Discussion in 'Poetry' started by sylvanlightning, Jan 21, 2005.

  1. sylvanlightning

    sylvanlightning Prismatic Essence

    You fill me with trembling.

    The silver-threaded spindle,
    of your words, evokes me.

    Loops of emotion,
    from the lattice of thought,
    are nimbly expressed by your fingers.

    Skein of dreams,
    coiled like a flight of angels,
    relays our heartbeats
    in gently cupped hands.

    Still your presence
    quakes its birth,
    deep within me,
    as I almost remember
    the secrets resplendent.

    I breathe the memories
    once whispered by your lips.
    These shy feelings
    slip like gems
    into the pockets
    of soft-lined darkness.
  2. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

    Wow... that's near perfection, sylvan! Gentle, effortless, evocotive...
    your imagery has that meditative quality I’ve always loved in your work. Thanks for posting this, it made my day getting to read another of your offerings! :)

    Again, wow! love it! I keep reading that last line as "in hands, in mid-flight" though... regardless, this was my favorite of these beautiful stanzas
  3. sylvanlightning

    sylvanlightning Prismatic Essence

    Thank you fulmah, your comments are so full and your insights ring with crystal clarity.

    Yes, I see what you mean. I wrote this quickly last night.
    That line is static like a snap-shot. I hope the revision restores the flow.

    Perhaps the snow is already falling.
    I shall go see.
  4. Burbot

    Burbot Dig my burdei

    jeebus, my writing is like crap compared to you guys...shit this is wow
  5. sylvanlightning

    sylvanlightning Prismatic Essence

    We are all unique, beyond compare, and I thank you for the essence of your
    response. The choice to reflect your thoughts and feelings is what matters.
    Conscious manifestation is not as easy as one may imagine. How does one relay Self in finite words.
  6. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

    ~* beautifully woven. Thank you for the smile and warmth it made me feel.I think the same verse is probably my favorite as well but the whole thing weaves a beautiful moment*~
  7. hi there

    this is wonderful
    so deep in the essence of and love.
    for all you encounter....

    love npeace from saff
  8. Rafaela

    Rafaela Member

    that's beautiful
  9. Hippievixen

    Hippievixen Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

    'These shy feelings
    slip like gems
    into the pockets
    of soft-lined darkness'

    Whoa Sylvan, I am melting :)

    I can see them slipping and falling.
  10. sylvanlightning

    sylvanlightning Prismatic Essence

    Thank you All for your comments.
    I'm still smiling, in the warmth of your kindness.
  11. BlackBillBlake

    BlackBillBlake resigned HipForums Supporter

    Bravo SL!

    A great piece. Tight, succinct images packed with significance. Not a word I'd change.

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