Its so hard not to be insecure!

and I blame guys who make girls feel this way! Even the ones who think they cant bring them down, do it in some way. Its really difficult out there to love yourself and also find someone that does too. I dont care what people say about loving yourself, get someone to ruin your vibe with one sentence, you'll feel shitty.

Im pretty happy with myself but brainwashed by the ideal of "blondes being hot" Its old and tiring. Reason why I dont like blonde girls. Or even blue eyes. Just something not most girls have. Its sickening. and when they tell you to dye your hair a totally different color (like blonde) girls do it to make their guys happy. I would NEVER change myself to make anyone happy. But what makes me feel weak is that how can I keep meeting these guys? Treat ME like shit then get with a different girl and treat her like a queen. I cant even get a second date from guys.

Its very hard not to be insecure. Saying to myself "maybe im not good enough" is a little relief for me. I feel like im gonna hate all men if I keep blaming them. Which Im at a naive spot where I think men are all the same in some way.



Dont get offended. Step in my shoes for a minute and try meeting constantly the same people. Why do a lot of guys try their hardest to bring girls down? I'll never know.

It just happened to me a month ago. I wouldnt give a guy sex after telling me how "pretty i was and how "beautiful" my body is" after I denied him, true colors came out. Pointed out my flaws that honestly cant help and just degraded the hell out of them. Made me feel like shit.

Sorry Im all over the place with this. Just how my mind is atm.

I'd like to just take the time and point out their flaws and make them feel like shit. but i wont scoop that low. just hurts when its being done to you

uggh i need a drink. guys.

 

you should be proud that you wont stoop to there level. Hold your head high and don't change for anyone. If someone loves you they will love you for who you are.

 

I'm not a woman, but being gay and therefore dealing with the male gender, I myself have some insecurities.

No man has ever tried to make me feel bad about myself by pointing out my flaws. They generally compliment me for both my looks and personality (I DO have physical flaws, nonetheless).

However, I've dealt with mild BDD for about 7 years, which later evolved to a very severe case that lasted about 3 years - I finally came "clean" by the end of 2009.
I don't think it was men in general that made me fall into a depression (even though my negative perception of them certainly helped boosting my insecurities), but mostly the society in general.

If you think about it, by trying to look better for both ourselves and the poeple we are into, we (both men and women, gay or straight) kinda start an unconscious global competition where, in the end, everybody is trying to look better than everybody else. It's hard not to be insecure.

P.S: I must admit that the more men I meet the harder it is not to become a misandrist, though

 

Not all guys are assholes, and I say this as someone thats only realized it recently. I don't know where you're meeting the guys that make you feel like shit, but I used to go out to bars and then wonder why I kept meeting drunks....maybe if you tried meeting guys in a healthier environment, i dont really know your situation so cant say for sure.

I say keep doing your thang, girl...it sounds like you have your shit together in the confidence area for the most part... You dont sleep with guys just because you feel like you should, you refuse to change for a guy....keep doing these things, start avoiding the assholes, and one day a nice guy will pop up in your life and surprise the hell out of you.

 

oh and screw what some guy that got denied sex says about your flaws....we all have flaws. the most beautiful women in the world have flaws. I've learned to embrace what I used to see as flaws...freckles, for example. I used to hate them but now i love 'em, a lot of guys probably dont find them attractive but i dont care, they're what makes me unique. I say take whatever that asshole told you, and instead of feeling like shit about it realize that one day when you do meet that nice guy that loves you for you, he'll see those things as beautiful instead of flaws.

 

well what can i say?
welcome to life! there are one hell, of a lot of controlling and exploitative people in the world. they are everwhere and, I MEAN EVERYWHERE! the have always ruled the world too.
these type of people, are rewarded with all the best things in life.


what to do about it?
get educated about them. learn to recognize them and, how to deal with them; in other words, protect yourself from them.

stacy, i have read so many of your other threads, over i guess the last year or two and, i see the pattern here.
your parents have raised you in this type of shit and, you have interlized the shit you grew up in.

you are stuck in one hell of a very, very, very, bad place!
your parents just did not have much in the way of skills to raise children.
it will do no good what so ever to blame and whine about it!

i know your seeing a psychologist, and, everything i have read in your threads from the past, where you have reported to us what she has said to you... i agree her 100%

the ball is in your court!
are you going to work with her and, I DO MEAN WORK!
this will be the hardest job you will ever have in your life!
that job is making YOUR life work work for YOU!
that choice is your alone.

 

I'd say that wherever/however you are finding these guys, you may want to stop frequenting that place.
The best ones come along and appear in the most unexpected places when you're not even looking.
Keep being you, and maybe consider swearing them off for a short period of time in order to refresh.
That's easy for me to say, but not easy to do as evidenced in the thread I just created. lol.

 

I have blonde hair and blue eyes and have been criticized for things about my looks. Its not about having a certain look. There are gonna be ass holes out there no matter how hot you are.
The thing is, you cant listen to all the crap about what society says you should look like.
Once I got comfortable with my self, my looks, my style, etc nothing else matters. Yea I'd like bigger boobs, but I dont have em and Ive still got no problem running around naked.
I think a lot of the time certain types are drawn to certain types of people. There are a lot of people out there that will surround themselves with people they can feel better then, take advantage of, have some kinda power over etc.
I can usually spot someone who is insecure from across the room, just from their body language. You being insecure about yourself might draw people that think they can use that against you in some way.
One of my good friends is going through something similar, I told her to stay the fuck away from men until she at least gets comfortable with herself, if not until she loves herself.

There are a lot of good guys out there, and the rite one(s) will come along

 

.

 

Even I have my insecurities, despite being really really hot. And a guy... Do you think we're hot and insecure enough for each other, Stace? :biggrin:

 

thank you guys for all the advice. I really enjoyed reading all this. I think we all have demons to fight. cause if nothing bothered us, we wouldnt feel true emotion. and we wouldnt learn hurt or better love for ourselves.

I learned that assholes who bring people down have a pattern. Manipulation-mind game playing-and just being fake with words. Call em out and true colors come. dont be afraid too. it'll make you feel better. thats THEIR weakness/flaw. When people figure them out.

I dont really care about the guy who brought me down recently. he'll remain an asshole the rest of his life.

I should really start a self improving group. Be a teacher. I love bettering people.

and cherea, we will always be hot and insecured enough for another

 

might say as much about you, 'cos the sort of guys you fraternize with are the obvious token arseholes. There are plenty of lovely men out there

I, for example, do not like blonde hair much.

 

Honestly women bring down other women more than men do in terms of appearance and sexuality.

 

that isnt the topic though. its men bringing down women

 

Actually it is part of the topic since it's partly about the ridiculous standard of beauty put up for women, and I'm saying really women have more to do with it then men. It's not hard to be attractive to a man, this is why women were still getting dates in 1991 when everyone including girls were wearing baggy, second hand grunge clothes that hung off the body. Sure a guy may point out your flaws if he's mad because he thought he was going to get laid and his plans didn't work out, but in the day to day course of life women are competing more with other women to outdo each other.

Not to mention the whole slut/bitch card gets used by women on each other far more than guys using it.

 

Honestly, I think a fair part of it has to be the guys you seek out (or where you seek guys) and negative thought processes on your part.

 

It kinda reminds me of the story of the old man and the brick, they left early one morning for an egg dinner and were held in traffic for over an hour.

 

get over yourself. you're bringing me down, complicating my flaws and making me feel bad

if you're not careful i'll start a thread about it.

 

ok i agree with you there. BUT im strictly talking about men. Of course women ring each others necks to be prettier but we know that. Im not gonna be too mad about some girl jealous of what she doesnt have. Women only bicker at women out of jealousy or some hatred.

Men on the other hand, point out flaws for many different reasons. and thats what im personally raising awareness to because its getting to me. and i wanna hear stories and methods to get around it

again i could give 2 shits if a woman was doing this to me. I consider it jealousy and laugh at em. I sorta do it to men too but its a different feeling with guys

 

the reasons that guys bring girls down is equally as stupid and easy to laugh at as the reasons that women bring other women down. If you can laugh off what women say about you, you can learn to laugh off what men say too.

men that bring women down are insecure. i really cant think of another reason why a man would want to insult a woman in order to have power over her. Take his insecurity and throw it back at him, make him feel like shit for trying to make you feel like shit.