I’m in the same boat as a lot of you concerning telling the wife about my other side. Not sure of the reaction I’ll get. She is in her early 50s and very vanilla sexually, almost to the point of being boring. I guess I’m needing suggestions on how to broach the subject while still having room to backpedal if the conversation goes to shit. I do know for a fact that she has no interest in other women but I’m absolutely clueless as to whether she’d be interested in another guy being added to the mix. I’m asking for opinions because I’m not great with words without being blunt and I don’t think that approach will pay off in this case.
I used to joke with my wife and kiddingly tell her to do me like she does her girlfriend and she would tell me to do her like I did my boyfriend and I would dive between her legs and suck and stroke her clit like a Miny cock. Never got her to lick me like a pussy but it was a way to try and break the ice so to speak.Good luck.
I'm not so sure there is any perfect way to tell your partner that you enjoy having or wish to experiment having sex with someone of the same gender. I think once you cross a certain point in the conversation there really is no way to turn back. For me, telling my first wife of 25 years was not ever going to happen which is why I kept my oral sex acts with other men secret from her. Now, with my present wife the subject just seemed to come up and out during sex. As I remember, it went kind of like this. We'd been dating about two months. To this point she'd given me one great blow job and she swallowed my load which I enjoyed immensely. Now she said she wanted to have penetrating sex which I had been so wanting to experience with her. Anyway, she said she wanted to swallow my first load and take my second (if I'm able to) inside her vagina. Cool by me, let us see if I can cum a second time. While she was sucking my cock, I was giving her instructions. Things I wanted her to do that I enjoy enhancing the situation. She did everything I asked of her, and I provided her with a really nice load of cum to swallow. As we laid naked (my recovery time) in each other's arms on the bed our conversation went like this. Her: How do you know so much about sucking a dick? Me: What? I was simply instructing you to do the things I enjoy. Her: No, it sounds to me you may have sucked one before. Me: Well, I can't lie to you I have sucked many guys off. Her: Really? That's interesting. I've heard that many married men do this behind their wives backs once in their 40's. Me: You are correct, I was doing so in my first marriage when our sex life all but died. Her: I'd love to witness two guys sucking each other's dicks, do you still do so? Me: Yes, I've had a "suck-bud" for many years now. Her: Oh, that's hot, when was the last time you were with him? Me: Two days ago, he and I sucked each other off. Her: Does he have a big dick like you? Me: I chuckled and told her that his is bigger than mine. Her: How big? I measured yours tonight at 8". She did and I enjoyed it. Me: His is 9 1/2" Her: WOW, that is big. Any chance you two guys would let me watch you suck each other? Me: I'll ask him and let you know. I was fully recovered after this conversation (she was caressing and fondling my balls the entire time) and we went on to have some very animalistic sex in several positions before I deposited a second load of cum deep inside her vagina.
My first advice to you is that you need to be prepared for the absolute worst-case scenario you can think of... if you can imagine that happening when you tell her, and you can live with that, then you are ready to spill the news. As LowHangers said, I don't think there is any perfect way to tell your partner you are interested in having sex with someone other than her, especially with a same-sex partner. You know your wife best, and you know how she most likely feels about any of this. Most men do. We delude ourselves into thinking she will not think it's so bad because we have deluded ourselves as well. We justify it. We decide it's OK because we enjoy it and it is a part of us that we have discovered (or maybe known all along). But it is not a part of the wife's awareness of who we are, so her reaction is something that can't be predicted or prepared for. Coming clean with your wife is something intensely personal and with it comes a variety of reasons that a man would decide he needs to come clean. A lot comes with it. That is why a lot of men choose to keep it a secret. I don't advocate for keeping it a secret. I advocate for doing what is the best thing for you, first... and then, for your marriage, next... and your family and your other relationships after that. I'd be happy to talk with you (or private message with you) if you want - or continue the conversation here, so we can help you more... There's more to it than you shared in the post above, so that's all for now so I don't cloud the waters with unnecessary verbage... but, best wishes and good luck to you, sir.
With my first wife, I had somehow mentioned in passing that I had pulled off with a friend some time back. Only one instance but she sure used that against me when we separated. I had spoken about how close to total nymphomania my sister was, (true), and she also accused me of wanting to fuck her. I sure wish I hadn't told her anything. We get on OK now, many years into my 2nd marriage but I think she still thinks I'm gay. I never was but I have liked cocks for so long now. My present wife is struggling health-wise and she is quite OK with the time I spent sucking with a bi male and later a gay guy. She is OK if I do it now in fact. I wish I could have a suck buddy over at our house. Finding somewhere safe to go at it is a problem.
If she's very vanilla I doubt she'd respond positively to you telling her. Someone once told me that when anyone has sex or is being sexual with someone else, they are taking all they want. If you wonder why she's not kissing your body, it's because she has no desire to. If you wonder why she won't give you oral pleasure, it's because she doesn't want to. As vanilla as your wife is, do you seriously think she'd approve of you wanting to have sex with men on the side? I don't think so. I know if I ever told my wife about my bi tendencies I know she'd respond negatively. I also have enjoyed wearing women's lingerie too. One time we were fooling around, and I reached for her bra which was on the bed, and I started putting it on. I thought she'd say "oooh that's sexy" or something. Instead, she quickly covered her eyes and said "Oh my God that's so unattractive, don't ever do that again." So now I have to cross dress in private when no one is around. And why would I ever think now that she'd be OK with me having sex with men?
My present wife is OK with bi play because I think it takes the pressure off her to even try, she's so disinterested. She even suggested I go get a massage with a happy ending, where this little asian lady pulls you off at the end, every few weeks, because she doesn't even do that.
I was fortunate that when I met the woman who woke become my wife she knew I was bi and I knew she was. We ran in the same circle of friends. While I don't think it's right to cheat, the alternative is to go unfulfilled, that's not good either. Maybe mentioning a curiosity on the subject, but this is beyond a slippery slope, its a mine field.
That’s a lot of good answers. Thanks to everyone. I think I’m just gonna poke around the edges a little more and see what reaction I get. I don’t see my interests changing so I’ll just have to figure it out. Thanks again.
We started with mmf, it was initially about him fucking her while I watched but she could see and feel my reactions to him and also my reactions to his semen inside her. How much I wanted to see and taste it. From there guiding him into her with my hand progressed to stroking him and then guiding him in. It meant when I eventually sucked him in front of her it wasn't a shock indeed it was a massive thrill. That's work for us.
Perhaps as a starter just get her with another guy, even if you don't watch and then she can see your reaction and realise you can push things a bit and break some taboos. Ie how hot it is to have a guy licking you after another has cum in you.
I tried give all the clues to my wife, strap on,eating creampies, talk of mmf fantasy, told her I’d been with guys in the past but she didn’t get it or didn’t want to, finally one morning she humped me from behind and my blissful reaction made her ask “are you gay” honestly i didn’t know how to answer so I said no, then asked if was bi and I said yes. She is ok with it, it makes her question my masculinity which is such stereotypical bullshit. However I do feel better about coming out
