The Ethical Bisexual http://www.bitheway.co.uk/ There’s a prevalent view that bisexuals are nothing but liars and cheats, incapable of being in a faithful and committed relationship and that we are destined to sleep around and hurt anyone who gets close to us. My frustration at this stereotype is well known, and I’ve already explained at length that there are many bisexuals like myself who, once in a relationship are exclusively monogamous. However, there are many bisexuals who are polyamorous, and whilst I’ll accept that this exacerbates the stereotype, does that make them liars and cheats? Is it possible to be polyamorous and still be an ethical bisexual? Well yes, I think it is. Lets be clear, there is nothing wrong with being polyamorous and having multiple, concurrent sexual partners provided certain conditions are met. Monogamy is after all, a trait not easily or naturally acquired by most men. Yet in our self-invented “rules of society”, monogamy is expected and being polyamorous is frowned upon. So what are the conditions for ethical polyamorous relations? Quite simply they are honesty and acquiescence. Provided a person is honest about their desire to have multiple concurrent sexual partners and those partners agree to let the person pursue those desires, then polygamous relationships can work and be very fulfilling. In fact a lot of people in poly-relationships have reported a greater feeling of trust and kinship for having been open and honest with one another about their desires. Still, this tends to work best when both partners agree to explore their polyamorous side together. And things tend to fall apart when one partner agrees to allow the other to be polyamorous without first really considering how they would feel about someone else sleeping with ther person they love. In short, the honesty that’s requires to survive a successful, long-term polyamorous relationship is two-way. The poly-partner must be open and honest about their desires, and the other partner must be honest about their ability to deal with having a poly-partner. There is no sense in pretending you are OK with your partner seeing other people if you are not genuinely cool with it. The relationship will just end in recrimination and resentment. Fundamentally the ethical bisexual is open and honest, which in itself should make him or her instinguishable from any good boyfriend or girlfriend.
Honesty is essential. If a couple chooses to explore polyamory they going to learn lots about themselves and their primary partner; some of which they might not like, or might not have expected. It's a challenge but one in which you can learn a great deal about human nature and human psyche.
Interesting post - I suppose that I should now class myself as a polyamorous bisexual. My wife and I had a year of an open relationship and she has now decided to close her side. I enjoy random encouters (and re-visits!) and with the stronger libido do not wish at this point to return to monogamy. So your post in interesting - we are very open with each other but i know that my wife is having some difficulties in adjusting but since we are living apart at the moment (Geographically) I would not be content with celibacy. And having discovered the delights of polyamory - life is short and perhaps we are all hedonists at heart; so it is a work in progress. You write the truth - it is very important to be completely open and honest with each other. Simon :sunny:
i agreed with that when i first started out having sex and in the first half of my 20s. however, surprisingly, even to myself, in my 2nd half of 20s my position on this has changed. when i was 19-25 i didn't want anything to do with any kind of long-term relationship. i didn't see myself in it at all. but now, at 28, i want to find one stable partner. now i want to build a relationship with a guy (provided we're compatible) and i can see myself being faithful to him. there has been no outside pressure or my own partners trying to change me to get me to see this. it just sort of occurred gradually. i still have nothing against polygamy, it works for some people. but contrary to what some say, monogamy isn't unnatural either. just like polygamy, for some people it works.
My husband has difficulty accepting that I am poly. But we have been together for 10 years and our bond is very strong. I also was curious about polyamory and bisexuality in the HF community. I met some bi/poly/kinky forumers years ago and we are birds of a feather.
