I hate to admit it, but I am. I hate to sound trite, but I grew up in a home where I was constantly scrutinized and criticized and everything i did was made into a joke, every mistake was taken to seriously,sort of like verbal/emotional abuse. Whenever I'm nice to someone, I get taken advantage of, which in turn makes me bitter and resentful even to those who don't deseserve it. I'm incredibly shy, and it feels like I can't unwind or be happy without someone criticizing me or making my life a living hell. I want how I act to reflect how I feel inside, because I know that if I go on living unhappy and uptight I'll die early and lonely. It's just so hard to help youself....
As long as you're bitter and cold-hearted in how you treat yourself, you aren't going to have any strength to treat others any better. Go have a bubble bath, paint your toenails, sit with your hands on your tummy and love yourself. Draw a vine with leaves and petals up your arm as a way to tell yourself that you're going to be kinder from now on. Or something like that. It might feel a little awkward, and at first you'll probably be distracted by how people might judge you for doing something like that, but that's the power of doing that: you're shrugging off what other people might think and creating love for yourself. take care hun!
Learning to be nice to people in a productive way takes practice. People will step on you, waiting for its benefits requires patience. So don't give up on people, learn patience to grow your love.
