I'm begging the people that post in here

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by somethingwitty, Jan 8, 2005.

  1. Pleeaaaasssse, pleeaaase, pleaaaassseee stop using cliches in your poetry.

    Also, if you want to be an effective poet create a scene that people can relate to and picture in their heads. Don't say something cliched like "I am a lonely, lone wolf" Or "She was a beautiful Goddess," etc.

    Sorry, but I keep reading through this section expecting something decent, but it never happens, just hoping to help people write some more effective stuff.
     
  2. turnthepage

    turnthepage Member

    please give examples of what you consider effective, preferably using your own poetry. This would be more 'helpful'. I looked for poems by you here, but found none. Hopefully you're not just another critic, who can judge others without being able to do the work yourself.
     
  3. clockworkorangeagain

    clockworkorangeagain femme fatale

    well somethwitty i would have to say that alot of people are probably young and learning to develop style..it is hard t find a voice sometimes, and often people dont know much more than hackneyed truths and cliches.....i understand exactly your point...i hate to see it, i refrain from using it.....doesnt make me a better poet cos im sure mine is shit, but let the people learn and grow in their own indivdual way even if it doesnt seem individual...it is nice to perhaps subtley let them know that it is there when you see it, but perhaps the ppl you mean will read this and not even know it is them you mean...
     
  4. maryjaneguitargurl

    maryjaneguitargurl I am just like you.

    heres some shit i wrote..im still trying to learn how to express myself.
    "Phony"
    kill the demons that distort my path, my vision of the feeling of the textures on your soft face. I get lost in this moment and I cant remember. Oblivion. String on my finger. Smirk on your face. Who are you. What are you. My heart pumps out of the fear of what you are. YOur him.

    "My manmade kingdom"
    Clap, stop, turn, light the flame
    you place your cold hand in mine
    build me a kingdom of men and women wherewe can run to the whick of burning desire. you walk me to my throne. I look, i cry, they turn, they die. I saw, I killed blood fills the streets. It rains. The stains on your shirt. The promises that were made, now, all gone. Rising trees, rocks, fall. earth. dies. children cries. Take me now. no, I cant. Take the thrown. Take the silence. The whisper is here. You stole it. The flame is bigger. Burns my kingdom. Clap , Stop, Turn, put out the flame.

    you can critise that i know its shit haha

    peace
    chickens
     
  5. Templedragon

    Templedragon Peace through Spirit

    pfffft
     
  6. DarkStar

    DarkStar Member

    Well I was gonna start throwing my stuff in here, guess not now.
     
  7. White Scorpion

    White Scorpion 4umotographer

    I guess everyone has a point. My philosophy is: If you don't like what you're reading, click on something else. In a way I can understand some literarians' plight for more creative and less cliched verse. By the way, MaryJaneGuitarGirl, I don't think anyone can criticize your word sorcery! I myself have toiled for many years in order to produce such a poem that would generate a warm feeling in any critic's heart and would finally make them admit that this site truly is a rennaissance of enlightened geniuses that make an outstanding contribution to the literature of the 21st century. Anyway, put on your seatbelt, here goes:

    AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGHH!
    You stepped on my toe!
    You big fuckin hoe!
    You want literature?
    Your brain is a miniature!
    Prrrrrrraaaaaaay theeee!
    Get the fuck out my face,
    Before I spray you with mace!
    You ding dong chicken fuck,
    Get on you knees and doo doo suck!

    The clouds that rained awhile,
    Whilst strolling memory's mile,
    And the gentle oceans blue,
    Left my heart's loved one true.
    The golden angels sung,
    To the flowers from Batang.
    So I wondered through the hay...

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
    Fuck off and die!
    You cliched motherfucker,
    I'm gonna teach you to lie.
    Step on my toe again bitch,
    I'll sell your ass and become rich.
    Fuck O fuck O fuck
    Off

    It's a poem that has a bit of energy and has taken me years in research of language forms in order to shape it into verse. Obviously, it's a far cry from Wordsworth, but you can see the potential. Still, one can't avoid the odd cliche, or two, so you'll have to try and forgive the obvious:'doo-doo suck'. I'll try and write some more after I've seen my patients.;)
     
  8. littleskinny

    littleskinny Member

    somethingwitty I'd say keep persevering. As everyone has said above there's a diverse array of experience on this forum, as well as a whole wealth of motivations for this gathering of poets. Some people (as they're so quick to point out) aren't trying to be good poets, just expressive. Not my cuppa tea, but each to their own. Anyways, sometimes, just sometimes, you stub your toe on a gem, and maybe it's buried in a verse of weary cliche, but two words, or a couplet, or a bit of cunning punctuation, is exhilirating to find, and a sign that there is hope after all.....happy reading!:)
     
  9. Nobody made me an expert, but it doesn't take an expert to know that poetry fill with cliches isn't so hot.


    I wasn't rude, or obnoxious, and I didn't single anyone out. If I was blunt, I'm sorry, but that's just me. If you consider that so very insulting perhaps you should examine yourself. Like I said, I was just hoping to help somebody write better stuff.

    And for everyone who asked where my stuff was, you're right, its easier to criticize. So here is something of mine, rip it apart if you want, let me know what you think. All I ask is that you read it through a few times.

    Damnit, this thing keeps on changing the format waaay around, but none the less here is.



    The worst part about it,

    Or at least the worst part

    about it

    initially,

    was that someone

    saw it happen. “Are ‘jou alright man?”

    “Yes…” I couldn’t

    feel a thing.

    “…how does my face look?”

    The first thing I replayed was the

    cold and light

    just as my high cheek bone was

    sucked onto the asphalt.

    The worst part about it,

    after the asphalt and orchard worker knew I was,

    was that I knew,

    in several seconds,

    my body would know.

    I also had to ride home

    with my brashly contrasting left butt exposed through torn lycra,

    my high cheek and chin, also too lively colored, while

    black 1983 Chevy trucks snickered and maybe yelled at me,

    that too was part of the worst part.

    There weren’t any rigs to run me over

    when I crashed, which is good I thought.

    The bike appeared it would live, and could probably still spin my legs home.

    Homeward in a low, slow gear I passed some plump

    Hispanic mothers, walking with strollers the opposite way.

    Their looks worried me

    almost as much as I perceived mine to trouble them.

    I made it home on an easy downhill slope

    and no one was there. Myself seeing my body in the mirror

    was glad I was home. The worst part was that I knew I

    was going to feel a bit more furious when I woke up

    the next

    day.


     
  10. helen-maple

    helen-maple Member

    hey, what the fuck?

    dont you know what poetry is all about?
    its expression.
    i dont mind critiszzmmms but come on, its so rude to tell this whole forum to change because you cant find anything good to read?

    grr. maybe my stuff isnt that great. maybe i use cliches, i dont care, i speak thru my heart. thats all that matters.

    i didnt read your poetry... i couldnt find it captivating enough to continue thru.
     
  11. KittenX

    KittenX Purrrific

    Oh you're so blunt, so original, you rebel you. Give me a break. You sir, are a cliche.
     
  12. NaykidApe

    NaykidApe Bomb the Ban

    This guy's like somebody who walks into McDonalds, orders fillet mignon, then demands to see the chef when he can't get it.

    None the less, he has inspired me to change my style:

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue...


    Wait! Even better:

    There once was a man from Nantuchet....
     
  13. clockworkorangeagain

    clockworkorangeagain femme fatale

    something witty you had to know you were going to get criticised...but i have to say i liked it......i didnt love it, but i liked it and i have seen poetry that resembles its form... i guess its all in the form, but yeah...i though it was good!
     
  14. browneydgrl

    browneydgrl Member

    all poetry is not meant to be breathtaking and utterly unique. everyone in here deserves props for their work. a very important thing about poetry is that it is a selfish endeavor. mostly, poets write for themselves. the rest of us may read and identify, but the backbone of emotion that went into the creation of a poem belongs solely to its creator
     
  15. Ok, maybe this would help if we looked a different art form. If somebody asked you to come listen to them play at a saxophone recital, and they made it sound like a dying cow, would you encourage them to keep on playing like that?

    Honestly if what I said offended or enraged anyone, you must in some way know what I said is true, otherwise you wouldn't get so fussy about it.

    Like I already said, I didn't single anyone out, or call anyone any names, or say that anyone was stupid, or didn't have ability or anything like that (which most of you did to me..hmm) If you can't take someone saying a work isn't very good don't post it in a public place.

    ..and if poetry is such a selfish and personal endeavor, why post it here??? Just to get praise??? Please grow up. Stop pretending (hehehe, as the cliche goes...) that your crap doesn't stink.

    Not everything someone spews out deserves praise. If you posted here to get feedback, well I gave you feedback, I'm trully sorry if I came off as an elitist, that wasn't my intention.


    About my poem, the form of it in terms of syntax and visual blocking was much different before I put it into the post box thing, it basically butchered it.
     
  16. Templedragon

    Templedragon Peace through Spirit

    Pfffft!
     
  17. DarkStar

    DarkStar Member

    You cannot, will not , should not ,must not , EVER EVER disconcern poetry, if it is obvious bullshit, dont post, how in the world can you critisize creatvity???
     
  18. Templedragon

    Templedragon Peace through Spirit

    My poem

    troll cottage

    it has been rumored in certain circles
    that trolls look up to the scum that lives on the surface of ponds.

    they deliberately stir shit up
    usually because they feel powerless in their own lives

    a blue cloud of hypocrisy bellows
    irrelevant in any meaningful way

    merely serving as a flea on the back of
    humanity and the artistic endeavors of the masses

    souring grapes fermenting in a pool
    of forgotten and disregarded efforts

    sadly, love and respect
    are missed on some people, their loss
     
  19. White Scorpion

    White Scorpion 4umotographer

    Pfft.
    Sorry Templedragon, I owe you one (even if it is good:p )
    Well, some guy called Somethingwitty sitting somewhere in the world has reached the part of his student life where he's learned from some old goat in the education system the word 'cliche'. Whoopee fucking do! Good for you! Will I criticize you for it? No! Do you know why? Because I did the same when I was your age. It's not unnatural. It's a bit like your balls dropping. I respect your opinion, although your purpose of helping others, if you honestly think about it, is a bit lame. You want to help others write better poetry? What if we don't want to write better poetry? Anyway, I don't want to be critical on you, you have the right to say what you want and I have the right to listen to what I want, so by all means thank you for the constructive criticism on cliches, which I have no intention to adopt. In 10 years time, you'll be writing the same shit as the rest of us. Come to think of it, you already have! Welcome to the club, dadio!
     
  20. Templedragon

    Templedragon Peace through Spirit

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