I used to enjoy smoking ganja quite a bit, but as time went on I started having anxiety/panic attacks every time I smoke and now I just don't enjoy it at all. Everyone I'm close to smokes. I'm not even exaggerating. I feel so left out when I'm hanging around my friends, because weed is involved every time. While everyone is sitting in a circle passing the peace pipe, I just sit there in the background. While my boyfriend is laying there all mellow and giggling his fool head off, I'm just the stupid ass boring, sober girlfriend trying to fuck with his head and make him laugh...which always works, and is lovely, but I wish I could be on cloud 9 with him as well as the rest of my friends... I'm sick of going through life knowing that I'll probably never know what it's like to trip, because I have anxiety and I think too fucking much. I'd be too afraid of going insane before and during the trip, and come up with all sorts of possibilities and what can go wrong. Has anyone ever seen the movie "shrooms"? That's what I'm talking about. Reality blows. I miss mind altering substances. I wish I were mentally stable. I'm so sick of being ME.