.

But now that I'm falling more into a gay phase the thought of a guy wanting me doesn't sound too bad. Maybe I wouldn't mind the thought of another guy getting aroused by me. I can reasonably assume I have done that over the years with pics of me here and other places (those kind) and actually I hope I have brought happiness to guys with those.

Maybe I expressed hesitation because I don't want guys to expect too much from me because I don't know what to expect from myself with guys so guys should not learn to depend on the idea of me. Maybe there's some remaining internalized homophobia to deal with, and there are a few more things I'm just not ready to admit yet. Maybe it's just a matter of normalizing the idea. Maybe I'm expecting a different vibe from a different gender and I don't know how to phrase that. I'm sure experience will help me understand all this.

 

I would ask in what way do you want guys to want you? There are probably an untold number of guys who'd want you just for the sex and eager to pop your cherries. But if you're talking about wanting you in the romantic sense? That's also possible although, as you've seen here on the forums, guys looking for that romantic connection would have better luck finding gold in their backyard. If it were me, there's no way I'd be sitting on my ass waiting for Mr. Right to knock on my door when there are lots of cocks to be sucked and a lot of guys who'd want to suck mine... with no strings attached, thanks, that was fun, and if I don't see you again, have a good one.

Do I want guys to want me? I have no expectations about that but what I do know - what I learned when I was like 21 or 22 - is that there is a guy out there somewhere who wants to have sex with me and during that part of my life, it was like I couldn't go anywhere without some guy wanting to fuck me or wanting to give me a blowjob. I wasn't looking for romance with a guy, but it found me, and it was eye opening and oh, so, wonderful because it exposed me in ways that didn't feel all that good but being with him fixed me. I know there's a gay dude living next door to me who keeps giving me the eye whenever I see him; I go to the market and I can feel a guy's eyes on me and some are bold enough to step to me and ask, "Yo, Pops - can I get that dick?"

And I've given it to them because a blowjob always works. No expectations involved. Life is seriously too short to be sitting around waiting to do something that should have been done a long time ago...

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me!
I'd rather not have a guy want me romantically. Too much pressure and not my goal with guys, although I realize shit happens and it probably wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Better than being alone I guess. Better than dying alone too. But I digress.
On the other hand the the thought of a guy wanting me sexually does excite me, especially a guy wanting to be my first! For whatever reason I know it's a big deal for a guy to be someone's first. Either way I love the thought of guys picturing me naked, or seeing actual pictures of me naked, and imagining being compelled to do things to me, dirty, filthy things.

 

Thanks for taking the time to answer me! The romance thing... is what it is. It might happen; it usually doesn't because of the other part of your answer: Guys want you naked and at their mercy and especially when it's your first time. I've never bragged about taking a guy's cherries but it's a special moment for me that transcends the sex because he trusted me enough to give me his body and to not do him any harm.