In this field of dandelions

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by wrine420, Jan 13, 2005.

  1. wrine420

    wrine420 Member

    In this field of dandelions I think of nothing else
    But those winter nights we used to huddle
    Now on this great summer moon before us all
    The only action we take is just our normal cuddle
    Breathing the stars and thinking of where well be
    In the next ten years or perhaps a century
    But to speak the truth I want of nothing more
    Than to just see the moon blaze on your eyes
    Then to lay with you till the morning comes
    So we can watch together that lovely sunrise
     
  2. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

    It has the makings of a good piece, Needs a bit of editing.Too wordy in places, the use of "but" and "just" doesnt seem to work well to me. I did a bit of what I was refering to below. I hope this doesn't offend you but it was the only way I could think of showing you what I meant. By the way, I love dandelions.


    In this field of dandelions I think of nothing Except those winter nights we used to huddle
    This great summer moon before us all
    The only action we take is our normal cuddle
    Breathing the stars and thinking of where we'll be
    In the next ten years or perhaps a century
    To speak the truth I want of nothing more
    Than to see the moon blaze on your eyes
    Then to lay with you till the morning comes
    So we can watch together that lovely sunrise
     

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