So apologies in advance for this being a little bit long but here's a bit of a back story. I am 29 years old. I had my first girlfriend when I was 17. It was a very intense relationship (as most first relationships are especially because we were both girls.) I told no one about this and neither did she. When I left for college I met a guy who I fell in love with. I broke her heart when she found out that I had fallen for him. We dated the entire four years of college. After graduation, we had an on again, off again relationship for the next three years until finally realizing we didn't work and letting go. While we were broken up I dated guys. I never touched another girl in that 7 years. Fast forward to when I'm 26. I'm dating around casually, and start a friendship with a co-worker. Her and I immediately hit it off (as friends) and started spending a ton of time together. To be perfectly honest I didn't have any romantic feelings for her, but that new excitement of meeting someone who I got along with and had so much fun with was great. We had sleep overs often because we'd go out drinking and she lived about 30 minutes ago and couldn't drive. There was no awkwardness when we were in bed together, no touching, no thoughts of sexual tension. Then one night we go out and she gets very drunk. She tells me how beautiful she thinks I am and that she basically wants to rip my clothes off. I was stunned. I didn't see this coming at all. I also knew her drunk state and the sticky situation of us working together (specifically because I was technically her boss.) Still, we went home that night and had sex. When I woke up we instantly held hands and started just what we had done the night before. It was the most natural, unspoken thing. From that day forward we were together. We fell in love with each other and eventually moved in together. Still under the guise of being best friends which never raised any eyebrows as we're both very feminine. We also decided (as she was younger than me) that I wanted her to feel free and open. We allowed each other to date guys, but in the end our bond was amazing and we slept together every night. After living together for a while, things started to go wrong. Without going on and on basically our relationship became more like sisters than anything sexual or romantic. This led both of us to find that in other people, and then communicate about it. Sadly, at the end of our 2nd year lease we decided that we couldn't live and work together anymore. Usually we were always hanging out with the same people. Now, we were living totally different lives. Moving out made sense. I found out right after we separated our living situation she had lied about her relationship with a guy. She had been telling him that she loved him. Almost everything she told me about the relationship was a lie. At this point, it made me angry but we were so detached emotionally that it didn't devastate me in any way. After ending things with her, I decided to go on Okcupid, just to go on some casual dates around the city. I went out with a few guys, but for the first time I was actively seeking females. I went out with one girl that became a 3 month relationship. It was a classic rebound. I tried to make something work with someone who lacked most of the qualities I wanted. After this, I started seeing this beautiful girl, but her and I never really "clicked" so that sort of faded. I also one on one single date with a girl who was very aggressive and kind of strange in bed (hehe) and never spoke to her afterwards. I guess you could say at 29 I was meeting, dating, and was open to relationships with women. Prior to this, I just sort of fell into them. Now in the last month, I met a woman who is absolutely amazing. She is very physically different from what I normally go for. All of the women I have dated are bi-sexual. She is a lesbian. She has the whole short hair cut and not very feminine vibe. Although, her face is absolutely beautiful and is very feminine in words, actions, and in bed. I have never connected to someone the way we connected. Sexually it is like NO other relationship I have ever had. We just cannot keep our hands off of each other. There are major sparks. We finish and just start up again. Last night, we were up until 5 am just playing with each other. I am totally falling for her. There is one problem with this relationship. I knew early on that we were both going to have strong feelings for each other. She made it very clear how she felt and did adorable sweet gestures. We would text and talk the entire day. It just felt like I knew her forever. Then one night I am out and we're texting and she brings up the conversation of being my girlfriend. I told her that of course, I would be her girlfriend. She then said can you come over? I walk into her apartment and she sits me down and proceeds to tell me she's been married. In fact, she's still currently married but her ex lives in california. They have been separated over a year. She cannot get divorced easily due to federal laws. She download how they got married, until I googled her and saw an actual big scale wedding on a blog. I was very upset that she lied and told her how I feel. Since then she has told me everything about their relationship. Still, I feel angry that she wasn't up front with me. I also have to admit that I am not out and about, and don't really identify with the gay community. The fact that she could do such a public declaration is very different from myself. It also, without being rude, kind of creeps me out. I really feel whole around her and so incredibly happy. However, this is always in the back of my mind. Thoughts?
