coming out as bi? i'm in a happy relationship with a guy, so it's not like i'm telling him i'm a lesbian & breaking up with him.. so is it worth telling anyone about it? because nothing will change..but i'm scared something will change :/ i just dunno if it will change things between me & my boyfriend/me & my friends :/ help please!?
Blessed be, To answer your first question briefly: yes! (that is true in my personal case, certainly.) Nice to hear that you are in a happy relationship. That is one nice foundation for happiness. But, as I read from your question, you don't feel quite whole in that sense of exploring bisexuality... am I wrong here...? I guess that what you wrote in the sense of "Hi, Love. Oh, by the way... I am lesbian/bi..." would be too fast a step to take, really. One way I'd suggest is to test the waters slowly, step by step. For instance, is your SO (significant other)/boyfriend/lover into watching erotica, e.g. on the 'net? If that is the case, why not try to search for something together, and then steering towards girl-on-girl erotica... Many men (including myself) find such erotic pictures quite sensual and stimulating. From there, it is another small step to try and ask whether he has fantasies about women being together sexually, and if he ever fantasized about you in such a situation... You could make it a sexual exploration talk - that is, if he is into such things... If you find out, that he actually likes the idea and also already fantasized about it (men's minds can be dirty when it comes to sexuality... ), it might be easier to tell him, that you'd like to try it for real. I guess, something will change: you will have an answer to your question. If you do come out,and if everything works out fine, you might discover that it was the key to your personal happiness, as you know feel whole on part of your personal sexual identity. See above - for sure, there will be things happening between you and your boyfriend, which can be called a change. And, a change for the happier, I hope. About your friends... it depends on how close and deep the friendship is. If they really are close friends, as those you can tell anything about you, and they still stand by you, they might eve be happy along with you and congratulate you on your finding your bisexual self. If they are more like pals and buddies to go out with and have a drink, I'd be cautious and rather not tell them... This being my personal POV on this, I hope it has given you a little hepful input. Good luck, and be well and happy. ~*Ganesha*~
I dont think there's any need to tell him...love is the main thing, and should be above anything else. If you are in love with him, and happy being in a monogomous relationship with him, then there is no point in risking that just to tell him you're also attracted to females. Unless you intend to explore that, in which case you need to ask yourself is just being with him enough for you? If you're in a relationship, its probably not going to stop you from being attracted to other people. (Whether you're gay, bi, or straight) But if you are in love, and arent into "swinging", then just being with that one person should be enough for you. It depends on how you feel really, but if i were you, i wouldnt say anything. And just be very grateful i was in a loving, happy relationship with a guy who adores me. Something that lots of us would kill to have. Including me.
heh... namkcih, I think you are worrying about this way way too much. In general, guys LOVE lesbians and talk about it all the time when they're aren't any girls around. Seriously!!! It is my fantasy as well as the fantasy of half my friends to hook up with a girl and get told "I like girls too". Wow, I would be all over her. I guess every guy is different and they each have their own interests but if you say that you'll have a very very good chance of intensifying your sex-life. The reason you're probably unsure is that guys rarely speak of lesbians in front of girls cause its pretty inappropriate. Of course ganesha1967 is right and every once in awhile I trip across a guy who doesn't like lesbians so don't just blurt it out though. However, I would very very definitely try to tell him if it seems appropriate.
From an older happily married guy's personal view - If you have not yet had a female lover, then as has been said - he doesn't need to know at this point. I have been with my wife for over 30 years and we've reied a few things - swinging ( soft swinging only for reasons that I wont go into ), dom/sub ( she is a natural born submissive sexually ), B&D, mild S&M and it's all been fun and as a couple. Communicate and talk to him - as has been suggested, use some porn to bring the subject up and edge into it from there and then ( if it feels right), tell him that you have these needs. If you really love him and d onot want to lose him, then talk to him and feel him out as to how he would react to you with another girl or with the two of you with one special other couple. My experience has been consistantly that if you communicate and assure each other of your devotion for each other - and SHOW your affection.. you'll do OK. When yu see a pretty girl or woman who appeals to you when you are out and about with him, comment on her and ask his opinion - "Gee, she's pretty.. I love her eyes - what do you think" sort of thing is another approach. You may be surprised at how he responds...
I dont think every guy who doesnt have a problem with lesbians is going to be happy for his girlfriend to be fooling around with other women. Just because a guy would have a problem with that, doesn't automatically mean he has a problem with lesbians. Sure, he may be ok with it, but lots of people want to be faithful to their partners, and expect the same thing in return. I have heard some women saying "well, it's not cheating if its just with another woman", which is obviously not right at all. Just because a guy would have a problem with his girl being with other woman, doesnt mean he has a problem with lesbians...
Well I would tell a significant other but I seriously dont think it is ever worth it to come out. coming out makes it so you were in the closet and supressed it and now its something that defines you. Straight people dont go around declaring it, and people who are gay or bi shouldnt need to either. I would still tell my bf though if i were you
Straight people don't have to supress their sexuality though, so it's different. Gay people have to come out, because if they don't, everyone will just assume they're straight. Your sexuality shouldn't be something that defines you, its just one part of you. But comparing the situation of gays to straights isn't entirely fair. Gay people have to "come out" if they want other people to know about their sexuality. And they have to do that, or they'll just be assumed to be straight. In an ideal world, gays wouldnt have to supress their sexuality. But we're not living in an ideal world. If i had a bf, i wouldn't tell him i was bi, unless i was looking to explore being with other women. If i only wanted to be with him, and i would, cos id want to be faithful to my man, then i wouldnt tell him. There's no point.
Only if it makes you happy, or if the situation requires that you should. End of. I feel sexuality is just another aspect of a person. I love egg on toast, but I don't tell everyone about it as it doesn't seem important. Unless of course, someone is making it- then it becomes relevant Bit of a weird way to put it, but no one should expect it off you. I don't feel it is relevant to you at this point. But thing may change. Just my ten cents.
