Is it cheating?

So…as many of you know me well by now, I don’t have romantic relationships and don’t ever intend to! I have likely been with many married men, although I wouldn’t even know if that was the case for most of them. So if I’m just a one time sex object, like a living blow up doll, is it really cheating for the married man? If you say yes, is it a lesser level of cheating as he’s not “looking for love” or looking to replace the current wife with me?

Just thought I’d ask as some have intimated they have cheated by being with me and a few have said they don’t consider it as such (of course I don’t take a poll in the middle of a bang )!

 

To be honest, I would never cheat on my wife. I would ask her permission. Kinda strange I know but she would probably say yes, just like if she asked me if she could have sex with another man. I would say ok, on the condition that you tell me all the details of how it was. Also while she was describing her encounter I would be definitely jacking off.

 

If the wife of a man who's slept with you finds out and sues for divorce, would the court care if it was a one time affair or a genuine love thing?

There may be different degrees on the level of cheating but if so, it depends a lot on the cheated upon spouse's opinion.

 

Jenna, first off bare in mind that these are my opinions only.

If person #1 is in a serious relationship with someone else (person #2), and person #1 engages with any form of sexual/romantic activities with anyone other than person #2, without informing person #2 about those activities, that's cheating/adultery. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines "adultery" as:

Adultery: N. Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than that person's current spouse or partner.

So, if a married guy fucks you, unless he tells his spouse about it (beforehand or after) and they (the spouse/SO) sanctions it, it's cheating. It doesn't matter whether you're a one-time fuck for him, or he's expressly paying you for sex. All other factors are irrelevant. For your sex partners that have intimated that they have cheated by being with you, if they have a spouse (or SO), then, yup, it's cheating. As for the ones who say that they don't consider it as such, well "denial" ain't just a river in Egypt, y'know!

Now, it's different for you. Since you're not married or even in a serious relationship with anyone, you can fuck your brains out and it's NEVER cheating!

(I hope that you don't take any of this as criticism on my part. I have a great deal of affection for you... but, you DID ask.)

 

Appreciate the candor! Truly I never gave it much of a thought until reading other posts about cheating. I guess I was just thinking of it from my own perspective, that I’m never intending to steal anyone’s husband or boyfriend. So I imagine then a lot of guys probably cheat with me, but I guess I shouldn’t feel guilty about it. They are adults and I’m not forcing anything.

 

No reason to feel guilty, they made the decision. If in the end it was a wrong decision, that’s on them. You actually didn’t seek them out. They decided to seek you out. Sleep good with a clear conscience.

 

For me, it's expected that I'm going to be satisfied by someone else. And honestly, if the "someone else" is looking for more than fun, I'm not going to be a part of that. All of my friends know that they're either making me feel good, or making themselves feel good or both. And that's it. If I were to meet you, I would surely enjoy your company (all of my "friends" are real friends and we often meet just to socialize) but I would expect that you would expect me to enjoy your body and everything you would offer. If your there to give me some satisfaction AND involve me in other ways, then it's off. I know it sounds rude but for me, it's so much easier when a friend helps out sexually without expecting anything more complicated. And it CAN get complicated as I learned early on.

 

I think cheating is in the eye of the beholder.

I'm a bi male and I'm married. I really enjoy playing with cocks and giving BJ's. That desire of mine can't be fulfilled by my wife. So, I find guys online or at the gay spa.

I don't consider it cheating, but I'm pretty sure my wife would.

The one thing that I am particular about is my interaction with women. I've never gotten a lot of attention from women, so when I do, it's a heavenly experience. I may take things too far, so I have to Check myself.

I don't want to emotionally cheat on my wife.

 

Sometimes those doing the cheating will come up with reasons why it is not in order to justify it

I had an affair with a friend in my 20s, she was 24, got knocked up and married at 19, the marriage was absolute shit, we'd always been close one thing led to another and we started having sex. One time she said something along the lines of she didn't really consider it cheating because they had an almost non existent sex life, i didn't question it, i was well aware of what it was.

 

I should not worry. If someone wants sex, you don't have to ask if he might have a partner who might object. It's his responsability.

 

What one considers as cheating and what isn't can be quite subjective, as you have discovered by answers from your partners who were married, as well as the responses in here. The best way I could simplify the question about cheating can be done by focusing on "Trust."

A relationship is not a real relationship without trust. If someone is having sex with someone else while in a relationship with another, but does everything they can to keep it a secret from their SO, then they clearly believe they're doing something wrong, behind the back of their SO, and therefore cheating.

If they're honest with their SO about having an open relationship and their SO (both parties) agree with this lifestyle & go out to have sex with others outside of that relationship, then that isn't cheating, because both are aware of what's going on and both are OK with it.

Summing up, for me, cheating is the act of doing something behind the back of your significant other & trying to hide what you're doing from them because you don't trust them in accepting it and/or they don't trust you with others. Open communication is key.

As for those you have been with who are married and possibly cheating on their partners with you, while the onus of cheating is on them (it's not your responsibility to make a check list or manage their personal lives, they're a grown adult), I can understand that there could he thoughts in your mind towards how your actions could negatively affect that man's partner if she found out the truth..... But that's on the guy, not you. You seem to have made it clear where your priorities are and honest about it. Them not being honest with their SO's is a "Them Problem."

 

Truthfully don’t know how it is treated over here. Our courts and laws can be a bit different than in America.

 

Strangely, even though I’ve now had sex with over 5000 men in my life, I can’t say I ever knew the SO of anyone that I had sex with. Strangely, at my office job during the day, I have noted more than one girl who has actively tried to get guys to cheat with them and they know the guys SO and may have even been friends! In that case I would feel guilty, at least 50%.

 

Definitely nothing wrong with that, if a guy cheats that’s on his conscience. Nothing for you to worry about

 

It's certainly tricky, and maybe I come off as a bit of a hypocrite in saying this, but I see a difference between someone who is in a relationship approaching you for sex, and you accepting (whether you know if they're in a relationship or not), versus you seeking someone out to have sex with, knowing they have a partner. There's a bit of indirect maliciousness towards that girl getting trust betrayed that I don't believe is justified (by my actions at least)

As a single person, you can do whatever you want. As a person in a relationship, the onus is on them when it comes to the trust and maintaining that relationship with their partner.

Speaking for myself, I could never cheat on my partner with another behind their back. At the same time, I had the opportunity to have sex with someone I really really liked for years. In the same bed, hands on each other, but I had to stop it. I was single, she was not, and she was also dating my cousin, so ya know, I didn't want to do that to him. If it was anybody else she was dating I would have jumped at the chance.

And I also had a girl I worked with come onto me, hard, and over months. She made things real obvious. She was also hot and we got along really well. In any other situation, I would have certainly accepted. BUT.... I also just started seeing another girl, the relationship was fresh at this point, and she didn't do anything to deserve me cheating on her, let alone breaking up right then and there just to have sex with someone else. It also didn't help this co-worker was also engaged. My personal principles wouldn't allow it. She eventually ended the engagement, but I was still in a relationship. If I knew then what I know now, I would have saved myself three years with my gf at the time, dumped her and then my co-worker and I would have had some fun.

It also didn't help that I never considered myself attractive and she was way out of my league. My school years, I was not all that popular and never had a gf. It wasn't until years later at a party, some of the girls I went to school with were piss loaded drunk and told me to my face that they always thought I was hot..... And of course with my crappy social skills because of not being popular, I didn't even clue in that they were wanting to have sex right then and there. I just gave them a piluzzled look and said thanks.

Oh well. Live and learn.

But over 5000 men? Meh. No biggie. Could be 1 guy 5000 times. Not much of a difference other than a difference in relationship status.

 

Oh forgot to add above, while I would never cheat on a partner, there's nothing saying I wouldn't be accepting of an equal, open relationship. It's the going behind the back and trust that I have issue with. If both are agreed on what's happening, then I don't see that as cheating.

But that's not a discussion we've had yet. Might never have it. I have never seen any hints towards her interest in that, and I'm more or less on the fence. Fantasy stuff is one thing, reality is another.

 

In our marriage it is not cheating unless their is a romantic connection. Sex is sex and a story shared adds to our excitement for each other.

 

Its only cheating if you hide it from your spouse, if you are both ok with extramarital activities are going on then all is good.

 

After I got divorced, my solution to the "cheating" dilemma was not to get married again. I do not want to have my balls chained to a post.

I stay careful and considerate in all of my sexual encounters. That has worked out well for the past 25 years.

 

I really want to have sex with you. You are very casual and open-minded. You have rich experience in sex. I want to experience your different sex techniques and want to lick your labia.