Isn't This Sexual Assault?

Discussion in 'Women's Forum' started by RabidHamster, Sep 23, 2014.

  1. RabidHamster

    RabidHamster Members

    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    This is just an example, didn't happen to me in real life. But I've heard about it and it pisses me off.

    A woman is giving a guy oral when he randomly pushes/rams her head down and holds it there, even as she tries to pull back. I mean if you are resisting a sexual thing, even pulling away a bit, they should not force you to stay there. Does no mean no except when it doesn't?

    How is it not reasonable for the woman to think a guy would have the common sense to ask before making her gag on his dick? Is the unpleasant sensation of gagging something he could not possibly understand?

    It's like guys are thought to act which ever way they please sexually and women are then blamed for not setting the boundaries. Why isn't setting boundaries and communicating with your partner about what you want to try considered something both men and women do?

    Some guys like teeth during oral, I guess the woman should bite away if he hasn't told her not to.
     
  2. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

    Messages:
    9,278
    Likes Received:
    1,623
    Sexual assault? I would say so, yes.

    Maybe porn is distorting some guys ideas about what is ok in bed.

    I don't think you necessarily need to have a verbal ok for every single thing that happens in bed, but forcing her down while she is trying to resist is clearly over the line.
     
  3. Bassline514

    Bassline514 Member

    Messages:
    936
    Likes Received:
    142
    It's definetely a sexual assault if she tries to lift her head up and he forcefully holds her in place. It's ok to suggest with a gesture (tho asking before if it's ok would be the best thing to do), but if your partner refuses to go this way you should stop, plain and simple.
     
  4. Annwyn'Bri

    Annwyn'Bri Member

    Messages:
    660
    Likes Received:
    285
    Yes, this is sexual assault... No means no.... it doesn't mean, okay, whatever you want even if I don't like it.

    If she resisted he needed to stop and find out why. Maybe it wasn't that she was saying no, maybe she was choking for a different reason.

    Even in porn, which gets some of it's ideas from bdsm, even with that, it's all based on consensual communication... it's discussed... do you like when I grab your hair, when I push your head down, is there a trigger there... People who do rough sex in a play setting talk about it first.

    I have a friend who was just raped in this matter by a young guy who saw it on a porn video and now his life might be over. He was just arrested.
     
    2 people like this.
  5. Stillactive

    Stillactive Guest

    Messages:
    9
    Likes Received:
    5
    A horrible concept , forcing a partners head down against her wishes. Certainly constitutes sexual assault , although the legal aspects such as proving it are perhaps less than clear.

    Getting head is surely a great privelege and not a right. The appropriate male response should surely be appreciation and not abuse.
     
    3 people like this.
  6. 6-eyed shaman

    6-eyed shaman Sock-eye salmon

    Messages:
    10,378
    Likes Received:
    5,149
    I'd say it is. If one party is in physical pain and the other one keeps going against their wishes, it's sexual assault. When a woman is giving a blowjob, she's can't say no because her mouth is full, but she can communicate it another way by pushing away. If the guy still doesn't take the hint, then she has every right to physically retaliate, (hitting his balls, biting down, pinching in a soft spot) and he should release. Sex just isn't enjoyable if the other person isn't liking it.
     
  7. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

    Messages:
    9,278
    Likes Received:
    1,623
    yeah, if a guy tries to gag you while you resist, bite his dick off
     
  8. RooRshack

    RooRshack On Sabbatical

    Messages:
    11,036
    Likes Received:
    548
    Pretty sure the OP just saw this in porn, and wanted to masturbate to something more interactive, albiet with less visual aspect.
     
  9. I'minmyunderwear

    I'minmyunderwear Newbie

    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    9,113
    well, they kind of are. every guy knows that if you ask the woman for permission for sexual acts, that's a huge turnoff and you're getting nothing out of her beyond maybe asexual friendship. i don't even know how many times i've heard (in real life and on this forum) that the guy needs to just take what he wants, because that's what women are generally into.

    not condoning choking a girl on your dick or anything, just saying that the whole thing is fucking confusing.
     
  10. Bassline514

    Bassline514 Member

    Messages:
    936
    Likes Received:
    142
    I'd say it's still preferable to ask during the first encounters you have with somebody (or better, if you can, discuss sex before it ever happens), as you don't know the person much. But when 2 people had sex together 10, 15, 20 times, they kinda have an idea of what their partner is into and how far they're willing to go, so I guess in that context it's possible to be more daring while keeping it safe for everybody. It's not exactly unsexy to ask if "it's ok if I do this" or "would you like me to do that" in the middle of the action tho, in fact sometimes it can be a breath of fresh air ("i didn't think about that one...").
     
  11. Annwyn'Bri

    Annwyn'Bri Member

    Messages:
    660
    Likes Received:
    285
    I think what you saying "could" be true for a couple who have already had a sexual relationship. At that point, you know each other's fantasies, and desires and kinks...

    But not if you have just met someone. This kind of behavior is probably a huge mistake on the first date.

    I once went out of a guy who seemed really nice, until the end of the date. He attacked me and told me "I know you want and I know you want it from me". My response was "I don't fucking think so, asshole", and kicked him in the nuts. He feel to the floor holding his balls and I resisted the urge to grind my high heel into his cock. I told him, "don't EVER tell a woman you know what she wants when you don't have a clue". I walked out was he tried to catch his breath.

    That was the only time I ever encountered that kind of attitude other than the times I was actually raped. Most men I dated had great manners, which is what it's all about, and although I did have some one night stands that started with "do you want to come home with me?", even those guys were pretty respectful.
     
    1 person likes this.
  12. naturegirl1

    naturegirl1 Member

    Messages:
    506
    Likes Received:
    402
    First of all, I always appreciate it when a guy asks permission first before trying something new or different, regardless if it's a first date or a tenth date! Phil & I have been married over 29 years, we still ask one another if either of us wants to try something.
    I think the concept of "forcing" a woman's head down to prevent her from stopping to felate should be defined as assault, however.....the issue of "perceived consent" would probably make any legal proceedings very difficult. You have consented to taking the guy's penis in your mouth, how do you prove that he forced you to let him ejaculate in your mouth?
    The only sure way to prevent misunderstandings is to lay down the ground rules BEFORE any sexual activity starts....that, and dating someone who isn't a total prick!
     
    1 person likes this.
  13. Annwyn'Bri

    Annwyn'Bri Member

    Messages:
    660
    Likes Received:
    285
    That exactly it... it just takes communication.

    But not all of these situations are because a woman has agreed to having a cock in her mouth. Sometimes they are just grabbed and forced. I speak from experience on this one.
     
  14. jusadude

    jusadude Members

    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    That gagging shit is popular in porn. I just don't understand it. Fucking gross.
     
  15. Aerianne

    Aerianne Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    Messages:
    37,095
    Likes Received:
    17,163
    I heard of a couple that would do this until she vomited but he liked that.
     
  16. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

    Messages:
    30,289
    Likes Received:
    8,561
    Oh fuck, he got sworn in,didnt think he'd get approved

    Up till this point nothing really new world orderish had happpened under Trump, the wall isnt really getting built...but now theres this ugh

    This wouldnt have happened under Reagan
     
  17. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Super Moderator

    Messages:
    17,611
    Likes Received:
    1,441
    Has this couple negotiated or talked about this and cleared the activity?
    Has the giver consented to the head push? And set a “let me breathe for a sec” gesture? (That’s important)
    What makes something like this dickish is not communicating and then naming it assault.
    True, it often comes up after the receiver has used the head push. So have the talk.

    Also, guys can read reactions. If the person giving head really pushes back against the receiver’s push, that’s clear.

    And, no, biting isn’t cool without consent. Duh.
     
  18. Angela36

    Angela36 Members

    Messages:
    2,283
    Likes Received:
    6,628
    Enough with the political angle - that is rape and has probably been happening since the stone age.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice