i'm really going to do it!

i have been whining and carrying on for over a year now about my horrible marriage, feeling stuck and paralyzed and unhappy and not doing a damn thing about it. well, now i am doing something about it. i'm leaving. on june 6, around 4 in the morning i get on the bus to woodstock new york and don't look back. i'm posting here, because to start off, i'll be living in a tent, and i will be being joined by my children in a few weeks, after i've gotten settled, in time for the toddler's birthday.

this is the single craziest thing i have ever done in my whole life, but i have to say, it feels pretty right. to be honest, this is something i've always wanted to do with the children, to just let go of it all, take them out into nature for awhile, live simply and learn. my uncle had some land in the mountains in the southern teir of new york when i was a kid, and we spent many summers camping there in his lean-tos. i always felt my kids were missing out on those experiences. they both are longing for the great outdoors, and i suppose it's a good way to make the transition to a new life. (after the summer i plan on resettling in an apartment in saugerties or kingston.)

there are people there i can lean on in an emergency, and i am formulating a few emergency plans in case we run into problems. there are other places we can go if things don't work out. i'm trying to plan this as carefully as i can, so that i'm prepared, but nonetheless i'm experiencing this giddy, terrifying, linerating sense of just closing my eyes & jumping. wish me luck, and advice is appreciated.

 

Since you are traveling by bus I assume you are going to be lightweighting it. Unless you are living in a tent in someone's backyard or something, where you will have access to the amenities you'll need.

Assuming you are going to be on your own, and not near on a friend or relatives property, I suggest you read all you can about lightweight camping/backpacking and that you even take some "practice" trips so you know exactly what kind of gear you will need. On my frist backpacking trip I was able to figure out the things I brought that I didn't need (stuff that just weighed me down) and the things I didn't bring that I needed.

www.backpacking.net is a good sight for the lightweight backpacker, if that is similar to what you are planning on doing. Tents/sleeping bags/food/water/clothes can be heavy, very heavy, and if you don't have a car trunk to store them in and a way to drive up to the place you are gonna be camping you gotta learn to go light.

If you want to give us some more details on what you are planning many of us will be able to give you more specific advice.

Good luck, and congrats for getting out of a rotten marriage and taking steps to make yourself happy! I certainly am not happier than when I am out in the woods soaking up the solitude!

 

my dad was really into backpacking when i was a kid. we used to go camping in the mountains in the souther tier of NY every summer, and i've been on several camping trips as an adult. this is by far not my first camping trip, but it's probably the lightest i've ever camped. we hopefully will, however, be near enough to my new lover, ken, so that we can use his kitchen & bathroom when necessary and have somewhere dry to go hang out on rainy, cold, or just plain boring days. we do plan on spending plenty of time in town, too. there's a summer activity program at a local park that i hope to get the kids into, so the kids will have other children to socialize with and i'll have some time to spend with ken or work on our permanent relocation plans. so i guess maybe it's not "real" camping, but i want to make sure that the kids are comfortable and happy, too. it'll give us the opportunity to ease into our new surroundings.

ken is very familiar camping in the area, and is there to help us. it's also likely that the kids will only be with me part of the summer, as they're going to be welcome to go back to rochester and stay with their dad anytime they want. (the pressure is off now that we've agreed to end it and things are much more harmonious between suresh & me.)

even though i wasn't planning this back then, i have been reading everything i can get my hands on about backpacking, and camping with children. i'll check out the website, too. my biggest worry is that people will think i'm "depriving" my children by making them live in a tent. actually, that happens a lot with the summer crowd around woodstock. i'm treating it like a summer vacation, though, and an important educational experience. we have friends and family who can help us in a jam, places to go in an emergency, and they're welcome to go back to their dad anytime they want, at least until the end of the summer when i permanently relocate. still, i worry. i need this time in the tent, but my kids are always my first priority.

 

you sure yer ruggies will be joining you after you go on your merry way ? i hope you realize just what you are doing by leaving them behind.... believe you me,, i was very near rochester n lived in ny from the time i was born,,,, if the one yer leaving realizes n knows what yer doin,,, he could or someone ya piss off in the family file for custody of them there kids and actually get it... been there done it and all i did was send my kids home for a vacation with family,,,, they went to court on an emergency hearing and said i abandoned them,,,, ,,,
be prepared for what may come in doin things the way you are going about it...

 

wow, that was incredibly insulting.


yes, i am sure they will be joining me. i have discussed this at length with suresh and his family, and sincerely doubt he is suddenly and without warning going to suffer a drastic personality change and accuse me of abandonment or some such rubbish. i have discussed this to death with suresh. we are parting peacefully, and i have remained here for 6 months longer than i otherwise would have to make sure the separation would be smooth, peaceful and friendly. perhaps it was not the case 6 months ago, but i can now say with confidence that although he is no longer going to be my husband, he is still my friend, even if that friendship may be strained from time to time. we have both worked very hard through a lot of stress to get it to that point, and i don't think either one of us are willing to change that. no one wants a nasty divorce when a peaceful separation is possible.

we also both share the rather idealistic fantasy that children are human beings who need and deserve meaningful relationships with both parents, (they still have two parents, even if we're not married any more) not possessions to be squabbled over in court. not that any of this is your business, but we agreed he would get the children first because i am the one leaving, and it would provide a more stable environment for them while i got settled. however, both children love camping, and have been longing for the great outdoors, so they will be with me on and off throughout the summer. they will be settling in with me when i settle into my new apartment, giving suresh the time and space to relocate to the NYC area so that we can be closer to facilitate visits (without driving each other up a wall.) this we have discussed and agreed upon. i should also add that he has complete confidence that he will be getting them back for visits, too, when they want to see each other. it works both ways. our kids are not a rope for legal tug-of-war.

my condolences for having been in or around rochester for so long. i'm sure if that is the case you can understand why i am eager to get the hell out of here. however, rochester is a big place and i don't recall suresh or i ever having met you. rest assured, i have been married to him for 6 years. i like to think we know each other a little bit. i like to believe i know my family at least a little bit as well, considering i was born with them.

suresh and i have agreed from the start to file a do-it-yourself, no-fault divorce and settle everything out of court as much as possible. if more divorcees would actually have constructive discussions with their exes, then lawyers would be far less wealthy. (although there is always one unhappy, totally uninvolved busybody cynic who insists things will always get nasty.) that being said, i should add that if i felt i needed legal advice regarding the divorce, i would consult a lawyer, not a stranger on the outdoor living board of a hippie forums site. call me picky, but what i posted here for was camping advice.

i am sorry to hear you had such a negative experience with your family and kids. with that in mind, the only other thing i can say is that i'm grateful i have different relatives.

now, can we get this thread back on topic, please?

 

No no, Lizzy, let her continue... I love the hilarity of quasi-legal/moral advice from an obvious slack-jawed yokel...

now THAT was insulting...

 

oh that was NOT insulting,,,, believe ya me,,, if i meant to be insulting i sure as hell would have,,,
what you think you know will happen n what in actuallity could be two very different things,,, and i meant it as nothing more than a warning to what you are doing,,,
on another note,, no where did i say that i thought i had met you or anything like that,, if you got that from what i said then you are very wrong n quite possibly you should reread it with a different frame of mind,,,


you asked for thoughts advice etc,, tis what i gave,,, now i know you expected to quite possibly get nothing but good things from what you said and congratulations n shit,,, but knowing what the hell iwent through ,,, i personally think it is important for one tyo consider what could n may happen,,,,
obviously you n the soon to be ex dont know one another as you thought you did etc or you would not be splitting to begin with... now since you took everything out of context that iwrote ,,, i digress on the subject... good luck to you n yours,, it aint gonna be all peaches n cream as you hope n feel that it will be
so therefore you will need it,,,
luv n lite

 

I know a GREAT breakfast receipe that takes little prep and less dishes. It's THE best for (car) camping meals. All of the stuff can be prepared in advance.

Omelet in a bag:

1. Use one QUART sized freezer baggie for each omelet.
2. Put two eggs and any fixings you or they like, such as: chopped onions, bacon bits, cubed ham, green peppers, mushrooms, whatever you like (but save any cheese for toppings - affects cooking time and consistency). Seal bag and smooch ingredients together.
3. Boil in bag in large pot for 10 - 12 minutes. Check for doneness by squeezing bag with tongs - still runny, not done.
4. Dump out on plate - looks just like an omelet.
5. Add cheese, sour cream, picante, hot sauce or whatever you like as toppings.

The beauty of this is everyone can do their own cooking and they can make them with whatever they like, whenever they like. Yummy!

 

I don't really have any advice for you...just wanted to send some good vibes your way! I love your idea! I think your kids will learn a lot from the experience.

 

I would make sure to have plenty to keep the kids entertained. It really sounds like a lot of fun, kitty. I don't think anyone will think you are depriving your children, especially since this is something both you and your husband have worked out. Camping is certainly not depriving children, it is opening them up to a whole new experience! I would say you are depriving them if you don't get them out in the woods every now and then!

Can I suggest a few things? Get some really nice sleeping mats for you and the kids, since you are going to be out there for a while...you'll start missing a good night's sleep after some time if ya don't. I have a self-inflating mat which is really nice and lightweight. Are you going to be staying in one place or moving around alot? If you are staying in one place I would pack the extra weight and get yourself a nice air mattress with a battery powered pump, you wont miss your old bed at all!

Also, maybe you should think about some bug netting and rig yourself a little habitat to keep the bugs out, but so you aren't stuck in the tent all the time. You probably wont use it during the day, but if you have that you wont have to retreat to the tent as soon as the sun goes down and the bugs come out.

They also have these sonic misquito repellers (they are keychain sized) so you wont have to wear bug spray all the time. I bought some for my hubby and I, and although I was skeptical at first (and packed bug spray just in case) those things worked great for me. They only worked for misquitos though.

Hmm...that's about all I can think of for now, but if I come up with anything else I will post it here for ya. I love to help, and I love talking camping!!

 

tarabelle, thanks for the cooking idea. i'm trying to figure out how i'm going to handle rules regarding the kids and food in and around the tent, since they are still young enough to be rather messy eaters, and i don't want crumbs attracting animals or bugs. i'm trying to come up with ideas for clean, cheap snacks, especially since damien is gluten-free due to possible celiac.


i'm thinking about shipping some camp gear to ken early, so i don't have to carry everything on the bus, and have room for fun stuff like my drum and art supplies. i'm not sure how often i should move camp. i suppose a lot depends on where i end up camped, if it's a regular camp site or a "pirate" site. ken's trying to find a good spot for us to start out in now. i obviously want to have our needs met, but i don't want to have anything too expensive, as sometimes campsites anywhere get broken into and looted while the people are away, and since we're going to be thre long-term, there's more opportunity for that to happen. i'm planning on putting a little luggage lock through the tent door zippers while we're away as a preventaive measure, but am worried that i'd run the risk of getting my tent door damaged as a result. money, valuables, some of the kid's things, and probably even some food will be stored at ken's for this reason.

for activities, there's the summer park program, and there's also drum circles on the green every sunday. ken was talking about finding a guitar for damien, so that could be entertaining (and nerve-wracking, but what the hell. he can take the guitar with him when he goes to visit daddy, too. heh, heh, heh!) i was thinking of finding a small, kid-sized folding table that we could set up inside the tent for crafts on rainy days we're not at ken's for whatever reason. although really, they're both begging to just be outside, unless it's really nasty. cooped up in a city apartment too long.

 

some campsites have limits to how long you can stay at each one, just a thought since you said you wanted to do long term camping

 

most campsites have limits to how long you can stay to avoid problems with squatting and such...also, have you sought any legal advice on the divorce? it's not my area of the law, but I'm pretty sure that in NY there is no "no-fault" divorce, unless of course you filed for divorce elsewhere. NY, like CA, likes to make any legal proceeding complicated. just some random thoughts shooting out, but I do wish you the best of luck.

 

i am not going to discuss legal issues on this forum at all. i would be grateful if no one would ask me about it again.


i was thinking it'd be better to move around a bit, anyway. less impact. don't want to kill the grass. i really don't know how long-tern it's going to be. i'd like to camp for the whole summer, but a lot will depend on work as well.

 

if kens trying to find a site to start out with,, its obious he dont have a clue about what yall doin either..

as ya know kitty if im gonna give advice ,, i dont read essays..

so i need in a 50 words more or less explanation of acerage water supply and how the land lays,, an neighbor type shit..

serious,, ya know i dont read 300 word posts,, an i think ya know i can help..

so lay it on me..

 

I'm going to keep giving you camping tips - s'ok?. It's one of my favorite things to do, though I don't go as much as when I lived in so cal. The weather was always so nice there. It would help if I knew whether you are roughing it backwoods or whether you're going to be in a facility with plumbing, for example.


But, one of the things I couldn't do without is baby wipes. You can clean your face, hands, body, EVERYWHERE with them. You can use them to clean anything in a pinch.

And I always find that it helps to have not only a door mat outside of your tent, but an old bathmat right inside the door, too. Helps keep the tent floors clean. Or even get a large piece of outdoor carpet to put in front of your tent. You can buy it off the roll pretty cheap at a home improvement store.

Have a big bucket, like a large kitty litter bucket for example, for doing your dishes in.

And I keep one of those porta potties inside my tent for peeing in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning. So much nicer than getting up and out of the tent everytime.

And for activities, introduce your kids to nature, of course. There's fishing, hiking, bird watching. Buy a bird book and figure out how many you can identify. Figure out how to recognize those owls balls they regurgitate. You can break them open and see what the owl's been eating. This just fascinated my boys. They still have them with their 'treasures'. Look for beaver wood and houses. And bring board games - my boys never tire of those. Never.

Hope you and your kids have an experience of a lifetime!

 

i bought a backpacking tent yesterday, and a pup tent for the kids. thinking about getting a second pup tent, just to have an extra.


it looks like we're going to be moving around a lot, to avoid killing grass, and for the fun of exploring the area. ken and aleya will be joining us some nights, and there may even be times when all of us try to squeeze into his tiny appartment for a night or two if the weather's harsh.

most likely i'll be roughing it, except that i'll probably be getting water, and often even cooking, at ken's place a lot. porta potty is definately out - i hate the things, even if it was possible to lug one along with me, which it is not. well, we will have shakti's little potty chair for her.

i have a little mat that i keep inside the tent when camping. baby wipes are a good idea, except that i'm allergic to most of them. this is going to be interesting - camping gluten- and chemical-free. i'm not even sure i can safely use seam sealer on my tent, unless it's going to air out for a week or so.

 

A boyfriend of mine one lived in a tent for a year and found it to be the most liberating experience in his life. Afterwards he was able to concentrate more clearly on his future goals and ambitions.

Grab a Coleman propane stove. It's the best.

 

i have a coleman stove that i will probably have shipped ahead to ken, unless i can find a more portable way of cooking. most of my cooking (save for perhaps breakfast porridge) will probably be done at ken's, though.

suresh and i were working on a more detailed schedule for the kids today, and i'm feeling much more confident. to those who expressed concern, i cannot be accused of "abandonment" if we have a detailed schedule, in writing, (in both our hands) of who gets the children when, for how long, and how they're going to be picked up, right down to shakti's birthday party plans. nor can i be accused of "depriving" them by "making" them "live" in a tent, if i have their visits planned ahead of time. ha. so there.

(um, don't think i warned suresh about damien's guitar yet, though. but then, it wouldn't be a "real" divorce if we didn't have some means of driving each other mad as a hatter!)

 

Gee thats grown up why not just say nana nana boo boo...