Hey, so me and my girlfriend are both in the music industry i am a drummer and she is a vocalist. Been living together for a year now. She recently started writing for a band which i think is great. The only thing is that i feel... strange having to listen to her lyrics. Dont get me wrong i believe they are truly great, but having to hear about past relationships and loves seems to eat at me a little. I know that it is an emotional outlet for her and she has been through a lot of crap in the past that i cant even imagine. But hearing about some of the relationship stuff makes me... uneasy i guess. Just wondering if this is something i should get over and what would anyone else do in this situation?
Well, maybe she wants you to have a broader picture of what she went through. I don't think anything matters in any relationship that went before the day you arrived...only since the day you arrived...but tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable, and maybe she will stop. Good luck.
There's a special painful but cathartic hell in singing about past lovers. And it's a huge motivator for wordsmiths. But also, a song can play out a fantasy unpursued. Or close the door on something in a definitive way. (A friend has a song where his house burns down. The protagonist of the story shares his awareness that people, not place, make home for him. In reality he had to sell the old place.) You didn't specify, but it sounds like you work with different bands. So, theoretically, you won't be hearing the songs show after show. It really is difficult to love within the music biz.
oh i apologize for not specifying. This is a band she has joined so ill be hearing the songs alot. Most of the stuff i can handle there are just certain lines about " still being in love after all these years" that are not very cool to hear.
OP, it’s definitely a unique situation to be sure. I have a rule which is whatever a GF or lifelong partner for that matter has done in the past before they met you is nothing you have over her. Whether she has screwed a thousand guys, was raped or was a prostitute it doesn’t matter. What does matter is if you can’t handle her past then that’s your gig. You have no right to challenger her or make her feel guilty for anything she’s done in the past. That is assuming she’s told you most or everything that’s been in her past. If you found out one day that she killed someone well then all bets are off, but provided she’s more or less told you about her past then you either accept her for who she is or say “Screw this crazy bitch” and be on your way. But you do not have the privilege or luxury of making her pay for things twice. Hope that makes sense. I totally get hearing some of her lyrics can be disturbing to you and that is totally normal and I hate to say it but most good artists are good for a reason as they have had some disturbing things happen to them and it reaches into people when they sing about it, so I don’t doubt she has some skeletons in her closet or a bumpy past. Most people who’ve had an ordinary life, if they sing about it they’ll put people to sleep. I’d say if you truly care for her the best thing you can do is be there for her. You have to put your own issues aside and if you can’t or you end up resenting her then it’s up to you to move on.
NP OP. Re-reading my comments I hope you don’t think it too harsh what I said. I know I really stressed the point about not being able to hold someone accountable for something they did before you came into their life, but it does work both ways too. Meaning if you’ve told her about things in your past she doesn’t have the right to lecture you either. Figure even the smartest people can still do the dumbest of things at times, and that said if she’s done some stupid things or whatever you can kiddingly say “well that wasn’t too bright” but you can’t really take it much past that, and within reason you shouldn’t be able to use it against her. All that said definitely learn all you can so you better know her. I mean if she tells you she’s cheated on all her previous bf’s or wants to fuck the entire world if she has a couple drinks, well that should be red flags… However one thing I should have pointed out but really didn't. Let's face it in a relationship which goes any distance there is always a time when topics of old relationships come up. Whether it starts off as a simple Q&A sharing session or skeletons just happen to emerge from the closet. Whatever the case it can definitely be an uncomfortable thing for sure as nobody typically wants to hear about someone they care about and sexual stuff or harmful stuff or a bad run in with drugs, etc… And that said you have the added complexity of hearing all this through her singing and maybe more importantly knowing that everyone else who here’s those songs now too have some personal and sensitive information about her past, and maybe information that is embarrassing to you as her bf, and a stress point on your relationship. As an example. Say she hit rock bottom and prostituted herself, or sold drugs, or OD’ed or tried to commit suicide or got raped by a group of guys. These are things you might be able to live with but you certainly wouldn’t share with your mom. But now that she’s putting some of these darker secrets in songs then anyone who hears her songs now knows all about her, and you being her bf it is somewhat a reflection upon you as well... It’s easy and often times therapeutic to anonymously tell millions of people on the internet your deepest darkest secret, something you may not tell your best friend, because it’s anonymous. Well this isn’t anonymous for her and you. It’s certainly a tough situation and artists definitely have it in them to express themselves, but again your situation and what you decide to do as a result remains the same. If it gets to be too much and you feel exposed like a nerve, well then you have to do what you have to do. Now as her bf if you see before it goes public that some of these lyrics are potentially damaging to your relationship then you do have every right to voice your opinion. And taking that route would be a far better course of action than say breaking up with her after things go public without ever voicing your concerns prior. I’m sure you know artists get tunnel vision and run high off emotions, so you being a stationary and trusting part of her life you should feel comfortable giving her some clarity if needed. I’m saying this without having a single clue what her lyrics are, so only you can be the judge of what is reasonable and what is not and what you should or should not do. Good luck!
R U sure her lyrics are about past relationships? I have written millions of things, as I am a writer, and not always had a subject in mind.....
