I'm so excited I have to tell someone!

By the way, Vanilla Gorilla...your username is awesome sauce.

I'm not really worried about it.

You know, you would think she would at least pretend to care about the kids. She has not once attempted to get a hold of us to ask about the kids or talk to them. No wonder they have no interest in seeing her. It's heartbreaking how heartless she is.

Good news is the started school again today and did very well. His daughter didn't get to go while she was with her mom so she wasn't even sad about dad leaving. Lol.

 

Since Thanksgiving is tomorrow they were having the kids write and draw what they were thankful for in school this week. Nathan wrote mom on one and the first thing he said when he got home was "I was talking about you when I wrote mom." Then he drew me on his other paper saying what he was thankful for. I feel loved.

The kids really want to call me mom. It's sad that even they, at the ages of three and six, see me as more of a mom than their biological mother. Especially since I've only been with their dad like what, ten months officially.
I told them that as long as they understand the difference and it'll make them happy they can call me mom. I said Whitney, step mom, mom#2, or mom were all okay with me.
While she has proven herself not to be a mother, I'm just hoping that when they start visiting her they don't hurt her feeling by saying it. I will never ask them to, but I'm not going to tell them they can't. I mean, I'd rather them think of us all as a team. Two moms and two dads...if she ever gets her shit together that is.

Do you guys think that's the thing to do? What would you have done if your significant other had kids from another relationship and wanted to call you mom or dad? Do you think I need to say something about it if/when I talk to her?

 

I would have said to call me by my given name. That as much as I love you, you only have one mom and one dad.

The reasons are that permanent custody is still pending and it can cause friction where there should not be. The biological parents are that forever. Future partners of those parents not necessarily so, reality is that people come and go.

You can love a child as if it were your own without needing to be called mom or dad. Those children will feel loved if they are cared for. That is what matters.

 

It's important to remember that people face struggles. She may have neglected her children, and honestly there is absolutely no good reason for anyone to ever do that. But have some compassion and forgiveness in your heart for a struggling person.

My dad's brother married a woman (who had full custody) that became addicted to drugs. She abandoned his two sons when they were 3 and 5 with my grandparents. Both had severely rotten teeth, absolutely no manners (they ate like animals, its very sad), and would wet the bed and go to the bathroom in places they shouldn't. It was a severe case but they both turned out to be nice young men. She reclaimed partial custody of them when they were 14 and 16...only to disappear a couple years later and was found dead, in a ditch, of an overdose. She had battled heroin on and off throughout her life. And though she was a really shitty mom there is no denying that she loved those boys. Anyway one of them has battled heroin for years, though he's doing better now he has severe emotional pain from being bounced around. I'm not saying this is your situation, but children need stability so I hope that you take this into serious consideration when you step into their lives to a greater degree. They will need you to protect them for a long time coming, and don't ever talk badly about her to them.

 

Yeah I have never asked to be called mom and nor will I start doing so now. I just said if it makes them more comfortable and they understand the difference it's okay with me. I'd like them to be able to see us all as a team one day. Two moms and two dads.

I still have some sympathy, but very very little. She has not even attempted to make contact to see or talk to the kids.

 

I wish you the best of luck. PM me if you would like to ask any questions off the board. I've been through almost exactly the same thing. One thing you guys should be doing right now and into the future is keeping a journal. Write everything down with dates, witnesses, documentation, etc.

 

I remember reading another thread by you about this. I commend you for caring about someone else's children like your own and I'm very happy to hear things are working out for you two. It's wonderful

 

My friend has a 6 year old daughter and he has been seeing a woman who makes the "baby mama" look like Satan herself. The biological mother's a terrible mom, honestly a horrible person (I've known her for about 15 years and my opinion of her has yet to change). Anyway, a couple months ago, we were visiting the house where dad and 6 year old daughter, and dad's girlfriend of the past year and her 4 year old son live. The little girl was playing with her "stepmom" and said, "I wish you were my mommy!" The response I thought was wonderful. Stepmom said, "Well, I'm not your mommy, but I'm something even better! I'm your Ruby!" The little girl accepted that answer and went on playing.

 

Im happy your getting your go at parenting. Hope you have am awesome experience shaping the young mind and watching them grow up.

 

Thank you guys for the kinds words and your opinions. And I have been keeping track of everything on my calender for Eric since she went to the crazy floor because I figured he would need it for court.