Is my reason a legitamate excuse?

Hey everyone, names Jan. I've been a big supporter and fan of dreadlocks but i've never had a chance to get them because i was always looked after (Parents were always criticizing what i loved) and i've always wanted to get dreads ever since i was a kid. I'm not sure how I came to this decision but over the past year and a half i've been researching and reading up on it and i believe that dreads just fit my personality, my spirituality, and my beliefs. I'm very open minded and very passionate about music and dancing. I'm also into art as i am a web developer. And my friends and i are pretty chill. I just want to be different as many say but more importantly i want to be me hah.

The only thing is telling my parents and what their response would be. I have a general idea from it since they are Filipino...

Would it be best to let me parents know before hand? Or should it just be a surprise?

Also,

does anyone live around Cypress, CA in Orance County who can do dreads?? I really want to get it done well. No one i know does it so hopefully i can get help in this forum.

I look forward to this experience.

 

If you're over 18 and don't live at home why do your parents need to know?

 

ditto ^

and you can "do" dreads yourself

 

based on the few words i've read that came from you... it doesnt really sound like you will have them for very long.

it sounds like you feel that your parents are going to make you cut them.

which means your parents are probably going to make you cut them.

tell them first, because its not fair to waste somebody's time having them knot up your hair so you can go home and condition the hell out of as soon as you get there and go back to straight.

i would consider doing them yourself also. i did mine myself and i wouldnt trade that experience for the world. it takes longer, but all you do is chill with people and bullshit the whole time anyway, so is longer really a bad thing?

also, one thing i learned from a friend who has parents that wont allow dreads:

we installed dreads on him backcombing/crocheting, he went home, his mom flipped and made him take them out.

then he went natural and all was well. his mom didnt notice the slow transition and she was fine with it. less of a shock i guess.

anyway, welcome to the forum and good luck getting nappy

 

Two questions need to be asked. How old are you and do you live with your parents. If you live under their roof, I'd respect their wishes... or if they pay for your education, etc. It sounds like you are not in school so are likely financially indepedent. If you live outside of their house, then it is your adult choice to do it if you like.

 

I totally disagree with all this 'appease the parents' reasoning. If parents have issues with their offspring’s tastes, interests, style, etc, that's their problem, not the offspring. It's absolutely ridiculous that a person should live their life according to someone else's likes and dislikes. If you want locks, get locks ... if your parents pop, then they pop ... Jah has no problem with locks anyway.

I went throughout school worrying about what my father thought about everything I did. Then sometime when I was 19 I said 'enough' and started living life my way ... I had a mohawk for over 3 years, he did back-flips. The first time I grew locks, he did cartwheels ... the second time he almost broke down. Now I'm growing locks again and when I get back to South Africa he’ll probably have something to say again.

But it's all his problem, not mine ... I'm 36 and if I had lived life his way, then I would have a problem, a big problem ... but throughout the years his ongoing disapproval made me more independent, I had to earn my own money, pay my own way ... get a roof, appreciate the little I have ... get a backbone, walk my own path.

Being a people pleaser makes a person weak ... I cut both loads of locks previously for the world of employment and it did more bad than good in the long run ... do your own thing!

 

DonBK... don't you think respect has to factor in somewhere? I mean... if you live under your parents roof and they are providing for you, then I believe you shoudl respect the rules of their house?

Personally, I do'nt know why parents would have issues with dreadlocks, but if those are the rules (and it seems like a very minor one considering what parents could be strict over) then abide by them. Ppl have a lifetime to live their lives how they choose once they move out.

Perhaps even approaching htem as an adult and explaining how they are clean, etc and the reasoning behind them would be the adult adn mature thing to do rather than... "I got locks and there's nothing you can do about it!"

 

Daisy, respect is a two way stream, rules of the house is one thing, but suppressing someone's being is totally different ... then it's not about respect, it's about obedience ... and the product of obedience is dependency.

If a person feels they can't express themselves because of their parent's rigidness, then I think it's time that person starts making plans to move out as soon as they are the legal age to acquire their own domicile ... buying into any form of fascism, whether it’s in society or in the home is something that I don't feel should ever be encouraged.

 

I totally agree with this. =)

I'm not saying that it is right that the parents enforce these rules, I'm just saying that if having peace in a household is of much more value to everyone until the person has the ability to be independent.

I think we agree on most of it. Perhaps some of the tinier details we disagree on.

I'm a parent, and if one of my children wanted to tattoo a naked lady on their face, I wouldn't want them to and I would expect them to respect my wishes as long as they lived in my house. I know that's extreme to a hair style, but to some ppl its just as extreme.

 

get'em

 

And just throwing it out there, but pinoy parents can be some harsh sticklers. Luv13, I suggest waiting until you live somewhere else or going the natural route like braindecay said. When someone fucks up in my girlfriend's family they get "ex-communicated." Watch out!

Locks are like hallucinogens, they can change your world... or you won't feel shit and you'll wonder what everyone else is trippin' on. The point being that you shouldn't try, until you are ready and in the right physical and mental space. It's gonna be tough enough without having to worry about your parents. Of course, if you're tired of having to follow their rules and are willing to give up their support as the price of your freedom, power to ya...

 

Sure Daisy, peace is good, but this kind of peace would be fake.

As for ability, well the best way to have the drive to become independent is by not becoming comfortable with dependency.

Probably Sister, Probably

Ahh, the parental perspective, well in all fairness, if a parent truly loves their child they won't throw their child out on the street if they disapprove of their child's appearance ... if they do throw their child out on the basis of appearance, then surely they never really loved their child ... either way, it's best to get that 'who's who in the zoo' story sorted out sooner than later.

 

Or they love other things more than their child

 

Thanks guys for your kind words and opinions.

Here are some answers to the questions i've read haha

1) No i do not live with my parents and im 22. The only reason i wanted to ask them is out of respect you know? I love my fam a lot and my mom and i are close. I have piercings already gauged my ears and she had no problem with it. I just want her to know in advanced so that when she see's me she wont go "filipino" crazy haha. It's nothing against the whole "parenting" thing is just that in my culture, well really just the way i am, i like to share these experiences with people and in this case with my mom.

2) i'll probably end up doing it myself or with a help of a friend. I know it'll be a long process but here at work i'm free to do whatever i want with my body and style.

I'm really glad to have found a place where i can communicate with others about dreads. i've been on other forums but this one seems to have more of a bonding community.

I really want to get them started but i want to start off with long dreads about 1-2 inches above my shoulders. I have a picture that i can show and maybe you guys can tell me if my hair is long enough?

I'm the one to the far left. My brother and i wanted to dread together but he recently cut his off so i'm doing the honors hah


By luv13ug at 2009-10-09

 

Good times Jan. Sounds like you'll be fine with your mom. Good luck with your dreadxperience. :cheers2:

 

Awww! what a gorgeous photo! Your hair is certainly long enough. =)

 

Your hair is thick and awesome, it will give birth to some epic dreads I'm sure. IMO you should get a friend over and watch a movie or five, depending on how long it takes, and start your babylocks. I recommend twist and rip since I started mine that way a month ago and they are already coming along very good, but you could also do backcombing if you want
Take some time and talk with your mom about it, tell her that dreadlocks do not smell or grow mold or shelter bugs, and tell her that having them would mean alot to you. I'm also really close to my mom and she told me a definite NO when I first proposed it, but then I had a long talk with her and made her investigate and read it up on her own and then she was ok with it - now she loves them and proudly shows pictures of her dreadhead son to her friends. I wish you the best of luck, and I demand you to stay on this forum and update us on how things go!

 

Thanks man!! I really hope her and i get passed the whole "EWW" phase haha

Thank you !!

I might do some backcombing babylocks for now then once my hair starts growing i might do a few twist and rip. Do you know any video's or any tutorials on twist and rip to get me started once i do?

 

you sound like a tool.

either get em, or don't. if you are an adult, what does it matter what your parents think/say about your hair? its just hair. it has nothing to do with music or creativity or art or anything else like that. unless you are trying to be another ja marley

also, how can dreads fit your spirituality? can you elaborate on this statement?

ask your doctor if drewards are right for you.

 

Thanks to your encouraging words -_-

Seriously though, i'm not saying that you are wrong with what you say dude but honestly you don't know me...

And yes hair is hair but there's more to it to just doing whatever i want with it.

If you knew me you'd understand. I'm not trying to argue with you or anything cuz hey i'd say the same thing. But this one is different and it's something that i plan on keeping.

Spirituality wise, people will criticize me i know that for a fact but if i keep myself stable and keep what i believe with me then i'll be a stronger person.

It's hard to explain cuz the spiritual life is only between me and my God so its hard to elaborate on that haha.

Sorry if i sounded like a tool i really am. I wasn't trying to at all.