is he trying to hit on me or is he just being nice?

I'm an expat in Japan, and I live in a biggish city. I met an American guy in a bookstore about a month ago (end of November or so?). I was just looking at books when I noticed that there was another foreigner there, and I was like 'oh cool'. After a time, he came over to me and we started talking. In the end, he asked for my email address, so we exchanged email addresses.

BUT! I'm not interested in this guy at all. I'm in a 4 year long relationship, very much in love with my boyfriend, so I have no intention of dating this guy. I told him all this too, to be clear. I really didn't mean to flirt, I'm just happy to meet new people and make friends because it gets really lonely sometimes when you're an expat.

Anyway, he messaged me the same day, saying he hoped we could hang out sometime. I wrote back a few times to his messages, but duh it was soo boring, all he would reply is 'that sounds fun' and stuff like that. I can't really call that a conversation... I got the feeling that he IS flirting after all... so I ignored his messages, and I thought he forgot it all, too.

But, I still get messages from him now and then all of a sudden, and he also messaged me to wish merry christmas, and today, to wish me a happy new year.

I think he's just trying to get some, but I'm not sure, because all the foreigners here are really nice to each other (we are away from our home country and stuff) I mean, back home, I wouldn't even give my email address to some random guy.

 

If you find him boring anyway just tell him politely you're not interested in any kind of connection. Or do you still wanna find out if he might be less boring than he sounds? We know even less about him than you of course so no one can tell with certainty what he wants.

 

He's flirting using a very assertive method, and it is similar to a salespitch.

I see a culture clash that explains both the OP's response in how she handled herself and how he did.

Americans are individualistic culture and are persistent and they are taught that at first you don't succeed try try again, although vary up the methods. That's what this guy is doing and he got his foot in the door by establishing some kind of contact with you.

But yeah he's flirting with you.

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Did you tell him flat out that you're a taken woman? If he doesn't back off he must still be learning and I suspect he's following one of those "seduction" courses to teach men how to talk to women.

I'd change my email address and cease contact with him.

 

Which is why this thread exists

 

Seems to me, he is just being nice - though if in doubt either:-
(i) Tell him - in No uncertain terms
(ii) Ignore all messages and be aloof in any meetings

 

Sounds like he was interested at first but now he's just being polite / nice. You said yourself, conversation became boring. I usually only reply with one liners when I'm bored out of my mind so it sounds like he's just not interested yet still being friendly /polite.

Its nice to have an American friend in a foreign city, its like a satellite from home. So maybe thats what he considers you.

 

Well, it's hard to conclude on one thing based solely on what you've told us so far. Maybe he's interested in dating you. Maybe he's just being friendly. One thing I can say is that I've initiated conversations much the same way he did and not meant anything other than trying to develop a friendship, at least in the beginning. I believe one has every right to be open to possibilities, but for something romantic to take place, one must know about the other person's relationship status.....ideally speaking.

Now, in your case you've already let him know of where you stand, so maybe he's just being friendly and wants to get to know you better as a friend at this point. It's hard to say when you two aren't communicating much to begin with. One thing, though; if he's boring to talk to in general, then maybe he won't be your close friend as a good level of communication is a must for something like that.

Another thing, and this I actually make a point of doing unless given an indication to do otherwise, is that I try to keep talking to the girls who have turned me down as a way of showing them that I am interested in getting to know them as people and not just as potential romantic partners. I've gained good friends this way. So, there's a possibility that this guy is doing something like that here. Again, it's hard to say.

If you don't really like talking to him, then there isn't much anyone can do about it. But it's important to refrain from making assumptions about someone when you don't know much about them yet. That's all I can say, really.

All the best.