Is She Being Emotionally Unfaithful - Need Advice!

Hi Everyone! I am new here, and I need some advice.

I have been with my girlfriend in a committed, relationship and engaged for 5 years, 4 months. Everything seemed to be going great, she tells me she loves me. And will text me that she misses me during the day while she is working. We laugh together, just to keep it short, everything a happy couple should be doing......
Back in May/June I Had noticed she had been a bit more distant, was checking her phone constantly, she was more snappy, and moody, constantly typing on her phone when she was at home, lunch, etc. So I became suspicious. One day she accidentally left her Facebook logged on and I checked her Messenger, she had been messaging, a couple friends about some "guy" she had met online she'd been emailing with, just called him "C" and talked about how sweet he was, How he made her laugh, and just made her feel so good...and that he had talked about coming to town to meet her at her work one day.

I confronted her about it, She swore nothing had happened, that she found him on Craigslist, to talk to about our relationship, someone neutral that didn't know us...which I found hard to believe...and ask why she didn't talk to me if our relationship had issues that needed talked about...didn't give much of a answer.

She had also told the friend she was talking to about this guy, that I would ask her why we don't have sex and she would just ignore me. Which is true.....we talked about that as well and our sex was great again for a couple weeks but it has gone back to basically non existing again...Once last month...and when we do it is one sided...I do her...then I have to do myself to get off...when I try to say anything about it she makes a face or a smart comment and blows it off....really makes me feel unwanted... Its like she's just having sex with me to get off...

I don't know if I'm being paranoid but I saw her reading a email on her phone last night and she had this smiley/smirkey grin on her face, if that makes sense...like you would get if you were reading something cute or sweet or whatever from someone..my question Is would it be out of place to ask who its from or whatever...I think I have a right to know.

Also BTW..after I found out that stuff on her Facebook she immediately logged it off...has all her emails passworded..and FB, and I don't know any of them...she can get into any of my accounts at any time.

Any serious input and advice would be appreciated.

 

Feels like from what you write here, that she has met someone else online and will not come clean to you.....

 

make her come 3 times and get back to us.. just saying..

 

Emotional truth is the emotions you have and you will faithfully emote regardless attempts to conceal it. No not emotionally unfaithful. the question you should ask is what to do about your own emotional state. How does it reflect on your relationship. Are you distrustful, would you want a distrustful partner? You have to assume good will in order to possess it. Why do you worry whether the other enjoys themselves when you are not with them? Worry instead how to enjoy yourself when they are not with you and preserve your enjoyment together.

 

She found a neutral party on craigslist and nothing happened.

Seems legit.

 

May sound legit, but like I said she said nothing had happened, YET. She had told this person that she was messaging on Facebook about him that they had talked about him coming to town one day to see her at work but when I confronted her she said nothing was going on...I find it hard to believe...some feeling has to be there to want to meet someone like that...when I kept asking her she said she guessed it was more of a "FANTASY" My question was ...For some guy?!?! She said "I don't know why. I felt guilty the whole time I was talking to him... I won't email him again, but it still worries me.

 

Does it really sound legit to you? I was being very sarcastic.

 

its over....walk away

 

oh man...... oh man..........

babyblue, you've been with this girl for a few years, so this is gonna hurt!

we all know shes cheating on you, but we also know when your in this situation, your emotions get the better of you. theres no such thing as good advice right now. i suggest you start looking for a new one while you can, and hit it a few more times before it inevitably closes for business.

 

put a key logger on her computer and post the key logs here! hahahah j/k

put a recorder in her car that turns on automatically when it senses sound, and if you have time upload it to soundcloud or something and give us the link! hahahah j/k

you could also put a gps on her car! hahaha once again, j/k

 

You have to ask why she is doing it, why are you no longer enough.
She wants to move on...get your emotions together...and let her go.
Once trust has gone, you cant continue.
Its over but for the shouting.

 

Yeah... neither of you trust the other anymore, so even if if by some miracle she isn't actually cheating, it's over. And yeah, she's cheating.

At this point you're in a relationship that... isn't... I don't mean to say real, but, yeah, in existence. Dragging it out will only numb the pain that is inevitable momentarily

If you were both open to sharing even a little it'd be completely different - if she admitted it, it might even be different. But right now it sounds like using you is all she's doing

 

There are quite a few here saying walk away. And that may be the best advice, i dont know. Have you suggested that you two seek marriage/couples counseling as a neutral place together to figure things out?

 

Dom up on her xD girls love that

But with all seriousness, from a girls point of view, the best thing you can do is be different, not change who you are or anything, but
Lovers tend to get bored with their partner. Id maybe bring her out on a date, vacation, or do something just 100% dedicated to her.

She also may not be lying, I've found a neutral party on Craigslist before also, for me it was just a confidence boost, and he really did make me happy, though Id never consider dating the guy.

Id just stick to saying new things to her, cute, erotic, whatever you aren't used to. Try to say (good) things that catch her off guard. ^^
And you can use that dominant thing I mentioned earlier, but that could always turn out bad if she's like a feminist or something xD

I really wish the best for you, and if it doesn't work out, screw her, she wasn't worth the time of someone " seemingly faithful " like you ^^

 

It sounds like she doesn't want to be with you, but also doesn't want to do the work involved to leave you and get out on her own two feet.

She wants the best of both worlds. She wants to explore the possibility of being with other men, but also wants the security of being in a relationship with you.

Are you happy with this woman? If not, you need to make a decision.

If my husband was talking with another woman he met on craiglist, and having an emotional affair with her, I would NOT be happy about it. That behavior would not be tolerated in my relationship.

You and your fiancee have been engaged for 5 years. Are you planning on getting married anytime soon? Do you WANT to marry her?

 

you get the respect you deserve by not accepting disrespect.

I'd have walked out.

That's not emotional infidelity, thats infidelity.

If you're not comfortable you should talk about it with her, and come to a mutually beneficial decision.

voice your opinion clearly, write it down, talk to her, have her write her opinion and voice it, and then come up with a solution together on paper, that makes sense and make sure you're both litterally on the same page.

you can do the math in a relationship. she's hiding something, you feel unwanted and she isn't giving you any reasons to stay, she's defensive and you're not attacking, you're deflated and she's not filling you up. theres a discrepency.

come at it with logic and be real, keep the conversation present and adress the past point by point if it comes up.

From the sound of it though, it's on its last legs. You can fix it, but you've got to give it time and attention.

 

First of all, I'm sorry that this is happening to you

The way I'd go about it is, try getting her to show you the conversations between him and her.
Ask her if you can see what this 'C' is telling her. If she submits to your request, then MAYBE she's telling you the truth. MAYBE.

At the same time, if she went out of her way to change all the passwords on her facebook etc, then it's obvious that she doesn't want anyone, A,K,A, you, seeing what's on them.
I'd ask her why she changed her passwords.

But, honeslty, it really doesn't seem like she's being very honest with you.
On the other hand, I don't know her and what she's like but, when someone goes as far as changes her password and changes the way she is around you, then I'm thinking that something might be up.

Sadly, I had a friend who had this happen to him.
His gf at the time was chatting with someone constantly via text. Smirking and had changed her attitude towards him. He finally found out and she then left him for the new guy.
But, honestly, I'd ask her those questions. If things don't quite add up, then maybe you should ask more and more until you find the answer

It's your heart, time and effort that's being put into this relationship. You have a right to ask all you need to
So ask.
I hope this helps and I wish you all the best.

xx

 

I was talking to this guy the other day and he was telling me how his ex would still talk to her exes. He also told me that, that bothered him. And I told him that I think it's all a matter of finding someone that agrees with you regarding all this stuff. Basically, there are some people who don't like that their partner has friends of their sexual orientation, is friends with their exes, or in your case has 'emotional connections' with someone else, particularly someone of their sexual orientation. While others are totally fine with being in a relationship where their partner is partaking in those things and has those things. All in all, I think it's a matter of knowing your standards of what you feel comfortable and don't feel comfortable with within a relationship and finding someone that shares those standards. You could also try changing that person's standards to meet your own. Sometimes it actually works, not in the sense that you get what you want, but you both get what you want. That's the definition of having something work. It doesn't work because something is going your way. It's that it coexists nicely with someone else's way. Or you can change your standards as well to meet hers. Again, changing in a way that works for both of you, not just her.

 

I hate it when I take the time to reply to an "Advice needed" thread, and the OP disappears forever...