Impregnation Fantasy.. A couple of questions

I am new to this website, and I found it by searching for information on impregnation fantasies. I had a couple of questions that I wanted to ask concerning this topic.

First, I will say that I am not one to get into fantasies, so maybe I am missing the whole thing here.

I was seeing a guy that had housewife/impregnation fantasies for me. The sex was amazing!!! I quickly told him that I did not like the pregnancy fantasy, and after a couple weeks, I told him that we needed to stop the housewife fantasy. The sex was great, like I said, but I really want to be a housewife. I told him that it would be too easy for me to get caught up in it, and if it was just fantasy then I didn't want to confuse myself thinking he meant all of those things.

He would say things like "he wanted to give me all of him" and he would want me to hold it. We would talk about how cute our kids would be, not during sex. He would tell me that just from seeing my ass that he would never want to stop having kids with me. This would happen in normal conversations, so I have no idea if he actually meant them or not. He was like a woman in heat though - he would point out cute babies and want me to look at them, he would send me videos with cute kids, etc. He would say he would do anything to have a child with my image in it.

Unbeknownst to me (and him), my iud had fallen out and he was talking straight to my ovaries. After less than 2 months of dating, I was pregnant. Some of his first comments were he liked knowing how fertile we were together and he could get me pregnant anytime.

Our relationship is on the line, if not already gone. He is not ready for a baby, and neither was I. When I mentioned that this was *his* fantasy, he told me to never bring that up again. I didn't want to have an abortion. I'm yearning for what we on we once had and if the timing was better, I think we could both enjoy me being pregnant really well.

He did have me come over and stay one weekend. When he called and asked me if I wanted to stay, he said things like he couldn't wait to see me pink and pregnant, I was carrying his baby, he wanted to protect his territory, and that he loved me. When I was there, he would rub and kiss my belly. I told him his baby liked having sex because it was moving a lot.

By the end of the week, I was told that was just bedroom talk and that he told me our bedroom talk was not reality. How am I supposed to know when he flips back and forth????

So it leaves me asking questions about his fantasy:
Do people usually want their fantasies to come true?

After reading about impregnation fantasy, I wonder how would people react if this happened to them? (I know it varies from person to person.)

Maybe I don't fully understand the whole fantasy thing? We never once played out my fantasy (rape...or to be completely dominated. After some reading, I've read that our fantasies are very similar in nature, due to the dominance.) I don't want my fantasy to come true, but then again, I never really played with fantasies before him.

The way I see it, we had beautiful sex and a deep intimate connection. He had his fantasy...which in some ways was also my fantasy(just not the pregnancy part). All of these things lead to his fantasy coming to a reality, and he can't handle it.

I'm just at a loss. I would appreciate any input that someone can give me about fantasies in general, and if anyone has any input on the impregnation fantasy, that would be great!

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

 

When you attempt to make a fantasy come true you do so in a way that maintains the integrity of the relationship.

Impregnation fantasies, girl, that was your first warning. I'd of been high tailin' out of that mess.

 

That's a tough one. I don't know the politics of fantasies but it would make sense for the person that has the fantasy to want it to come true.. Honestly, this dude sounds kind of crazy and it sounds like he's upset that you actually got pregnant. It sounds more like he just wanted to make believe and pretend rather than make it a reality. He kind of sounds like a jerk. Well, you said the sex is great but you weren't clear as to how your relationship is. How far along are you? Well, I've had unsupportive partners during my pregnancies and that was hell for me so I wish you the best of luck with that. I hope he's a supportive partner and good father, but this situation sounds worrisome..

 

It's obvious that it was just his twisted FANTASY and that he's not ready for the reality of it at all, heck he probably has no idea what the reality is even going to entail, and once it does dawn on him he will run away as fast as he can. Be prepared for that.

I used to fantasize about impregnating a girl too, but once it actually happened it suddenly hit me how much better off I'd have been if having a child had been a conscious decision at a time when I was actually prepared for it. And now, I refuse to even take any more risks at this point in time, I don't even cum in my girl's pussy even though she is still on birth control.

 

Thanks for replying!

We both seemed to want the same things in a relationship, and we got along great. I guess I'm just now understanding that he must live in fantasyland or something. I don't know. The weekend that I mentioned when I stayed with him, he was wonderful like he always was. Then telling me that was fantasy talk completely baffled me. I told him that was incredibly cruel to do me that way, considering the situation.

The pregnancy has stress both of us completely. Maybe, I'm in denial, but if you take this situation away, he IS the nicest guy I have ever dated. I was treated like a queen, and he set the bar for how I want to be treated in future relationships. He is a grad student, and he isn't from the US. He just isn't financially ready for a baby.

I am almost 20 weeks...halfway there!

 

I would also like to add that he seems to be jealous or extremely nosy on if I'm seeing anyone or protective of me - I don't know if this is fantasy or not.

He doesn't think our relationship can go on though, but seems to not want me to be with anyone else.

I am the same way, but he is more vocal about it.


-CT- - what did you do? Did she have the baby?

 

Yes. I love my son and intend to be the best possible parent for him, but reality is that the timing could not have been any worse, and I was certainly not as prepared for having a child as I would have thought. Many other men would (and will) run from the responsibility though, and it sounds like it will be the case for you. I don't mean to be negative, but it's just how it is and I wouldn't want to give you any false hope.

 

Does he express any interest in improving the world and making a difference for other people instead of pursuing his selfish goals? Is he oriented towards family values in any way, instead of being an individualist? If the answer to these questions is no, he won't be staying by your side for much longer. His possible feelings for you play no part here, they're something that is subject to changing circumstances.

 

I don't really know about improving the world, but I have learned how selfish he is. He is very career oriented though, and that is his main goal. He is trying to find a job now, and at one time he said if we kept the child, it would make him work harder. He is Indian. He does have very strong family values, and he is close to his family. We both had similar taste in family values. We seemed to want the same things, just not a baby anytime soon.

He doesn't want an arranged marriage, and he wants to bond with someone before marriage. Sadly, we didn't get much of a chance to bond. The timing is just really wrong.

 

Indian.. I don't mean to be racist, but those guys have some of the most convoluted values I've ever seen (from a Western perspective, of course). Probably not exactly what you had in mind either, if you're a fully Westernised woman...

 

He thinks that I want this because I didn't have the abortion. He has made comments before that suggest I tricked him, which I did NOT. I'm like this is what you "wanted". I didn't like the pregnancy fantasy, even though it made for some out of this world sexual experiences. It was just too weird for me, and hello, that shit CAN happen.

 

I was pretty stereotypical about Indians too. However, getting to know him from the time we spent, it did change my viewpoint. I saw someone that was working extremely hard to have a career that would provide well for a family. He was very gentlemanly and thoughtful. He was compassionate and wanted to live a happy life. I never thought he was selfish. He would have a ton of work, and have me stay with him all weekend. I know you can only go by what I say, but he was an amazing and beautiful person.

I don't understand how I can meet someone that seemed so wonderful. Even now, we have both had our moments, but we have tried to be civil in our arguments. Tempers have flared, but we both don't understand why this happened so soon.

 

You need to go to couples therapy or at least talk to him about several issues.
1. He needs to understand that the things he is saying (love, baby, etc.) has an effect on you. If he's just saying them as role playing, it's hurtful to you for him to then turn around and say "I was only pretending." I would dump him in a heart beat just for that alone. (He is playing head games with you. Whether he's a nut or not is not my call, go see a therapist, someone with qualifications to identify a personality disorder.)

2. He doesn't want to commit yet he doesn't want you to seek someone else. I'd be very careful here. No to scare you, but people like that can become dangerous. AGAIN, see a professional so they can help you.

3. He accuses you of tricking him? Why the heck didn't he wrap it? He is 50% responsible for this pregnancy.

4. He's not a citizen. He will probably run and you have no recourse. I would check with a lawyer to see about child support.

I'm Indian and while some Indian men can be great, some can be jerks. I see both types in my family. (This is true of all ethnic groups and it's true about both genders as well!)

Having a baby is a beautiful thing (when you are ready.) Doesn't sound like you are ready. You decided to keep the baby, so now you have to focus on the baby. Do what's best for you and your child.

Take steps to ensure you are having a healthy pregnancy and people to support you after the baby is born. I wouldn't count on him.

Try to focus on the positives in your life. Having a child (not just the delivery) can be challenging and frustrating. But it's worth it. The key is to be financially and mentally prepared (as much as you can be), and get as much rest as possible. That's why it's important to have some support from others. When people are exhausted and stressed out, they are more likely to make bad decisions. Don't be afraid/ashamed to ask for help. You are only human and you're not the only one who is in this position.

Good luck. Hope you will let us know if it's a boy or girl.

Since he's Indian- he might stick around if it's a boy. But there's no guarantee.

 

Lm2014 - thank you for your response. I am always interested in knowing how other Indians would react or do in a case like this.

I am seeing a therapist, and she does not understand his on-again/off-again behavior. I don't know if he would go with me or not.

I do have an appointment with a lawyer to see what my options are since he isn't a citizen.

We have talked about adoption. The last weekend I stayed with him, he said that he was providing the support and encouragement for us to take that route. When I went to see him, I had NO idea that's why I was going. Especially not after all the things he had said. He said he was naive to think I was thinking about adoption.....then why say "you're carrying my baby"?!!!! Why let himself get that caught up in a fantasy, but unable to come to the reality of it?

The impregnation fantasy did not last long. In fact, I had to tell him several times that I didn't like that. I forgot about it and didn't think about it until a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant. When I said something to him about this being his fantasy, he said to NEVER bring that up again. He said I haven't used your fantasy against you, and said you should be raped. (I do not want to be raped. I'm just tired of guys that have to ask what do I want them to do. I want someone that will take control.) We never acted out my fantasy either! He hung on to the housewife part a little bit longer before I asked him to stop.

He only used a condom a few times the weekend that I was ovulating. He didn't use it one time, and he apologized profusely. He said it was stupid and he was just so caught up. I wasn't worried because I was thinking "my iud, my iud, my iud!!!" we had seen each other more around that time because it was the holidays, so I guess his sperm could have hung around.

 

There was one time when we went out to eat and he said, " you have to see this cute baby sitting behind us." I'm thinking what men point out babies and I don't really want to look at it. When we went to leave, he mentioned it again and had me turn around to look.

There was another time where HE started a conversation about baby names- what names did I like and which ones he liked.
Was that considered fantasy talk? I just don't understand any of it.

 

I don't know of anyone who has this fantasy but I really think this guy is a jerk for messing with your head. I don't see why you're with him. What does he bring to the table (other than great sex?)

I got pregnant while on the pill. When I stopped taking it to try and have # 2, nothing happened for months. We quit trying and #2 was conceived by accident while I was off the pill for a month. (I was lazy about getting my refill. Didn't think it would happen but it did!).

He is selfish by doing this to you (pointing out babies etc.) I honestly don't know any man who does this. My own DH doesn't like kids, but he loves ours. He's a great father- attentive etc. Much more involved than either of our Dads. I'm mid thirties and he's early 40s. How old is your bf? He sounds young and immature. (Sorry to keep insulting him, but he's being a jerk, I can't help it.)

Are you planning on having him present during delivery? I wanted DH there, and he was reluctant but I didn't give him a choice. He was so glad he witnessed the birth of our children. I didn't want to see, so I declined the mirror. I am still 50-50 about that. Part of me wishes I had seen it via mirror, and the other part of me is glad I didn't. (Had an episiotomy and so I think I would have freaked out seeing that.)

 

Technically, we aren't together anymore. Most of the baby talk that he did was before we found out I was pregnant.

He brought a lot of things to the table as far as the way he treated me. When we went grocery shopping, he didn't want me carrying the bags in or he would carry my overnight bag. We took a couple of day trips to Atlanta, and we had wanted to go on more trips. He almost always paid for everything, but I did pay a few times. He lives in a college town and does not have a car. He would always ask to pay for my gas (he lived about an hour away from me), and sometimes I would let him. He wrote me a poem. He is so smart and I was fascinated learning about his Indian culture. I'm an open-minded person, but I realized I still lived in a bubble. I knew nothing about India before him, and my friends had told me negative things about India and Indian men. I would always try to ask him questions in a way that was non-judgemental. He liked that I wanted to know and that I didn't judge.

We just wanted to have fun together and get to know each other. When we first started talking, he asked me a bunch of questions on how I wanted to live. He asked how would I feel living with a big family and if his parents lived with us. We talked about how we would want to raise children. He wants someone that will take care of the house and children, while he works = exactly what I want. I'm domesticated and I want a big house with family and children around and I want to take care of a family and a husband.

My friends would tell me not to mess this up because they wanted to go to the wedding. I don't know if that's the actual seriousness or any indication of how things were between us.

I can understand his reasoning for not wanting an arranged marriage. He wants to bond with someone and plan a life with them. I think what we had was great, but obviously moved way too fast for both of us. It kind of puts him back in that "arranged marriage" category, even though we did bond and spent a lot of time together, we don't know each other. In the beginning, he said we needed to experience a lot of different circumstances together to see how we would react to them, boy was that ironic. This has sure been one hell of a test. Sadly, I don't think it's one that we can work through together....and that really breaks my heart.

I would love for him to be in the delivery room. He could not stand to watch me pull a hair off of my arm, so I think he might be like your husband! I told him I thought he might pass out. I don't know if he will be there or not. He tells me he just wants me to make up my mind on adoption or keeping it. He says abortion is still an option. I wish I had done the abortion at the time. These are decisions that I don't want to make, and its been extremely stressful.

He is 27. I'm 26.

My friend tells me that I need to see him more because I'm giving him space and he isn't seeing how this is really affecting me. She says if I saw him more that it might help him come to the realization of all of it, and it might be easier for him to accept it.

I believe that things happen for a reason. We were amazing together. We connected on levels that I never knew existed. I wish this baby was bringing us closer together instead of driving us apart. I would have thought from the chemistry that we have, it would bring us together.

I've told him if he is really *serious* about a life with me, then adoption is on the table. We both aren't ready. He wants me to make up my mind and we will go from there. Maybe I'm in denial. But that's where I go back to HIS fantasy also becoming a reality that he can't handle.

 

I feel awful saying and thinking these things about abortion, please know that.

I was scared at the time and I wasn't ready to take life away from someone that didn't ask for it. When faced with an adoption or possibly raising the child alone, abortion would have been the "easy" way out - out of sight, out of mind.

Not a choice I wanted to make, but a choice that would have been somewhat easier.

 

I feel awful saying and thinking these things about abortion, please know that.

I was scared at the time and I wasn't ready to take life away from someone that didn't ask for it. When faced with an adoption or possibly raising the child alone, abortion would have been the "easy" way out - out of sight, out of mind.

Not a choice I wanted to make, but a choice that would have been somewhat easier.

 

Where did you meet him?