It Seems Like Everyone Is Making Babies.....

And I'm just over here like I'm not sure if I am ready yet......I'm not even sure if I WANT kids...I think I do...sigh...

 

How old are you, Ashalicious?

 

I am thirty.

 

My husband is thirty eight.

 

For some reason I thought you were younger.

 

I know, I look a lot younger than I am. I hear it every day. I don't mind one little bit

 

It's not that, it's just your persona in general, I assumed you were in your early 20s.

 

You're right, I definitely act younger than my age sometimes as well. It helps keep me young...

I act my age at work and in my personal life when it is necessary though.

 

My wife was 30 when we got married. We weren't ready and wanted time for just us. We'd keep checking with one another in every year or so. You'll know if/when you're ready. And if you never get there, like us, it's OK too.

 

It took me some time to come to terms with the fact that I have no pressing urge to have children. It's such a touchy subject. I just know if I did, I would want it to be with someone that I would entrust my life to- someone stronger than me. I have some mental health issues that would make it difficult for me to maintain sometimes, and I don't want my children to suffer for that. It's not that I don't want them because I don't care. On the contrary, I care passionately that little people that come out of me and are my responsibility are going to be okay. If I had to be a single mom... I'm just not sure that would happen. Granted, I would try, but I'm afraid I might not be strong enough. I really feel like I would need help.

I've made peace with the fact that it might not happen for me. If it doesn't, I will not feel any sense of loss. Maybe it would be fun to look back and think of what might have been, but in the meantime, gonna just enjoy my nights to myself...

The only time it gets scary is when dating. I don't want to get locked into a relationship with someone who NEEDS to have a family to feel like their life is complete. I once dated a guy that joked that I was a cold witch that hated children when he found out I didn't think I wanted any. I could tell it wasn't really a joke and he was lashing out because he wanted them... It was a cruel joke. Didn't like it.

 

I know one reason I am hesitant to have kids is because I am terrified of having a child with a developmental disability. My husband works with children who are on the autism spectrum, he sees every day the stress that parents go through, wanting to help their kids be "normal" and struggling to realize that their kid might never be at the same level as other kids of the same age. It is fucking terrifying.

Don't get me wrong, I WILL love my children no matter what, should I decide to have them, and I will play whatever hand of cards I will be dealt to the best of my ability. I am strong, and I know I can handle anything. I'm just scared.

I am also not really sure if I am ready to have something take priority over my husband yet. Right now he is my number one priority, and if I have a child, then obviously they will take precedent over my man.

 

I didn't even think of that. Very good point.

And the disability thing is a normal fear. Everyone worries about that. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling that way and don't let anyone tell you there is. Once they are here, disabled children have just as much right to live and be happy as anyone else, but it's certainly not something anyone wishes for.

 

That everyone seems to be having kids doesn't mean it is right for you. What I experienced about having kids is i wasn't ambivalent about it. It was an instinctual move that my desire was in accord with.

consider renting

 

Renting children?

 

Sort of a joke. We can get our fill of children spending time with anyone's children and children as a rule benefit from any kindness extended to them by anyone.

 

I do babysit for my friends a lot, and am always happy to hand the kids back at the end of the day and go smoke a fat joint

That being said, I enjoy the time I spend with the kids, and am always fascinated at the tiny humans made by two people I know really well, you know?

 

Yes i know. The fascination is the kid in you.

 

Really? I never thought about it that way....

I do have a strong inner child. It keeps me young.

 

The fascination ends real fast after you've been up 3 times in the middle of the night for the 5th night in a row.

Like I said in the other thread, it's up to you when and if you have kids and there is nothing wrong with having or not having them.

 

Its only that age you are, late 20s, early 30s, prime breeding age

All stand around givng each other stupid looks

Dont worry, wait ten years, kids will turn into brats, theyll all be miserable