The universe is shaped exactly like the earth . . . everything keeping me together is falling apart . . . That wasn't my original thought, but that's the Modest Mouse that played across my ears at the moment, and it felt like something that wanted to be printed through my hands. Isaac Brock's voice hits this very strange note of tension and soundwave that seems to pang some chord in my veins everytime I hear it. Anyway. What I was going to say, was something like, it's strange. This year, I seem to have become more . . . independently able to have confidence in myself and interact with any sort of people and feel like they are in no way above me...socially . . . in some stupid subconscious inferiority complex sort of way. I've melded into a couple groups of people I always wanted to become friends with but never thought I could have. And I've also become if not part of, connected tentatively to members of this older and indefinitely cool "downtown" crowd . . . once again people I always imagined as having as friends but felt so tormentedly insignificant and young compared with I never thought it would be possible. But . . . having friends isn't a mission to be accomplished really, or something to conquer or win. You can't forge bonds out of nothing. And I still feel disconnected, from the people I've grown away from whom I had history with once, and now the new people with whom I love, but am missing some common identifying element of either similar age and moment of life congruency, or lack of memories and time-gained trust and closeness. Now my best friend, who was the person that allowed me a link to both worlds and a constant friend and partner in voyaging into those unknowns has moved away to college a week ago, after graduating early last spring, and I'm feeling lost and a little frightened, both of whether I need her so greatly to hold on to myself, or that I don't anymore.