Is there true love after first love?

Discussion in 'True Love' started by PeAcHFloWeRz, Sep 5, 2013.

  1. PeAcHFloWeRz

    PeAcHFloWeRz Guest

    Do you believe that it's possible to fall head over heels in love again after losing who you thought was the love of your life? I believe some people can, but I'd like to kNow your opinion because I've had nothing but heartache in every relationship except "first love". Are they all destined for failure if you don't stay with the first? :confused:
  2. deviate

    deviate Senior Member

    I know exactly what you mean. The first one for me ended in heartache, just wrong timing ultimately but I took it as something I did wrong. Seems ever since then I've let in the wrong ones knowing it and it ends the same way. And then I don't let in the ones who I should. But I still believe in the idea of true love.
  3. Alternative_Thinker

    Alternative_Thinker Darth Mysterious

    My understanding is that the first love seldom lasts. In my case, it felt like the first love EVERY fucking time I fell in love with someone. And I treated all of those instances as "true love" because I believe true love can be experienced more than once. Needless to say, it hurt a lot every time the relationship failed.

    And then there's the relationship I'm in right now. I don't know what this is, but I just know it's different. I'm more or less reasonably calm, even though the relationship itself is very exciting. Well, it's also soothing and comforting as fuck! Whereas before, I'd get all head-over-heels and also kind of emotionally crazy, lol. But this is the first time I'm truly experiencing the soothing quality in a relationship. Now more than ever, I feel confident that the relationship will last.

    So, I guess you'll meet your destiny at some point in your life. I can't tell you when, but when you do, I think you'll know that's exactly the person you'll want to spend your life with.

    All the best. :)
  4. mynameisbrian

    mynameisbrian Member

    Yes. It's difficult to realize when you're either in love with someone, or were recently, but you can.
  5. la Principessa

    la Principessa Old School HF Member

    I think first love is a myth. Every time you have a relationship that doesn't work out, you learn more about what you truly want and look for that in your next relationship. Therefore every new relationship is going to feel more like true love than the last. You can't pinpoint which one was real love for it to be the first.
  6. Piaf

    Piaf Senior Member

  7. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    If you take the Cinderella tale to its logical conclusion, the first love and true love should be synonymous. But, consistency is not mono zealots' forte.

    It's like, "Oh, I'm a Christian but I have pre-marital sex anyway and I'm still going to heaven." You can't tell me nothing, la la la.
  8. enhancer13

    enhancer13 Senior Member

    Yes, but I don't dwell on the past! When something ends I move on and don't look back. To get the most out of now and the future it is best to leave the past behind and put your heart and soul into the things that really matter now. It ended for a reason.
  9. Beca012

    Beca012 Member

    There's no such love like your first love.

    I think you definitely can fall in love again but that new and explosive feeling that comes with your first love... It's unique. But like enhancer13 said, don't dwell on the past. It's so important to let go. Otherwise you're stuck and life will rush by in a second and you'll regret it. Try to live in the here and now! And god I know it's easier said then done...!
  10. Kinky Ramona

    Kinky Ramona Back by popular demand!

    Well, I think there is a HUGE difference between love at 16 years old and love as an adult. I was definitely in love with my first love, but we were 16 years old and both of us have changed since then. I used to believe you couldn't fall out of love, but I've definitely changed my mind in recent times. I definitely don't love that person anymore, in fact, my feelings are closer to loathing instead. But I'm an adult now, it's 10 years later, and I'm married to someone I do love. It's not anything like the first love, no, the hormonal surge isn't there, but in so many other ways, it's so much better.
  11. RickyRicardo

    RickyRicardo Member

    In a nutshell, yes.

    One can find true love more than once.
    Some years back, I thought I was in love and it sure felt that way but it wasn't to be and I had my heart broken.

    Fast forward to the present day & I'm in love again. And everything about it this time around just feels a hell of a lot better and so right in every way.
  12. RubySoho6

    RubySoho6 Organized Chaos

    I think there are all kinds of different loves. There are First loves, True loves and 2nd loves.

    I had a first love. We were together off and on for 4 years in high school. I will always love him for what he was to me at that time in my life. That doesn't mean I want to still be with him. But I can look back on our time together and remember what that relationship taught me and how we helped each other through bad times. If you really love someone you will never truly hate them. You may not like their actions but if you loved them at one time there had to be some redeeming qualities within them that you can still appreciate.

    Then there is true love. That is what I have had for the past 17 years. Like someone else said. It's the love is different from any other relationship. It's that other person that makes you feel whole. That doesn't mean its perfect but it means that no matter what comes a long you want to make it work. Both of you have to have the same love and respect for each other and it can last a lifetime.

    Then there are 2nd loves. For instance, if the love of your life passes away. You will ALWAYS love that person but does that mean you can't move on and try to find love again? Absolutely not. You can move on and find someone else that completes your life and makes you just as happy. It doesn't mean you don't love your spouse that has passed. It just means you love them enough to want to have another relationship that makes you feel as happy as you were with them. My dad falls in this category. He has found his 2nd love and I couldn't be happier for him.

    To answer your question there are all kinds of love and you will find yours. You know when it feels different and your life feels content. Don't give up. It will find you. You just have to be open to it.

    *formerly known as crazy4cock*
  13. JKHolman

    JKHolman Member

    "...Do you believe that it's possible to fall head over heels in love again after losing who you thought was the love of your life? "


    - JKHolman
  14. KingWilly

    KingWilly Member

    OP don't beat yourself up over this. Figure as you grow older you keep changing, so who's to say you and your first love would have worked out even if you tried harder, or who's to say you'd be interested in each other today if the opportunity presented itself.

    Yes I believe in love (true love), but I don't look at it like this "fairy Tail" type thing it's made up to be. I think it's something that evolves over time. So the people that talk about "love at first site" I think are idiots personally (no offence intended if you're one of those idiots). I define love as a feeling so deep you'd do anything for that person. You ache when they are not around, you'd die for them, save them from anything, be with them when they need you, basically put them before yourself. That to me is love and is something which develops over time. You don't simply look at someone for the first time and think "wow I think I'll take a bullet for them."

    That said I think first loves are like puppy loves, and yes you can never get that feeling back, similar to a first kiss or fuck. The first time experience can never be repeated, but that doesn't mean it can't be just as good, but it's just in a different way.

    Okay I'm rambling... Anyway True love, or rather true compatibility, which can lead to true love is out there for everyone. Finding it can be tricky...
  15. happilyinlove

    happilyinlove with myself :p

    Old topic but...

    Yes I do believe you can fall in love again after your first love.

    I had a few first loves (or so I thought at the time), before I met my *real* first love. That was great until it ended. We stayed friends to this day, we still care a lot about each other but it took seven years to find someone who could surpass my first. My fiancé is infinitely better than my first love and he was worth the wait and heartache along the way. He has made my life so much better in so many ways. It's hard to understand and probably silly to read but I live my life for him now, I can't imagine a future without him or our family.

    I actually dated someone for a period of a year [a couple years] before I met my fiancé. I really really liked him, and though he told me he loved me he refused to be together because he knew he would be deployed overseas at some point. This was devastating to me because I wanted to support him and couldn't understand why he would reject love to avoid potential heartache. It was a blessing in disguise. He actually said that if anything happened to him while he was deployed, he would never rest well knowing that he broke my heart. I told him he was breaking my heart by saying that. Four months before he was scheduled to come home, he was killed when his unit was attacked. I'm getting chills writing this now, but I think back to when he refused to let us be together and this was why. Because it wasn't meant to be.

    I have good reason to believe that if it's not working out (with love/career/whatever), it's because something better is coming your way. It may take time though so you need to be patient.
  16. usedtobehoney

    usedtobehoney Senior Member

    I don't know. My first love, was very much love, but I don't feel that way about it any more. I feel like a relationship ending, is failed love...I think it just means it went as far as it could go. Maybe it wasn't true love...I don't know how you would define that, what I would say is that I loved him. I'm not sure if he loved me, although he said he did and still says he does. I see him as someone I care about but really don't have a connection with at all, any longer.

    Love #2: Well both times I felt like I really loved these guys and would always be with them. I still care about this guy too and nothing really happened badly to make it end. But the act of ending it has seriously distorted whatever love was there to begin with. Again I don't think that because it ended it was a failure. That's just not how I see things.

    I don't think that my first love has any impact on future loves. I think if anything first love isn't "true love" and hopefully we learn more about love as we get older and more experienced. Maybe it's more about being able to accept, receive and attract the right kind of love, rather than being able to love someone...cause for me at least, that part comes easily.

    The way I see it though, love is a huge risk, it affects you in so many ways. It's not something I want to do again, anytime soon. Like years. Besides both of those guys say they still love me and that makes me in some way still apart of those loves.
  17. happilyinlove

    happilyinlove with myself :p

    Yes and to add to what you said usedtobehoney, I believe its a journey. I think the loves that come before the partner a person ends up with, are still true. Because the love is pure and well intended but like you said, it doesn't work out and fails. I hate to use the word failure, so I would refer to that as "young love". Im so grateful for the bad experiences I had, because they helped shape me and come to a conclusion about what I wanted and needed. My fiancé sometimes wishes that I never had loves before him, and I have to remind him that all the while I was working on becoming the best version of me that I could be to really contribute to a lasting relationship.
  18. usedtobehoney

    usedtobehoney Senior Member

    That was a typo, I meant isn't failed love.
  19. Just_a_woman

    Just_a_woman Member

    It is possible, because it has happened to me. I had that first love. I've had a second one, also overwhelming love. And I'm in love again with my husband. I love him very, very much. We've been together for 20 years and I love him more than at the beginning.
  20. Allisuunshine

    Allisuunshine Member

    Ive been with the same person sense i was 15 we went through a rough patch once and i tried to date other people but its like i couldnt even let anyone else in.. I dont think i coupd ever fall as hard again if i had too, i deffenitly believe in first love but also.. I do believe it would be possible to love again it just wouldnt be as intense

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