Is a Wedding Painful for a Man?

Does anyone else despise the idea of a wedding? I don't really see it as a day to yourself! You've to invite a bunch of people (many whom you don't like) to a church, and then stand around for ages. Then you've to do the speech, which involves making a bunch of jokes, in front of people you dislike. Although you know the jokes may be good, it's impossible to know whether they'll go down well or not based on the timing and mood in the room. You've got to put on that fake smile when you make them, as if to imply you still think they're funny after being in your head for several weeks.

Then you've got to go out and get about a hundred stupid photos taken while standing around for ages... being told move here, move there. And you've also got to do some marriage course these days! I think that if I ever got married (and if the bride was okay with it) that I'd be inclined to give the middle finger to my family and just elope for it. I wouldn't feel that I'd owe them it. However - and ironically so - I would have to question what would it say about the bride if she was cool with that.

 

True story;
I was to pipe a wedding, and as usual arrived early to get the lay of the land.
A young man approached me, and asked on which side of the room should friends of the groom sit.
"The right", I replied.
"Why do you suppose that is?"
"Think about it; you're friend's getting married today. This is his last opportunity to be right."

 

It took my brother, as my best man, twenty years to tell me he puked in the trash can in the back of the church he was so hung over....he looked pretty pale in the pictures.

So, Invite who you want to invite, people that care about you and you care about them. Forget all that bullshit. Small ceremony. Don't elope, your mom will never get over it. For a wedding, EVERYONE has their hand out and EVERYTHING is crazy expensive. Spend some money on the honeymoon, as you might not get the chance to do it again.

And no, "THAT" is not the reason she is smiling walking up the aisle....they'll still want to do it....for a while....maybe...

 

That kind of traditional wedding you're talking about is fairly specific and while many people do them, I'm not sure how many actually want to. If you get married, you should discuss with the other party how you want to do it and there should be compromises and comfort for everyone. I'm not a man, but most of that sounds painful to me.

 

Most women look at the wedding as one of the key events in the fulfillment of their dreams. Since they are little girls they discuss the steps to a happy life. For men it is the very least to celebrate wedding anniversaries with enthusiasm and show her that you care.

 

...........and tolerate your mother in law.....

 

I think it's mostly women who are enthusiastic about weddings. If your so is really crazy about having a wedding, consider suffering through it. If not, maybe there's some kind of compromise that can be found.

 

Correct. So suck it up and perform for the families, the guests and most of all your spouse. Be sober so you look good in pictures. Be gracious. Remember, you are not just marrying the Wife, but marrying the whole family, for better or worse, in sickness or in health, a lifetime commitment affirmed before the famlies. Enjoy your day, for her.
Shmooze w the guests it is possible that it will be the last time that you will see someone. Give thanks!

 

Just remember the wedding will not be near as painful, as the DIVORCE.

 

That's the truth....hopefully, you'll get some normal in-laws. Mine were 50% morons, 50% alcoholics. I got the star of the bunch. We joke about the milkman....

 

The wedding isn't painful. it's just a nuisance that we put up with. Blinded by the thought of having pussy every night and twice on Sundays men dive head long into marrying the most promiscuous woman they've ever met. We put up with stupid in-laws who hate our every movement. Crappy dinners that are cold served with watered down drinks because the father of the bride is a cheap ass pussy whipped SOB. A bland cake which you are expected to cut and feed to what you think will be your never ending cum deposit box. Then the icing is mashed all over your face as you have to pretend you're loving all this hoopla. Finally, you get to take your new sex toy and leave the party. But you are so worn out by all the shit you had to put up with from the moment you proposed to now that when you get to the "Honeymoon Suite" all you can do is fart and fall asleep.

 

Medora W. Barnes writes about the Functions of Wedding Rituals:

Anthropologists have defined rituals as formal actions that are repetitive, structured, and filled with symbolism (Turner 1969). All rituals – and family rituals in particular – have a recognizable structure to them, which is played out each time they are performed, although each family might personalize them in some way (Pleck 2000). Like other rituals, a family ritual fails when it is “empty” or when the people participating in it do not feel anything. Functionalist theory suggests that rituals, like other practices, exist in society because they fulfill specific functions (for at least some people in society), and when they cease to fulfill these functions, they will end, unless they begin to fulfill other new or unrecognized functions (Goffman 1967; Merton 1968).

Traditionally, wedding rituals have served three functions. These include:

(1) serving as a transitional rite for an individual moving from one life stage to another (adolescent to adult, single to married),

(2) providing reassurance that one is making the correct choice of partner and has approval of family and friends, and

(3) uniting two families and fostering emotional bonds between family members.

Although in past generations all three of these functions were believed to be important, to some extent they all have been dismissed as less important for modern brides than they were for earlier generations. The increased power of the wedding industry to encourage specific trends and personalization, as well as the increased autonomy of the wedding couple, has been seen as evidence that traditional weddings are no longer about uniting family groups and instead simply about individual achievement. As Rebecca Mead explains, weddings are now “an individualistic adventure rather than a community sacrament” (2007:11).

It makes sense that a wedding would be less important as an individual life course ritual (function one) now that men and women are waiting much longer to get married. Whereas in the 1950s, marriage was the boundary between adolescence and adulthood, that is no longer usually the case today. In contemporary times, both men and women move out of their parents’ home, economically support themselves, cohabit with a partner, and sometimes have children all without marrying. This does appear to decrease the importance of a wedding as a ritual that indicates the onset of adulthood, although it does still define the onset of married life. […]

In these women’s statements, one can see the value they are placing on their weddings as important times to reconnect and reinforce social ties with extended family members. Many of the women argued that weddings were the only time set aside in contemporary American society for this to be done. This supports previous research that found that due to a lack of other family rituals, weddings frequently are seen as the major life ritual for many people (Young and Willmott 1957; Pleck 2000).​

Marriage is the union of two people and two families for mutual benefit. Love has never been at the centre of marriage, as love tends to be fleeting.

In traditional societies, the son's family was often only able to raise money once for a wedding ceremony that was tasked to stabilise the marriage, because those present could expect the marriage to last until death and thus put pressure on the new couple to fulfil this expectation. The more elaborate the wedding ceremony, the higher the status of the family and the greater the satisfaction of the guests.

If you can't find a good reason for a traditional wedding ceremony, don't bother. Why not rather spend money on legal advice to ensure that this marriage is not unnecessarily expensive?

But if you don't want to miss out on a wedding ceremony, you should feel obliged to provide your guests with the best food you can afford, even if you are content with reheated tinned dog food. The same goes for funerals, which are not a big draw anyway. Perhaps divorce ceremonies should also be introduced, saying: “It's finally over!” But only for the small circle of family and friends who suffered from the marriage war.