insecure around a cute guy

hihi,

so at work i sit next to this really cute guy, we chat most of the day and get on well but even tho weve been sitting together for afew months i still get nervous when hes around me. i think its cause i fancy him so much even tho hes str8 and has a gf. hes the nicest guy to me and goes out of hes way to help me with stuff and i have such a huge crush on him but i just cant be natural around him. I get all hot and cant concentrate and cant even talk to other people around him cause im always thinking il say something stupid and hel hear it and think im a retard lol. so how do i change, i cant be stressing about this all day every day at work, the second he walks away i feel all calm and relaxed and soon as he comes back im nervous. Well why shud i care what he thinks as hes str8...buut theres always that possibility that hes bi...what do i do to stop worrying about what he thinks of me and just be myyssellffff?!?

 

Yup. There is a chance that he is a bi or even gay dude. Who knows? Even if he is as gay as Christmas, this still does not go on to say that he has any interest in you, whatsoever.

Do yourself a huge favor and stop hoping that he is gay, bi or whatever. That's rather pointless. Focus on being a good friend, someone who is likeable, and is thus, liked by your hottie. If he has any romantic or other ehm, similar interest, he'll let you know. See, if he is interested in spending any of his time off with you. See, if he wants to hang out, like just the two of you... These are reliable pointers, to some extent.

Develop and use your willpower to remain as concentrated and as nice as you always are, even when he is around. This might take some effort but it can be done.

Besides, what's the best way of making a good impression on a hot dude, than being, cool, smart and relaxed?

KD

 

Thanks KD for the advice. Ok i spose the next move is to see if he would want to spend some time with me, just us 2, although this is an akward thing to ask lol, well il find a way to see if he wants to do summen with me....or will i .. my nerves will probably get the better of me haha, im such a retard.

 

If more of the aim of your OP was asking how to less uncomfortable around someone you find extremely attractive/have a crush on, then I can first say that I know how you feel. While the dude I had a crush on is bisexual, so its a slightly different situation, I still think I can relate my sitaution to yours. I was quite intimidated by his looks (and also his personality too) and I quite simply had a crazy crush, I think I have a post or two on this forum where I was ranting about it...

The core of the problem is in your attitude towards the dude. Like anyone, I placed the kid I had a crush on on a pedestal, made him a god, and while not consciously thinking it, I determined he was somehow better than me. I'm not going to say that I still don't have the problem ever, but what I tried doing was just stopping myself whenever I tightened up around him and thinking- "he's just a person! he's not perfect" which both sound like such obvious statements, but usually in times like these we forget the most simple things. Just consciously think about the way you interact with him and avoid turning him into a god, who you have to be perfect around- wouldn't someone that's really worth your time just want you to BE, not try to be perfect, or trying to do or say the right things 24/7??? Wouldn't someone who respects you and cares about you not expect you to be perfect, wouldnt they realize that you're a human who like everyone obviously has flaws, but despite them look past them and appreciate you? Isn't that what makes a relationship, of any sort? Realizing and knowing that someone else isn't perfect, but loving them for it and not even specifcally just for that, its also just knowing someone's faults but being able to see past them, being able to see the beauty in someone.

So just be. Which is much easier said than done. But thats the best I can say! As far as whether he's bi or not, thats just a whole other story...

 

update*** il make a long story short lol..basically after one of our chats today he said, i know u gay just admit it...its probs cause i was always hinting about liking guys and stuff anyways i smiled at him and nodded and he said dude its fine im no homophobe...then was asking me all these questions like when i found out i was gay and who all knows and stuff... il tell you 1 thing..it feels AWSUM that he knows and hes kool with it..i think the whole thing that was bugging me was the fact that he had no idea that i liked guys, but now that he knows its kinda like the balls in hes court and he can do what he wants now..MAN WHAT A RELEIF...i dont mind if we just stay good friends now cause thats all i need anyways, a good friend who knows im gay and totally accepts me...and if he at some stage wants to experiment or anything with me that would be a BONUS! anyways i feel so much better now yay =) <3

 

Hooray! Awesome Good luck man, hope something comes of it

 

lol fanks Andy ^^

 

Act confident. Overconfident.
PRetend to be the person you want to be and eventually it'll become second nature.
Not self deceit, it's known in occult groups as paradigm shifting.
Once you've made youreself confident you'll never worry about what he thinks of you again.