I'll be turning 30 soon and I've never had a girlfriend before. Not a virgin and I have had a couple hookups here and there but more than anything I'd love to fall in love, have a beautiful wife and be a dad someday but it looks as if that's never going to happen. I'm fit and workout daily, attractive black guy, love to go hiking/camping, travel and do fun things; but alas that's never translated into meeting someone. For the last 3 years I've tried dating apps and those never worked out for me. I used a date coach and had my profile checked out and they always said it was one of the best but I garnered little to no interest from attractive women. I know the pandemic made it hard to meet people in person too but even now when it's starting to go back to normal I can't meet someone. When others give me advice they say join groups or meet through friends except I have no friends. Most of my days are spent alone and I do everything by myself whether it's go out for dinner or hiking or just cruising around at parks. I used to love being alone and I cherished those times but now it's tiresome, I want to know what it's like on the other side too. The side of having someone spontaneously call me up on a Friday night asking to come chill, the side of having a woman by myself to support one another and spend time with. I feel as if my luck has just been awful. Everywhere I go are couples having a good time, people out on dates and friends always having someone to hangout with on weekends etc. The last time I tried to ask someone to hangout with me I had to beg or they just cancel and I refuse to be that guy anymore. In all fairness though something I have struggled with for a long time is the feeling of being left out, that feeling of never being on anyone's mind or know what it's like to be wanted. Granted I started trying to date later in life but never in my wildest dreams did I ever assume it would be this hard. I know I'm worthy of love, affection and friendships but I'm just lost and don't know where to start...I guess. How do I make friends this late in life where most have them carry over from school or work? How do I meet a woman who's interested in wanting to get to know me and possibly build towards something? Honestly it feels as though I'm starting life from scratch. Guess I just needed somewhere to vent as sit here on a Saturday night with nothing to do.
Go to church. Yes, I'm serious. Go to a church service next Sunday. Pick a larger church where there will be more single women to choose from. Show up several Sunday's in a row. Eventually someone will ask about you. There may be a singles group that meets (pick an evening) for socializing. If the church you picked the first time doesn't have a singles group then move to another church. Go back to school. Go enroll in some college courses and take classes again. Available women attend college. If another student fancies your interest ask her about the subject being taught. Then ask her about something she is wearing. Maybe a tattoo she has. She won't be offended but will rather explain the basis for the tat. Let the conversation flow from there but be sure to show interest in her. Don't talk about yourself until asked. Take some dancing lessons. Or scuba, cycling, hiking, camping, some activity where there is apt to be women taking the same lessons. If there's an REI Outlet in your area that's a great place to go and join in with something like that. Join a gym, YMCA, or exercise facility of some kind. While working out if there is a woman exercising ask her to spot for you a few times. Then ask her about her workout routine. Get advice from her on your routine. But show interest in her not yourself. Lastly 30 is not old. I know many men who were well into their 30's who didn't have a woman by their side until later on. And many men who latched on to the first woman that paid attention to them and are single again because they didn't choose well. Finding the loving partner needs to be a long and thoughtful process. You tried a dating coach with no success. I suspect the coach didn't do his job well. Maybe try another one. Or another dating app. Try, try, again and then again. You might think you're fit and workout daily and an attractive guy. Look at yourself objectively. How do you dress? Is it for success? how about your hair? Would you be respected in the board room? Do you keep yourself clean and shaven? Personal care and appearance helps attract the opposite sex. Especially if you carry yourself like your worth a million bucks.
Listen to Barry. Don't be afraid to lower your standards a bit, but also take a deep look at yourself. You often see what you want to see. It's difficult to make friends that are not either work or school colleagues, men, we are just difficult bonders. Develop some interests. If all else fails, get a cute dog and hang out at the dog park / meat market.
I don’t know how much time you spend in the black community, but black women don’t want a man like you! If you were a thug, you’ll be good to go. You’ll be good for a non-black woman! I’m just being honest!
I mean this was the dumbest shit I've ever read but either way I have zero attraction to black women anyways! LMAO
You sound like me man, I'm 43 never had a girlfriend either I'm also reasonably good looking, but I'm a loner as well I think the reality is a lot of people meet partner's through friends or just from generally socializing. Like if you have a social life it increases your chances a lot more like if you go to parties with friends or bars or even restaurants where there's a big group. If your just a homebody like me then how do you meet anyone they aren't just going to knock on the front door and say 'hey how bout it?' But I also know a lot of people meet partners at work and I've changed jobs several times over the past few years but it hasn't happened yet. I've just never felt that connection or spark with anyone yet there was one girl but that was a long time ago and she moved on and I kind of fucked it up. I have a lot of mental health issues anxiety OCD etc so that has been the main culprit. It just seems like some of us are just cursed when it comes to the opposite sex, but maybe that's just my negativity speaking. For some of us life is just harder than for others I guess. I don't have any good advice to offer except I wish you well and maybe just keep at it, remember Colonel Sanders his recipe was rejected 1,009 times before anyone accepted it! I'm thinking I might try a dating site again I tried tinder briefly before but had no luck but I'm not hopeful, I find it's good not to get your hopes up too much then you won't get so disappointed.
I’d like to board this boat as well. I’m 42, never had a girlfriend and am a virgin. In before: stop with the self pity, get over yourself, etc. Ive heard this time and time again when bringing this up and to be quite honest, it isn’t helpful. I’m sure you know what an introvert is. That’s what I am. A get uncomfortable in social situations. I have two friends(very high quality mind you) but one live far away, the other has a busy career. Both women if that matters. I’d feel very awkward to go places myself as I’d just be the one alone in the corner observing rather than being proactive. Dating sites. Been there. Paid for eharmony for a year. No replies. Another one, I got called a woman abuser because I wasn’t exactly what she was looking for in her profile. Excuse me for thinking what she wanted could be overlooked. My most successful was a woman I met a few years back on OkCupid. Interests in common, sent encyclopedia length messages everyday, very interested in each other. She liked my Christmas village, she was nerdy like me, and she was genuinely interested in me. Then one day, this: "I’m getting back together with my ex. Bye". Analogy. The movie Pleasentville, when people discover something in them and break free and embrace it, they turn colour. I’m still very much black and white. Too nervous to do anything. That’s my story.
There is someone for everybody in the world, that is why half the populations are men and the other half are women, it does not matter what is your race, nationality, black or white, Asian, American, or African, so you should look for some reasonable factors for an unsuccessful relationship or social communication. You shouldn't think there is no one interested in you, I am sure everybody has some positive characters for the rest of the people, who they interest to be with you. Try to follow some suggestions of Barry go to different meeting societies and try to keep talking with the people. I am sure there are a lot of white women who like to have a black boyfriend. I think there is something wrong with your communication style, try not to talk about youself before asking you, and be a self-confident person while you are talking with a woman. I like to say talking with a social worker could be so effective, just do not give up to get close to the people. You should believe that the impossible is impossible just you should find a way of connecting to other people. I am sure the numbers of women who look for a man are more than men. Just keep going, it is not easy but it is possible.
