I've been together with my boyfriend for 9 months now. I was battling with depression which caused us to have a break from being intimate with each other while we're still technically together trying to work things out. We haven't had sex for almost 3 months now. But even before then we would only have sex once a week or less when we were living together. I know he's always tired from his work but I couldn't help feeling very sexually frustrated and hurt from rejection. I don't have much experience, so I don't know is it normal for me, 27 y/o to want sex almost everyday, and him, 33 y/o to be OK with once a week and none for 3 months? Am I being selfish for feeling sexually frustrated? Is my sex drive considered normal or is his just low?
he wants sex every day....just not with you out of a hundred dudes maybe 2 could cope with a depressed girlfriend and no sex.....80 of the rest would say they could but in reality could not the remainder wouldn't even try just dump the dude and find someone more grateful to the pussy gods
Msjp you have every right to your own feelings as he does to his. Have you discussed all this together? "is my sex drive considered normal or is his just low?" What is normal??? Is it what society dictates? Your peers? Just questions for your own thought, I don't want an answer or to impart any advice because everyone and every relationship has different dynamics.
Mmmm hmmmm Sounds more like you cut off the sex because you wanted something from him, but that backfired, and instead of trying harder he gave up trying If I have the maths right, 9 month relationship, 6 months in you suffer depression....surely you must be able to recognize that to him that would of looked like you were depressed with him Next guy, do NOT (no matter what any other girl tells you ), do NOT try use sex to control him
Excellent questions. When it comes to sex, I think it's easier to define when something is dramatically abnormal than it is to actually establish a baseline for "normal" (as defined by Quakers maybe?). And trying to decide what frequency seems like a fool's errand until you run into someone who wants to exceed a half-dozen times a day, 10 on weekends. To the Op, time to talk about it. Don't try to apply your own way of thinking to someone else as a way to fill in the information gaps. You need it from the source. One thing I can say is that if you pulled the plug suddenly, it may be a while before he feels he can trust you again.
OP, I too think you need to talk to your partner. But you know something, nothing about your situation is all that uncommon as far as I'm concerned. You have mentioned him being always tired from his work. Fatigue can definitely diminish one's sex drive. It's also possible that he's under some stress. Stress can definitely kills one's sex drive, too. As for the age thing, it is said that a man's sexual "peak" is about 18 years old, whereas a woman's counterpart is somewhere in the 30's. So yeah, it's not that surprising that your sex drive is high and his is low. I prefer not to use the word "normal" just because I personally don't like that word, but both of you sound "natural" considering your situation. I'll share with you a little something about me here. I'm a bit older than your boyfriend but I'm also always tired due to a number of things: work, family issues, stress, depression, physical health. So, quite naturally my sex drive is low right now. Add to that, I'm in a long distance relationship. It can be very difficult because when my sex drive actually does flare up, the time difference more often than not makes it impossible for me to arrange something(typically cam sex) with my girlfriend. I feel bad about it but I'm usually just too tired to do anything sexual by the time she's all good to go(at like 4am my time), especially when we can't even touch each other. I used to be able to require a lot less sleep than I do now. I actually don't like sleeping that much, but now I have to because my body aggressively demands it. She's also a lot younger than me and, as far as I know, her sex drive is quite healthy. Oh, to be young again, lol. But here's what we do, because we do recognize it as something that needs rectifying; we make sure to talk about it all. She knows I've been dealing with stress, episodes of depression, work, and the family related mess. She knows I'm tired. And I know she wants more from me. So what we do is to try to be patient about it. It's not just hard for one party, it's hard for both. We understand this so we try to take our time and work on it together. I started exercising regularly again to improve myself. Actually, she works out too now, which I find is cute, lol. I'm trying to eat more sensibly, and also watch my booze consumption. Nothing happens overnight, but it's a slow process into becoming more energetic. But hey, my sex drive is still not that high. Right now, I typically masturbate to completion(orgasm) about once every week and a half on average. More often than not, I do so more out of health concerns than anything else. When stress hits, my dick goes into hibernation, if you will. In fact, that's the case with most of my guy friends, too. My best bud and I were having a conversation about it just the other day; he gets exhausted from work and his sex drive is shot. There you go. So, talk about it with your partner. Be honest but remember to also be caring about his feelings as well. This is very important. Avoid blaming him, or implying that it's his fault, because that's just going to make him all defensive and ultimately make things worse. Instead, be concerned about his well-being. You went through depression before and I'm sure your sex drive was affected by it. Remember that, and try to understand where he's coming from, because maybe he's stressed out, or even depressed himself, and unable to talk to you about it. Help him relax, and rest. When he has regained sufficient energy, I'm sure his sex drive will be higher, too. All the best. ::The AT::
Thank you for all of your comments and advice, especially @alternative_thinker for the patient message. I have actually brought it up with him few times before, I've never blamed him actually, and he had explained to me the reasons before, pretty much the same as you described: being tired, stress etc. I understood and accepted those reasons. However, since I have only been with one other guy before him, I didn't have much reference. And media always portray that men pretty much always want it and hardly ever turn down sex. I knew I wasn't fair for thinking that way, but I really couldn't fight the frustration and feeling rejected. I wasn't really looking for a solution here, I suppose I was just hoping to hear similar situations from you guys, because I really don't want to feel like it's because he's not attracted to me or I don't turn him on. He's really a wonderful guy, he's been very patient during my depression, and I don't want to allow myself to have negative feelings towards him because of this. I do hope that once things are back to normal and he's well rested, that we'll start enjoying sex more regularly.
