I'm so fucked up!

Discussion in 'True Confessions' started by Marija, Feb 15, 2006.

  1. Marija

    Marija Senior Member

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    Yesterday was the worst day of my life! In my country we celebrate St. Trifun, he was something like a protector of the wine or something, so every year everybody gets really drunk. I got drunk too, but in my school. Many kids of my class were drunk, but I was the drunkest. All of the teachers noticed, but they didn’t say anything. After school I was supposed to meet my boyfriend, because he said that he needed to speak to me about something important. The day before we talked about us, and our relationship, because we were going out for 2 months. After that he sent me a message on my mobile that he is glad that he was been going out with me for 2 months, and that it would probably continue because he loves the time we’re spending together. So now (yesterday) I’m meeting him for the important conversation. He acted normal, he hugged me, he kissed me, asked me how was my day… So I asked him what was the thing he needed to talk to me about. So all of the sudden he says to me: I need a brake. I was speechless! I got confused, and I asked him why? He said that I did nothing wrong, but he had a lot of things on his mind right now and he has lot of work, and his grandmother is dying and his ex-girlfriend is calling him lately and he needed to sort things out in his head. So I asked him is this an end or a brake or what? He said take it as you wish. And trough the conversation, he was hugging me, kissing me on the neck, on the cheek (but not in mouth). So I was even more confused and I wanted to leave. He said he will walk me to my bus station. So he did, he hugged me and left. The moment he turned his back I started to cry. I never realized how much he meant to me! I was feeling horrible. I went home crying, and steel smelling like brandy, hopping that I will manage to get myself together before my parents arrive, but my mother was already at home. So I ran into my room and called my friend to come over and keep me company. My mother got mad at me for some reason ( I don’t really know why). I forgot to say that the day before that I got ill so now my temperature was 38. When my friend left I went to my bed and I tried to sleep, but I could not fall asleep. So I lied like that for hours, crying and thinking. When I finally got up I was scared to go to my parents because I acted so strange all day, an I was afraid that they noticed something was going on. But I went anyway because I was hungry. While I was eating (pretending to eat) my father yelled at me because of the phone bills. I told my parents I was sick and that I won’t go to school tomorrow (today). After that I talked to one friend, who is his (my boyfriends) best friend, and she said to me not to worry because he said to her that after a PAUSE goes PLAY. But he didn’t tell me it was a pause. So now I’m like I zombie. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t study, can’t do anything. I just stare trough the window, read his old messages on my mobile phone, wait for him to call… The worst thing is that I don’t know how am I going to show up in school… Is he going to call me? What shall I do when I see him again? My parents?

    Sorry for this, but it’s really hard for me…

    Love you, Marija
     
  2. Smurfing-Nibbles

    Smurfing-Nibbles Member

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    hey things will get better, throughout life people will always hit good times and bad times. in the past year, my life has had so many changes but i noticed that after something great happened, something bad happened and it kept on happeneing like that. life changes and youll get through this, just stay strong and keep your head up. and about your boyfriend, forget about him. no one who just does that is worth crying over. hope things get better for you
     
  3. BoozeJockey

    BoozeJockey Member

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    ...Just be yourself. Don't base your life on if you will see this assclown again or not.

    Sorry, but if he breaks up with you because "play after pause" then he's a douchebag.
     
  4. Marija

    Marija Senior Member

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    thanks
    I'll tell you if anything interesting happens...
     
  5. Brand New Soul

    Brand New Soul Senior Member

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    This is one of those things that people have to go through. I really can't say wether or not he will call. But all you can do is carry on, there is no need in looking at the past. I know it hurts and Im sorry if I sounded rude. If its ment to be it will be, if not well then theres nothing more you can do than to carry on. He sounds like a confused guy. But keep your head up high everything will be okay in the end. And as smurfing-nibbles said you'll go through good times and bad times. You'll come out of this just fine, you'll move on. I know you will =)
     
  6. DharmaBum

    DharmaBum Old Guard

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    Sometimes you loose Kid, that doesn't mean you have to like it...
     
  7. warmhandedcanadian

    warmhandedcanadian shit storm chaser

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    Maybe it wasnt meant to be.. maybe because u were coming off a drunk it just seems worse!
     
  8. Marija

    Marija Senior Member

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    God! I miss him too much! This is not me! Where is my pride, my ego? I can't stand this any more! If i don't see him tomorow, I don't know what i'm going to do with myself! :( I don't deserve this. I hate myself!
     
  9. Love2Cowgirl

    Love2Cowgirl Member

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    You should not hate yourself for someone elses actions. I suggest setting up a time when the both of you can talk privately and comfortably. There is no need to go into this conversation with guns blazing or on bended knee. Be honest, ask him what he's going through and try to understand even if you don't get it. By the end of the conversation, if done civily, you will know exact;y where you stand...for good or ill. If he's done and out, so be it...it will happen many times until you find that one person. It does get easier...sort of.
     
  10. liz

    liz Member

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    I would say treat it as if it's an actual breakup. Trust me, it's way worse to sit there wondering when or if he's going to come back. Don't call. Make his dumb ass sorry for being stupid. And it's ok to feel bad -- just don't feel bad about YOURSELF for this. If he said he wanted to talk before, then he clearly already had it in mind, before your lips even touched the bottle. Dumbass. Anyway. Keep on truckin'! Spend lots of time with friends who make you feel happy. Keep yours hands busy. And don't call the assdog!
     
  11. Marija

    Marija Senior Member

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    he called me
    So i didn't ask him anything about the relationship, and he didn't say anything eather. He just acted like nothing realy happend, like we're togather, and we never have been on a break. Now, i don't know what to think. I'll wait and see what happens...
     
  12. Brand New Soul

    Brand New Soul Senior Member

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    Was he drunk as well that day?
     
  13. warmhandedcanadian

    warmhandedcanadian shit storm chaser

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    ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa ... sigh.

    hmphhh he he thank you
     
  14. Marija

    Marija Senior Member

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    no
    but he was drunk the night before
     
  15. TheDeadHead

    TheDeadHead Member

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    i will survive - the grateful dead
     
  16. Marija

    Marija Senior Member

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    I'm seeing him tomorow! Wish me luck!
     
  17. Happiness_First

    Happiness_First Member

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    Aw don't worry baby.. these things are SO hard, but if you just give him the space he needs, it'll give you both time to clear your heads and see things for what they are. Whether things work out between you two or not, remember.. you're the same person, with or without him!! Life is beautiful.. don't waste your days missing him when you could be experiencing something incredible!!
     
  18. Texplayboy

    Texplayboy Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    I have to say that it sounds like he is taking an ex girlfriend break. If you think you can still enjoy being his girlfriend after he is sorting out his feelings for her, then you know whether to wait or not. I am fairly sure he is re-testing the waters with another.

    You might want to do the same. I have learned one thing about women, they always are more attractive when they are smiling at someone else.

    You did not mention whether your relationship was sexual yet, but if it isn't, then you might be lucky to have dodge the bullet this time. If that ship has sailed, you can count it as a fun adventure, and be thankful he was honest about what he was planning to do, and told you before he did it.

    I hope it works out the way you want it.. good luck.

    James
     
  19. Marija

    Marija Senior Member

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    We're back together, the things are little messed up right now but we'll work them out. And no, we're not having sex yet, he thinks i'm too young, and that it's too early in this relationship.
     
  20. Brand New Soul

    Brand New Soul Senior Member

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    I have just one question. Did you ask him why he was acting so werid when you saw him? Im gald your together and I hope you do work out your problems with him!!
     
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