I like to think I'm stable because I don't go nuts.. but I just don't act nuts.. but I think I am. I don't know what's up with me.. I never seem to know. I can't express my feelings cause I don't understand them.. not knowing how I feel is I think worse than feeling like shit.. yet.. I think I feel like shit because of all that. I don't know, I just feel stuck in this completely weird place these days, and like I can't express/explain it, not even to myself.. I don't know what happened.. but.. sometimes I feel like, maybe I just have conditionned myself not to let my emotions control me so much that if an emotion is trying to peek through I automatically suppress it and maybe that's unhealthy. I just feel lonely and sorta stuck and gradually going through another self-hate period. I hate being all serious and talking about myself like that - how egocentric. But I need to talk, constantly, and people aren't there to listen. You gotta really wanna listen to my bullshit though, because I really don't make sense. I don't know.
I wish a had a friend to talk to, someone who really cared, and a drink. Right now, I have none of that. And I hate how selfish I sound, and the fact that I'm talking about this on these stupid forums. I just hate myself as a person right now. I sorta wish I was "right" - like.. good.
You should turn up some music and dance. You've got some bad vibes runnin' through you girl just shake it off. The answers will come. Waiting is a virtue (I KNOW ITS FUCKING ANNOYING!) But when you are supposed to wait you wait. Unless there's something you want to change. Then you need to focus your energy elsewhere.
There's nothing I want to change about myself but I feel like there's everything I should change. I just feel (I think) like I'm not worth shit.
god, i can SO relate to that. its ridiculous. whenever i seem down, people are always asking me whats wrong, etc. and i just dont know what to say. its so akward. then sometimes they will get mad because i can't express myself... then i get even MORE frustrated with myself, like wtf why can't i just be normal and talk about shit?? but noooo...i have to keep it all inside and deal with it myself... maybe its because im the only person who can truly understand me.. its so nice to have someone there to listen though. it can just be frustrating. laety i hope you feel better soon. these things always pass. you're a really strong girl.. maybe too strong? its ok to let your emotions out... i hate doing it so much sometimes, but afterward i usually realize that it was for the best to get it out. i wish i could take you out for drinks right now
I just don't wanna be judged for letting my emotions out. I think I was seriously traumatized, I don't know. There's a block.
It seems, Penny, you're trying to attribute judgement-values to your emotional needs. What do you do when you feel like shit? Do you seek distractions?
same here. i'd rather keep people guessing most of the time than let on how i really feel. i mean, its nice to have something that is just for you...not shared with others. you've probably tried this, but maybe you could try expressing how you feel in a more private way, like painting or writing in a journal... going for a long walk and just taking in life...etc. sounds lame, but sometimes those things help. sucks to have that mental block though, i feel ya..
.. and I don't really care what people think, but it's like subconsciously I do.. I don't know how to explain. I never know how to explain anything. And I don't know, I feel like a total.. I don't know, I feel like a tool. I feel lonely.
i think most people subconsciously care what others think...just as most people subconsciously judge others... i hate feeling lonely. *hugs* is there a friend you could call to just come hang out, maybe listen to some music and chill out together? just to take your mind off stuff?
We all care what people think. We are social animals. Are the feelings too painful to face? To inquire into?
thank you Sarah.. I guess maybe I'll write. I just don't really know what to write about though, I don't understand what's going on inside.
yah just put down whatever is coming out, like free association, it can be a cool exercise. dont worry abotu what you are writing or if it makes sense, or sounds dumb, just get it out. you'd be surprised what may come out
i love reading. i wish i got to do it more. stupid fucking school really gets me down lately... today i had class from 11am-9pm...im skipping all of them because i just cant deal w/it right now. haha shit i feel lame, oh well. i need a vacation laety you can come if you want
