A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly." Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four." Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
lolololol. thats good. now, lessee.....what jokes do i have... oh, this ones sorta stupid buts its all i have right now ----------------------------------------- what did the italian mobster say to the hooker? "say hello to my little friend"
The French Leader got a coded message from Bush Administration. It read: S370HSSV-0773H The French were stumped and sent for the French Information Agency. The FIA was stumped too, so it went to the Russians. The Russians couldn't solve it either, so they asked the Germans. The Germans, having received this same message during W.W.II from the Americans, suggested turning it upside down ...
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke with a good old Camel cigarette, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued to smoke her Camel. Lady 1: What's that? Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Lady 1: Where did you get it? Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely. She is, after all, over 80 years of age. But very delicately the pharmacist asks Lady 1 what brand she prefers. The elderly Lady 1 replied "Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel".
Two men are drinking in the bar on top of the Empire State Building. The first man tells the second one that there's a draft created because the building is so high, and if you jump over the edge the draft will blow you right back to the top. The second guy naturally is skeptical. The first man is adamant, so the second guy asks him to demonstrate, and the first guy agrees. They go over to the side of the building, and the first guy jumps over, and starts falling, 10, 20, 30, 40 stories... then starts to slow down, then comes to a complete top, then starts slowly rising, and eventually is set right back down on the roof. The second guy says, "Wow! I've got to try that!" So he jumps over the edge and starts falling, 10, 20, 30, 40 stories... then 50, 60, 70, etc. and then SPLAT. Then the bartender says, "You know Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." —General George S. Patton Let's insult the french, shall we? "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." —Norman Schwartzkopf "We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." —Marge Simpson "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." —Jacques Chirac, President of France "As far as France is concerned, you're right." —Rush Limbaugh "The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." —Regis Philbin "A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag." —David Letterman "I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France." —Jay Leno "Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? It weights 21,000 pounds. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." —Jay Leno "There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon." —Jay Leno "Army personnel in Kuwait unloaded a dozen faulty tanks that only go in reverse. Tanks that only go in reverse — they've been repackaged and sold to France." —Craig Kilborn "I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac." —Dennis Miller "As you know our Allies of Evil are not being helpful with this Iraqi situation. With all due respect I think President Bush is handling this situation all wrong. What Bush should do is send someone the French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." —Jay Leno "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." —Conan O'Brien "President Bush and National Security Guard Tom Ridge launched the new Department of Homeland Security, just 24 hours after taking us down to threat level French — I'm sorry, I mean threat level yellow." —Craig Kilborn "According to the Pentagon today, secret surrender negotiations are now underway with key Iraqi military officials. That's what the Pentagon said: We're in secret negotiations, so for God sakes, don't tell anyone. ... What we're doing basically is giving these key Iraqi military officials instructions on how to surrender. See, this is where we could have used the French." —Jay Leno "After what they say was an exhaustive investigation, the Defense Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in hiding in Afghanistan, he may have escaped to Pakistan, or he may be dead. Hey, France, thanks a lot. We'll take it from here. Hard to believe they were invaded twice." —Jay Leno "American tourists in Paris are reported to being yelled at, spit upon, and attacked by the French. Thank God things are getting back to normal." —Jay Leno French army rifle for sale, never fired, and only dropped once. Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman? A: Sunburned armpits. An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French.... Raise both hands if you are French. Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army? A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war. Q: Why does Nike like the French Army? A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes
What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock? You can't fuck a rock. What's worse than finding a worm in an apple? Getting shot in the face. Three men walk into a bar.. they're all alchohols and beat there wives. Knock Knock Who's there? George Washington George Washignton who? What, you don't know who George Washington is? Knock Knock Who's there? Thomas Jefferson Thomas Jefferson who? Was George Washington just here?
