I'm having some trouble dealing with ma'

I'm 40 and myself and my mother have had a very good relationship through the years, we drink together when we meet, we dropped acid together on her 40'th birthday, we argue about politics and religion, I accept her BDSM lifestyle, and she lays off the expectations she had for me as a kid(usually) and respects my lifestyle. But there have been some problems of late, and any adivce would be appreciated.
The problem is my mother has seldom been able to provide for herself, and she has always depended heavily on the government, the men in her life, and the rest of the family, to keep a roof over her head and food in the fridge. At present she is living in my Grandfathers condo(my Grandfather is currently in the extended care ward of the local hospital) , an arrangement that was supposed to only last 3 months while she sorted out where she was going to live. This has run into 3 years. I do not give a rats ass, so far as I know Grandad wants to keep the property in his name as a connection outside of the "home", and has largely divorced himself from any family squabbles, and I will do backflips to make sure this one never crosses his radar. So far as Grandad and I am concerned mom might as well occupy the property, and it's close proximity to the extended care ward lets her help him out by shopping for him, and visiting him regularly. Sounds like a good arrangement? Now heres the crap!
Mom is also a little nuts. She is quite paranoid, has a HUGE sense of self-entitlement, and is very manipulative. And her paranoia is not unfounded, her Sister, my Aunt, deeply resents her lifestyle, she has free rent, pays no bills, and gets $800 a month from disabilty insurance, plus $200 a month from my Grandfather (an `advance` from her inheritance) $1000/month without any bills equals a pretty good existence. One my Aunt feels she is not entitled to. Mom had a stroke about 8 years ago, and although she seems pretty together when you talk to her, she cannot process numbers, and has about 3 hours a day when she is truly functional. My Aunt refuses to recognize this impairment and when my Mother gets a little confused while talking to her she blames it on her lifestyle, which does include a bit of booze, but nothing excessive by my standards. I think a few other family members support my Aunt's point of view, and it is easy to resent someone who is essentially getting a free ride.
So then there is the paranoia and manipulative behavior, my Mom once spent the night underneath a bridge, prompting a missing persons report, and some pretty extreme behavior on my part, just to make the point that if she is not dealt with on her own terms she will do something extreme. I have made it clear to Mom that her choices are her own, despite her disability, and that if she chooses to go live under a bridge, that is her choice.
The current status-quo has some equilibrium. What I am worried about is when my Grandfather passes away, the family will try to oust my mother from the condo so that it can be sold off. My mother has made it clear that if this happens she will go and live with the bum's in the park, her dog will die of starvation, etc, etc. We will have her ignoble existence staining our soul's FOREVER, unless we capitulate and let her stay on the property until her dying day. And I will be caught between my love for my mother, and the rest of the inheritiors who want their money from the proceeds of the sale of my my Grandfathers property. I usually deal pretty well with situations like this, but this one is too close. Once, while my Mother and Aunt were arguing about who should have certain items in the house(neither of them really wanted them, it was just about what was"fair"), I took several pieces of family china and applied the "rule of solomon", putting them in a bag, bashing them to pieces, and dumping half onto each side of the table.
I am not so much looking for a "what should I do" response, as advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation, and what their contribution to it's resolution was.
Cheers, and thanks for reading a long post!
C/O

 

how old is your mother?

 

60
thanks for reading a short post!
must find some 3d glasses sometime

 

Does your Grandfather have an executor of his will? If so, do you know who it is?

 

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't have any advice, just kind thoughts and hope for a better life for you and your family.

 

you can have a really good talk with her, and pretty much tell her she needs to behave or you'll take her to a retirement home. lol
cuz there, they can take care of her disabilities while making sure she isnt just somewhere on the street.

 

Yes, It's the Aunt I mentioned.

 

Your mother needs to start to function as an adult.

Hard lesson but everyone must grow up at some point and it would seem now is the time for her to do so.

She has the time to prepare now, that is what she should be doing.

 

Oh boy.

Maybe you can slow her roll in probate for a while. Good luck to you, and your Mom!