Inexperienced woman a big turn off for men?

This is a very legit question...

I'm 33, straight female, and have never been in a relationship since my teens.
I'm overweight and have always seen myself as a well put-together woman.
Good job, no attachments, clean and sober, feminine, take care of myself, have drama-free family, etc.

I somewhat like porn, loove steamy books, and masturbating.

One problem that I see is that I can never tell when a man is flirting and those strangers who do so openly (whistling & yelling) repulse me. And of course that I've never had sex.

I hear so much about men not even considering a woman who've never been in a relationship. I mean, I KNOW a woman my age not having had sex it's not "normal" but I'm certainly the only one.

Because I've never had sex it doesn't mean I'm waiting for marriage, for f$@k sake! Or that I will be clinging to you.

So what's your take on this? I could always lie and try to "wing it" but knowing myself I would be very honest the second a guy brought it up.

 

Having had sex doesn’t validate you as a person, nor does it somehow confirm that you have worth or that you’ve been devalued by the experience. It won’t magically give you confidence that you didn’t have before, it won’t change how you think or make you empirically more or less attractive. Anything you gain from sex was, ultimately, within you from the start.

 

Not so much that you are inexperienced, probably more a case of if you've waited this long, never really tried too hard, you were never all that interested anyway



Saying stuff like this:

Suggests all guys think you are just after exactly that, They wouldnt think that way if you were the type that goes cross eyed for 4 consecutive days every month and HAS to have a man climb on top, and you wouldnt have trouble getting it

The guys think the way they do about you, because thats what you are, safe boring girl next type, who just wants a husband and isnt interested in sex

 

Love Your Style VG......



Cheers Glen.

 

The bluntness is fantastic.
I can definitely see what you're saying: boring, safe, etc.
I tried too hard, too long to live by other people's standards and, obviously, missed some life-experiences.
What's done it's done I only I can change what's to come but I don't regret the decisions I've made that have gotten me to where I am in life.
I do disagree on the being desperate for marriage and uninterested in sex but I don't need to convince you :/
Thanks

 

I'm not a man and I don't really know.

But my guess is that if she's young and virgin, that's kind of cute and she has her youth to make up for all sins of inexperience. She's like a prize, young flesh, tight body, the weightlessness of being "new." Older guys would be interested on the youth + being the first thing. Guys her age would like the flirt, love, sharing the sex with one as inexperienced as themselves, as well as having something to tell friends.

But if you're a virgin who is 30, you've passed the age of the cute factor.

As we age, we're perceived differently about sex and about everything. It's normal. We don't realize we're "too" old, we don't realize we're "mature."

You said something about being sincere about it. If you hook up with a man just for sex, there's no reason to tell him everything about you. He won't be telling you everything about himself. If you go into opening your heart with him, you will be giving him reasons to think you're assuming what you have is much more than what he wants to have with you. It takes very little to scare a man off. Talking is sometimes perceived as drama. ONS sex should be drama free territory.

If you're lucky, you'll find a nice guy who'll care. If you don't wanna wait for this rare bird, just try to forget you are a virgin till after you've had sex.

Does that make sense?

 

I'm sure that there are lots of guys that wouldn't mind that you're a virgin.

It's a mistake, imho, to think "guys want this" or "girls want this", since there's enough people in the world that there is some variety. There may be some tendencies of the majority, but you only need to find one person.

It would help if you have a clear sense of what type of guy you want to meet. Then you can try to figure out a way to meet him.

Men's flirting repertoires tend to be fairly direct and limited. It's usually looking and sparking some conversation. Making sure that you are sending your own flirting signals is more important. Touching your hair in some way is one of the most common female flirting gestures. Honing your own flirting skills may serve you well.

Getting socially connected is an important part of meeting someone. Friends can help you connect with people. You can also try pursuing things that interest you that are also social (a group or class related to an interest, etc.).

There are also some "big-girl" dating clubs that may attract men that interested in dating big women. There are many ways to meet someone.

Hope you find Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now if that's what you want. Good luck!

 

You've been blunt and direct with us.
Do you know any men well enough to be as blunt and direct with them?

"I'm a 33 year old virgin. I'm not looking for a husband, I'm looking for someone to take my virginity and teach me about sex. Would you be that person?"

If a woman friend of mine said that to me, it would be a turn on. Not because she is sexy, but because she is honest, direct AND the implied compliment that "I" am a skilled lover who is good enough to teach others.

Firm boobs are nice eye candy, but by the time a man reaches 30, he knows that a woman who is friendly and who appreciates him for him is more desirable than a hottie in a short skirt.

 

I think you are getting great advice from cowboys_filly, Just_a_woman, e7m8, and MikeE. Moments like this make me proud to be on HipForums.

 

I think you should take the blunt approach as well. Find a guy you want to have sex with and explain your situation. Tell him you're not waiting on prince charming and you don't plan on turning into static cling afterwards, you just want someone to take your virginity.

I honestly don't know very many unattached men who would turn you down.

 

:blush5:

 

I say flirt, don't be a slut but flirting might make a man hit on you and it happens, you can explain your virgin situation on the way to the bedroom,,, if he runs yell, SUCKER, Made you run asshole! And he feels like the fool for running now he doesn't really know your situation for sure either way.
Let's say in the long run you flirt with someone who turns out falling for you, by the time you have to tell him you are a virgin (assuming it does take a few days or weeks or months for it to get this far) he already loves you and it won't matter to him. He might even be proud to be your first.
I would not want someone to take mine for the sake of taking it, I would want to find a good caring man who wants me first, as was my first who took mine, (dirty bastard,,,) chances are you might find more then the cherry (and the fruit flies) gone, snirk snirk,,, and hopefully that is a lover who is mighty glad he was your first.

 

Lol, that wasnt passive-aggressive at all

 

What exactly is the question though? Just what we think about this?
I'm a woman but I think some men would probably find being with a virgin unsettling and the men that are pigs that find out you're a virgin might want to have sex with you solely because you're a virgin.

I've only dated one person that was a virgin and this was actually strange for me. I don't think I even ever thought about having sex with him because I didn't want to be responsible for taking something like that away from him. I know you always here it when you're younger, "make sure you lose your virginity to someone special..someone you love" but shouldn't this still apply in adult hood?..

My advice would be to not even bring up that you're a virgin. I don't think many guys would be asking about this because they're probably going to assume you are not a virgin at this age. How to act during sex will come naturally to you. I don't think anyone would be able to tell you're a virgin.