Is My Boyfriend A Sociopath?

I am concerned that my boyfriend might be a Sociopath; this is something I have been pondering for a few months. I have been dating him for about seven months and he is quite different to other guys I have gone out with before.
1. He hasn’t said he loves me and he ‘isn’t sure if he can’ (he said this when the topic came up in conversation one day). He says he loves his pet and his mother, but rarely has very overexcited, passionate feelings towards anything or anyone. He gets mad, sure, but I’ve never seen him in a blind rage. Even if we have a bit of a tiff, he gets over it pretty quickly.
2. He struggles to feel sympathy for others. I don’t know many people like that. I’m quite emotional, so find it easy to relate to how others are feeling- I will often cry if a friend is in pieces or if I see something very sad or happy on the television. He doesn’t usually cry or bear strong feelings of angst. I mean, nothing seriously wrong has really happened for me to experience him doing this. However, I have ‘witnessed’ him cry once, on the phone to me when I was really upset with him one time.
3. He doesn’t really have any ambitious thoughts for the future, or fantasize. Occasionally he will mention we will be together for ages and have kids and blah, but that could just be him saying what he thinks I want to hear. He just doesn’t get very excited for much. He’ll say he’s looking forward to something, but he’s normally very calm.
4. He doesn’t have any friends. Not proper friends, and he doesn’t go out or do much. He really likes to keep to himself. I’ve known this from the start and it doesn’t bother me, it’s more of a concern, because it’s kinda normal to at least have 1 or 2 good friends you do stuff with? He has a lot of family, but his mum told me recently he doesn’t see them much at all. He isn’t really close to anyone and keeps a lot of things to himself.

Those are the main reasons why I suspect. I don’t think he’s on the extreme end, but perhaps he may have sociopathic tendencies? He is an incredibly nice guy- but not overtly charming, he’s sweet, friendly- (but I wouldn’t say likeable he is kinda like marmite), he will do anything you ask (within reason). He doesn’t normally do anything to go out of his way to put me on a pedestal, he treats everyone with pretty much the same respect.
I have fallen for him, but these few things are bugging me because I want the feelings in our relationship to be mutual. At least if he’s a sociopath I can kind of understand why he is the way he is, rather than think something is wrong with me. Maybe I’m just more concerned about him loving me, because a chunk of me worries that he doesn’t love me and never will and could potentially cause me a lot of hurt and never once feel bad about it.

Opinions please? I'd be very grateful.

 

This is a forum, and what you're bringing up is a potential medical issue, as sociopaths have different brain structures than other people. I'd recommend you not take anything anybody says all too seriously, besides mental health professionals. That being said, he could just as easily be depressed. When you're depressed, you tend to find feeling sympathy for others difficult, given the negative emotion you feel all the time, and the lack of joy you take from things. A low self esteem could be contributing to his desire to socially isolate himself, and that's why he doesn't have any friends.

I don't know if he has any mental health disorders, or is specifically a sociopath or a psychopath, and I can't know that. I don't think this should be approached from 'please give opinions' on a forum, over medical professionals. This is for the same reason you don't go on a forum about diagnosing someone with diabetes.

 

Do I have a girlfriend and not know about it? Are you her??? How come I never see you?!

j/k... sounds a lot like me. Not really sure what to say here... Sounds as if he may have certain walls in place, or put a few too many up in order to protect himself from various things he may have experienced in life. A lot of guys like to 'bottle their emotions up' and do things like not crying. Of course, it's not really something we do, as in - say - have a choice sometimes. It's just that after certain things that cause us emotional pain, we put up barriers to prevent us from feeling that way. Well, some of us do. A lot of times too, if the mental trauma is fairly recent, those barriers hold strong and it takes us a while to get past them again.

If I were in your shoes, I'd wait until one of these things happen that concern you... not really like actively wait, but if you happen to notice it and are aware it's happening, just bring it up and ask why he does that or why it is he is the way he is? Don't poke and prod at an answer, let him know he doesn't have to address it if he doesn't want to, but let him know it's okay to talk about these things and you're there if he wants to talk about it. It sounds like he's just really introverted. I'm an introvert at heart, but I'm actively trying to become more of a social person.

It can be really... agh idk the word to describe it... but trying to be more open with people as an introvert can be pretty nervewracking. Like taking a step out of your comfort zone. You're a step out and closer to your goal, but it's just that easy to take a step back and retract from being that much closer to your goal simply for the fact of feeling more comfortable inside.

Him crying isn't a good thing necessarily, but it shows that he does care and have genuine feelings for you. It's not unusual I guess for someone not to say they love you after being together for that long. Some people love easily, and some just have to make absolutely positively SURE they love someone before they let the other person know. I'd play with it though if you feel love for him. Like "I know you don't love me, but I don't care, I still love you back." Smiley face

Just keep things light-hearted and listen to your heart. If you feel like it might not work out in the long run, just try not to get too attached. (Easier said than done I suppose...)
Best of luck

 

He does not sound like a sociopath.

A sociopath would be telling you that he loves you and everything else that you desire to hear. They study you that way.

 

He doesn't sound like one to me.

 

He sounds schizoid. Google Schizoid Personality Disorder.

 

Some people's lack of friends seems to just be so because of a simple acceptance of their current situation. They simply had the misfortune of not getting a good friendship (this just happens) or they lose them after highschool or something and then find out they don't have any good friends anymore. While most people seem to make friendships automatically in their youth they don't know where to seriously start with finding a new good friend later. And there are also some people who are both normal and kind of a hermit.

This guy doesn't sound abnormal to me. Except if my partner was showing a lack of emotion or excitement about pretty much everything that would indeed suck a bit. But I wouldn't think he's got to have a disorder.

 

Everything you posted after that sentence is irrelevant unless you have the degree to diagnose him. Self-diagnosing according to a website is not a proper way of solving anything. He needs to see a professional.

 

Or maybe better said: she needs him to see a professional.

 

he does not sound like a sociopath. How much do you know about his history? It is possible a childhood trauma or failed relationship prevents him from getting close to people.

 

people who are frowning on the advice here


fuck off....yes its a forum.....no we aren't doctors.....op is looking for an opinion....not a goddamned diagnosis


we aren't talking about red sores on the dudes penis where urging to go see a doctor is appropriate


we are talking mental health.....and it is HEALTHY TO DISCUSS MENTAL HEALTH

 

Thank you everyone for your responses. I really appreciate it.

And to those going 'you need a professional opinion, why cry to a forum?' I understand that. I was just wondering if anyone could give me an objective view of my man rather than just me, looking things up and over thinking everything. I know it's a bit of a drastic thing to say about him- I just wanted a casual view, or if anyone had any personal experiences with someone similar they could share.

Perhaps he's just a normal guy and I'm just an obsessive bitch? :/

 

Thank you! You get where I'm coming from ;P

 

The thing is, he doesn't really tell me about things like that... Trust me, I have asked pretty much everything you could ever ask! I am very inquisitive so I like to have deep chats often. He always replies, but it's usually pretty blunt and not too involved. All I know is, I'm his first proper girlfriend and he is quite insecure about his outward appearance and appeal to the opposite sex.

 

Sociopath?

I just looked it up and thought so....they are without conscience.......Does not sound like a sociopath to me from what you write here....

Maybe he is just a loner and a bit anti social is all.

 

Actually ASPD is more a condition of the central nervous, spinal and limbic systems. That is some kind of physical trauma early on causes a slight desensitivity to pain compared to the norm. They grow up not really feeling the same compared to the norm which triggers a lack of empathy, think others are often acting as they dont have the same reactions to normal people, disociation through their life times develops because of it.

Up to 5% of the population are sociopaths

Or put more simply, not everyone is going to react the same way physically or emotionally to the same things.

That would also mean there is that 5% down the other end, too sensitive, born to live life as an emotional mess

 

You realise that central nervous system includes both the brain and spinal cord, and the limbic system is part of the brain right? So when I said brain structure, I'm referring to the limbic system as well XD
And you're right, they don't react the same way as other people. The differences between psychopathy and sociopathy, tend to be that psychopaths are more genetically influenced, and sociopaths are more influenced by trauma and the like. Both of them have reduced fear response, which ties into their abnormal amygdala. In addition to many other abnormalities in brain structure.

 

sociopath can display anti-social behavior as well. there's a difference between being a loner, and anti-social behavior. people who display anti-social behavior can be hard to get along with.

also, anti-social behavior does not necessarily make one a sociopath automatically. i've had the misfortune of getting involved with a few people i thought had psychopathic/sociopathic tendencies and they are really people you would wish you had never been involved with. i saw the signs too, but thought i was too smart for them to try anything funny ... and i was but they still tried. normal rules of logic and reason don't necessarily apply in the world of the psychopath, also this person/people im referring to wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed either which makes things that much worse. logic and reason, and the display of intellect makes them that much more crazy, they don't like that at all. i still find the thought process of this sort of person intriguing though it is probably best to observe from a distance.

OP, nothing you mentioned makes him sound like a psycho to me. sounds like he's too nice of a guy, none of the psychos i've had the pleasure of knowing were very nice people. they could be very nice people if it was in their own interest, otherwise they could be pretty nasty. Everything is about THEM, and if they care about you it's only because you mean something to THEM, but not in the normal way ... they don't really care about you for you, it's more like appearing to care for you benefits them because you serve some useful purpose to them.

 

huh? What? Who are you talking about?
No, I don't know what the op's boyfriend has...maybe he has been hurt and is closed down for now....I just said loner and anti social, as that could be the case, too....who knows? I don't.....

 

im just sayin' psychos and sociopaths can be crazy as a motherfucker, and they'll try and drive you crazy too. If OPs boyfriend is a sociopath that could lead to a fairly unpleasant experience(s). He probably isn't one though.