It's really hard to care about your career when...

Discussion in 'The Whiners' started by Strawberry_Fields_Fo, Jun 3, 2013.

  1. ...all you really want to do is become a mom. :( I can't have kids now for a long list of reasons, but I'm still holding out hope of having them in 2 or 3 years. I just started working as a nurse last year, and coming up on my one-year anniversary of getting my RN, all I can reflect on is how bad I want a baby and how much more important being a mom seems even compared to nursing. I don't hate my job, I'm just super unmotivated because I know I want to quit when I have a baby and finally do what I feel I was really meant to do all along....
  2. la Principessa

    la Principessa Old School HF Member

    :( Sorry to hear that. My fiance and I want a baby too but we're not financially stable yet, so we have to wait for that and for our wedding. It sucks.
  3. I call BS. The fact that you both (la Princ / Straw Fields) want a baby so bad means it is the perfect time to have one.

    Fuck the job and fuck the upwardly mobile BS. You'll be a better parent by going for it when you want them then getting everything set up. A baby should not be just another item on your checklist between college and grocery shopping.

    Have the youth - forget the money chase.

    I am stunned at how many mainstream views there are on this 'Hippy Forum'
    No offense - just saying. Give up the idea of what you are supposed to be and what you are supposed to provide and fucking live already. Dare to be an individual and break free of the homogeneity. Or, maybe I'm wrong - that little bell that keeps the shepherd aware of your location does make it so much easier to find you - and I hear they come in different colors now!

    Plus - maybe you're right - it's not technically lambing season yet.
  4. I said there were a long list of reasons....why do you assume it's all financial? And of course I'm a sheep--I potentially have one mainstream view and you bring out the "sheeple" routine.

    The truth is my husband and I have had a terrible first year of marriage and are just now starting to come out of a very dark place in our relationship. I need to be out of this dark place for long enough that I can trust we won't go back there after we have a kid in the picture. I'm not so naive that I think a kid is going to bring us closer together.

    The other huge part of the picture is I have a medical condition where I have to take a medicine that causes birth defects. I could still have kids, but I have to work on healing myself to a point where my docs are ok with me going off of that medicine, and even so, I'd be a high risk pregnancy, because I'd still be on my other med that can cause early labor and other issues. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if my kid had a deformity because of me.

    But yeah, I'm just a sheep...
  5. As I stated - I was not trying to offend. And yes - you did say a long list of reasons - I didn't notice that because you only really went into specifics about what seemed like job/career conflicts with having a child.
    Now that you've gotten more in depth - then yes - I think you are doing the right thing. It sounds like you are making your decisions based on your whole life - at first it sounded like it was about a job (i.e. money) - and that - I definately have a problem with.

    As for the sheeple thing - that may have been a bit much - especially understanding your issues a little better. Also - I think that was more a statement to all the 'more mainstream' viewpoints I've been seeing in the forum. It wasn't meant as a personal attack - more of a general reminder that we do not have to go that route - all of us - as individuals. I was more just trying to remind folks that they don't have to fit the mold and follow the standard plan. So I do apologise if you took personal offence - perhaps I worded my response badly.

    On another note - I am sorry about your relationship issues - sounds tough and I can only hope that you all will continue to move further and further out of the 'dark place' you mention. Now that you have explained your story a bit more - I have no doubt that when the time is right - you will be an excellent Mother. But the truth is - I believed that before - which is why I was encouraging having children outside of 'the plan'.

    For me - I just want to encourage women to have children when they want them. Because the truth is - this is so rare. And personally - I think that is the greatest gift you can give a child. Being wanted and planned for. What a Gift.

    Good Luck on your path.
  6. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    Referring to women who wish to be parents consciously as sheep is quite offensive.

    They are breaking tradition by deciding to have or raise children when the time is fully right for them, taking the kiddo's needs into account. How many mothers really do that? I think so many get caught up in a romantic vision of being a mommy to a baby they don't see the days where it's all diapers and puke, or the nights you your kid doesn't come home on time, hours late, for the first time (hopefully last without communication).

    Plus nursing is a fine profession, and takes a lot of work. I'd hate to see a good nurse leave permanently because she can't find flexible work hours while she has children at home.

    I did the late shift at the newspaper because I wanted to be there for my son getting him off and back from school. His marvelous stepfather handled bedtime while I worked.
  7. la Principessa

    la Principessa Old School HF Member

    I think you're taking her words too literally. She already stated that she shouldn't have worded it the way she did. Her point was that if you really want a baby and it's possible to actually do it, then don't let anything hold you back.
  8. la Principessa

    la Principessa Old School HF Member

    I think you're taking her words too literally. She already stated that she shouldn't have worded it the way she did. Her point was that if you really want a baby and it's possible to actually do it, then don't let anything hold you back.

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