I'm finally telling my story.[Help!! Thread]

In the summer of 2007, right before school ended, I was at lunch talking to my friends.. high off my ass. Well after the bell rang, I made up this game me and my friend was going to play. [It is stupid I know, but funny at the time.] Me and him was to go around poking random people on our way to class and just walk off. Anyways, we do this and people look at us crazy as fuck. He had to go down a different hall, so we parted ways. I made my way to my technology class, and right before I got to the door, I seen this girl walking in front of me. I poked her. And when she turned around. I felt my heart literally drop into my stomach. I had never felt a feeling so strong before IN MY LIFE! Her name is Mindy. And this is how it all happened...

We talked for a couple of weeks before I had the courage to ask her out. During this time, I was tripping hardcore on DXM all the time... making my feelings enhance x 100. We started hanging out occasionally in my town.. getting to know each other a little better. She reminding me of Aylah.. [She was my girlfriend who passes away 6 months before I met her. After she died, I started using drugs so bad to stay away from reality.. Cause I couldn't deal with it. Dec 6 has been 3 years since she has been gone.] And because of that, it made me love her faster than I should have.

Within second month, I was wrapped around her finger. We started hanging out at her house and what not.. She would show me things her and some of her ex's used to do..[Watch movies, Ride around, Etc.] But she would never have sex with me.. And she told me that her and her ex would do it every weekend. And I thought it was because we could never get alone because we were always at her parent's house. Everyday I would always ask her if she would leave me.. And she would always say this.. "Baby I'll never leave you, I love you so much!" I always told her I didn't just want to be another boyfriend she had. Also, We would go to her bestfriend's house [Andrea] and chill. She never wanted me to kiss her around andrea's dad and I always thought that was weird.. I thought it was because he didn't want 2 kids making out in his house or something.

Within the third month, I was so whipped I would have killed myself for her in a blink of an eye. And I almost did.. One night she calls me up.. And she is drunk.. And before we hang up, I say to her, "Baby, Promise me you won't do anything stupid 2nite?" [Cause she never drinks or smoke or anything.. Well as far as I knew. But she was hanging out with her bestfriend so i didn't really have any doubts. Next day I get up.. its around 4PM and I'm kind of worried cause she calls me every morning to see how i'm doing.. And she hasn't called. So I call Andrea to see whats up.. And this is how the conversation went.. "Hey Andrea whats up? Do you know where mindy is?" "Shane.. You really need to break up with her.. I'm serious." "Why? What happened.." "Shane, I really don't want to tell you. ITS BAD!" "Omg WHAT HAPPENED?!?" "Shane, She cheated on you with my dad.. And we found out she has been doing it for 2 years.." "..." I hang up. I can't even begin to describe those moments after that call because its a blur. Well me and her talk.. and me being so whipped.. I take her back and forgive what she has done because I love her so much. That following weekend, I get drunk with some friends and they plan on staying over at my house that night. So I go to the store to get some Coricidin[AKA DXM] and took as many boxes as I can. I was still drunk and all those thoughts of her cheating just started going through my head. I went into the restroom where I was at, and Started taking coricidin like they were candy. I had over 10 boxes. 16 come in a box. After I had taken them, I started having second doubts about it, So hell I think, It can't be too bad, So I see how many I have left and there is only 5 boxes left. I know i'm going to die. I go around the strip telling all my friends that i'm going to die. Most of them are high so they don't believe me. The rest of that night is a blur.. I should have died. But I didn't. The only thing I remember is getting a cathader in my penis.. and like 100 nurses holding me down. I remember the pain.. I was tripping so hard! The nurse told me I was screaming the whole night.. "MINDY IS GOING TO LEAVE ME! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME MINDY PLEASE!" Well.. her mom works up there.. and she saw me up there when they brought me in... 3 days go by and they move me out of ICU to a regular room. Then my family and mindy come to see me.. After my family leaves.. I ask mindy if she'll ever leave me and she says no...

Within the fourth month, me and her are fussing all the time just about every hour of the day. I'm always wanting to know who she is with or where she is at. And I can't seem to stop worrying about her. It gets so bad her mom starts making up excuses of why I can't come over. Mindy says nobody can come over.. Well this goes on for two months..

During the 7th month.. I find out mindy has been having a guy I know from school come over and play halo 3 with her. He lived right down the road. But when I ask to come over, her mom says nobody can come over.. Well this pisses me off real bad.. And the arguments get worse. Well one night, I call her up to talk to her... And she is playing halo 3 online as always.. And I try to talk to her.. I have to keep repeating myself cause she wasn't even listening to what I was saying.. So I get mad and say.. "Well fuck this mindy, if your not going to listen to me, I'll call another girl that will." And hang up. 10 minutes later I get a txt saying.. "It's over." And I say.. "No its not." And she responds.. "YES IT IS!" I go crazy.. I start losing my mind.. I start making plans to kill the guys at school she was always hanging out with over AIM. I make threats to her.. if she leaves me she'll regret it over the phone. Well her mom sees this..

Monday morning when I get to school.. I have 3 sheriff cars waiting on me.. they call me up to the office and take me to jail. Her mom printed the conversation off and took it up to the school.. the school I loved so much going to. After a week in jail, I get sent to the mental hospital for 2 weeks for evaluation. [Would have been 1 week but I knocked out a worker, got shot up with thorizine, charged with another charge, and threw into the ball room. They call it the ball room for a reason..] The judge says that if I contact her in anyway, I will go back to jail.

After I get out, I start txting her and what not.. And she knows I can't get caught talking to her.. But she doesn't mind cause I guess she still cares for me.. We talk for a while.. argue every now and then.. and one night her mom sees it again.. Prints off the AIM msgs and takes them up the police office and files charges against me. I get charged with aggravated stalking and I have to stay 3 months in jail before I can actually get a bond. [My parents had to hire a 5000 dollar lawyer to get me out so soon.] I got that charge dropped. And when I got out.. I don't talk to her for a while.. This time she starts talking to me.. And then we agree we shouldn't talk anymore for a while...

I txt her every now and then.. I currently have a terroristic threat charge pending against me. But hopefully it won't see the light of day. And even if it does, i've changed so much I should be okay.. I'm on good medication and what not.. I have a some what normal life... But its lonely..

That was 2 years ago.. And I still haven't dated anyone to this day.. I've tried.. But everything reminds me of her when I talk to a girl.. It scares me so bad I don't want to go through that again.. I was on a drug that enhanced my feelings so maybe thats why its so bad.. I have this feeling i'll never date again... I'm so lonely... It's driving me crazy.. I want to date but I JUST CAN'T! I'm SO SCARED! I don't want to be 90 years old and still not have any kids.. or anything..

What the fuck should I do. You know my story. Now give me a solution! ITS BEEN 2 FUCKING YEARS FOR CRYING OUTLOUD!

Update: Btw, she has dated 2 guys since then.. telling them all she loves them.. which makes it even worse. The guy she is with now has a kid.. and she calls her momma... I hate her.. and love her at the same time.. I dream about her 3-4 times a week... Its gotten easier.. but i'll never be the same.

 

Are you still doing drugs? If so, stop. I'd try to get a change of scene too; maybe go away for awhile. Try to get your mind on other things. That's the only solution anyone can give you.

 

I agree with Zorba. If you can get away, I would do that. If you can't, I would seriously consider therapy. Two years is a long time to be obsessed for someone who obviously has gotten over you. Get yourself into a new environment and meet new people.

I'll tell you right now, that once you have been in love for someone like you have, I highly doubt you'll ever really 'move on' but you still have the ability to love other people in the same way, that that's what you need to concentrate on.

Best of luck, man.

 

I guess so. Its really hard to get out of this environment. Because.. I'm still in college..[Almost done though.] And I can't seem to get a job till I get done with college.. so I won't see any stablity till then.. Anymore solutions for the time beings?

 

If you're in college, try to get involved in different groups or in with different crowds.

 

Done tried that.. Everyone in my town is fake.. or a bitch.. or two faced.. or a liar... I hate em all. Ha.

 

There must be the odd 'jewel in the rough.'

 

I have one best friend. And thats it. He has never done me wrong.. the only problem is.. He fiancee is a fucking bitch from hell. She always has something to say. And she constantly puts me down when I hang out with him.. I can't stand her!

 

you were entirely dependant on this girl for your happines, you need to find happiness inside yourself, not in others. Obsession is not a good thing. She was dragging you down, and obviously has issues of her own. Young women can be incredibly cruel, its best just to not let yourself get deeply emotionaly involved with them. Just from reading your story in the first few sentences there were several red flags that she was very bad for you.

When you are young your relationships can seem like they are life ending, but they are not. We have all been there and dated someone who was not good for us in any way at all, just remember there are other fish in the sea.

That being said, i would suggest that you see a therapist, so you can avoid these actions in the future, because otherwise yourself and others may wind up getting hurt someday and you don't want to live with something that you cant change. Making threats against people is pretty serious.

Do good things for yourself, maybe take up a new workout program, maybe change your look, focus on yourself. The thing is, a lot of people are contantly looking to others to make themselves happy. However, if you begin to focus on being positive, you will start to find out that more and more people want to be around you, and eventually someone will come along Its not an easy road, but you can get there. When you have good positive, goal oriented, healthy life, those negative people cant even get close to you, much less effect you.

I can say this first hand, i went through a shitty road in my life, my career was not going good, i was living in a tiny studio apartment etc, when i would date a woman, eventually i would push them away because i was needy, i was partially dependant on them to keep me happy, when things would go sour, i would do stuff like call them too much, just show up on their doorstep, etc, not good things, i was drinking a lot, going out to bars usually 3 nights a week at a minimum. I never went so far as to threaten them, but i would freak out if they were out with their friends, seeing other guys, whatever, i was headed down a road that could of ended very bad. I just was not feeling good about myself at all, and i could not find happiness in others either, even though there were moments, it always ended the same way.

Eventually one day i decided i had enough and i really focused on myself, i started going to the gym damn near every day, started getting my career back in line, i still dated from time to time, but i really didn't put much into it because it was time for ME. Now, a few years later, things are not necessarily perfect, but i have such a better outlook on life, and about 8 months ago i met a great woman who doesn't play all the games, and we are truely meant for each other, and looking back at all the stupid things i did over women that were not worth the time, i realize that things do eventually work out, and if something ends, its usually for the best, because there is a brighter tomorrow.

 

Well.. I have been wanting to go to the gym.. but I don't have my license back yet. So i'm still waiting to get em.. :[

 

Audiovisions is right on the money. You have to learn to love yourself before you can put yourself out there again. If you look to find someone else to make you happy you will never really be happy because you are trying to fix in the other person what is really what you need to fix in your self. If the gym is out of reach, no car or whatever, then lace up your sneakers and start walking use the time to process all your issues. This has helped me and lord knows i've had mad issues over the years. Life will move on and remember what happens today is just that...today. Tomorrows gonna be another day and if this one let you down, wake up fresh and start again. Life is only what you make it, so make it a positive one. Keep a bright outlook and happiness will come to you.

 

How am I supposed to keep a bright outlook on life.. when the only thing that happens in the world is cruelty..

 

That just shows your negative outlook.

 

ITS TRUE! Just because we can't see it all happening doesn't mean it doesn't happen.. When you actually see alot of cruel shit happen.. It will change your outlook on life.. especially when it happens to you.

 

That blows man, I was in a few relationships that grew sour. The best thing is, to try to relax and get away. Take a trip somewhere, do some soul searching while away.

 

Exactly... But there is a problem with that as well.. :[

 

You said that cruelty was the only thing that happens in the world. If you really believe that, you have a negative outlook. Sure, all kinds of cruel shit happens -- but a lot of good shit happens too.

 

how?
with getting away? or soul searching?

 

Well I rarely see it.. watch the news... you'll see what i'm talking about mostly... and then be in my shoes 4 years back.

 

If you are talking about doing psychedelics then i can't.. unless there is some way around my problem.. I take suboxone.. and a beta blocker.