I'm A Drug Addict. What's Your Drug Of Choice?

I found this video today and I liked it. It made me think about my drug addiction. I am a drug addict.

My drugs of choice are nicotine and caffeine.

http://youtu.be/fE30tBJNB6w

I'm ill. I've been sick for a long time. Lots of problems. I know that I drink too much coffee. My digestive system (and nervous system) is a wreck. I know it's time .. I have to get serious about emphysema.

I get sleep paralysis pretty regularly. One time, I woke up during an episode and not only was my body paralyzed, my lungs were too. I wasn't breathing. I'd fall back to sleep and wake up again, not breathing. What's the first thing I do every day when I wake up? Consume (or over-consume) my breakfast of cigarettes and coffee. That day following sleep paralysis was no different.

Cigarette smoking is how I breathe. If I go without a smoke, I feel like I'm suffocating. When I need to breathe, I light a Marlboro. The thought of not having cigarettes is absolute dread. I panic. I obsess.

When I have cigarettes I feel so much better. Relief. Security.

I've collapsed in public, due to being so ill. I hadn't smoked a cigarette for about 3 weeks, on account of e-cigs. I was motivated. I thought for sure I could ditch tobacco and stay with the e-cigs permanently. Wrong. E-cigs are great and I enjoy them but nothing compares to the satisfaction of a real smoke. Anyway, I burned out my new, month old e-cig battery (from over-drawing on it, of course) and ended up having to get myself a pack of Reds. I smoked that first cigarette in weeks while walking down the street. Finished it, walked into a store and started to feel like Hell itself. I was woozy at the register, couldn't wait to get outside. Hurriedly I left, turned the corner and hit the ground.

For about ten minutes, I could not move. I knew right then and there that it was the cigarette that kicked my ass. I had the very most difficult walk of my entire life that night. I made it home, sat down and lit up a cigarette.

The man in the video, on the bed, flipping out: I do that.

I'm out of smokes today but I'm stocked and loaded with backups: banana, pineapple, watermelon and red tobacco e-liquids with 4 batteries. *wicked grin*

You know what? No matter how ill I am .. and will worsen over time .. I really don't want to give up my coffee & cigarettes because my world actually is better with my coffee and my smokes.

 

I want to say that it's never too late to change, but I've been down before, and I know that hope can seem so far out of reach as to be nonexistent. I got better, but I had to give up some things in order to gain wellness. At first it was like being alone and naked and cold. But at some point, you turn a corner and things get better.

 

It's interesting to me that hard drugs are often thought to be heroin, cocaine, pills .. things I can't identify with or relate to.

Well, nicotine and caffeine are hard drugs. I'm in no denial. I know I'm a drug addict.

I just don't want to give 'em up.

CVS stopped selling tobacco products. I'm happy for them, that's great. I like what they're doing. I'm seeing the Quit Train more and more lately, and I'm also seeing more and more showcasing of smoking pleasure.

I'm in the pleasure camp.

I know better. Even if I stopped caffeine and nicotine, I'm still going to be sick. Been sick all my life. I'm never going to have Health and wellness and I won't delude myself about that fact. Do my drugs of choice make me sicker? Sure. Will getting rid of them heal me, cure me, save me? Absolutely not.

I think what drove me to write this today is all the references I've been seeing lately .. more more more about quitting .. more more more about the things we do because we want to, and enjoy doing it.

Oh well anyway, it's just another day. There is no end, until it ends.

 

I'll find some pot?

 

lol

 

Something tells me that you already have . . .

 

I had the privilege of toking with some fantastic medicinal marijuana a few years ago. It was so good I'd never use anything but. I think that stuff is just great. A new dispensary opened in my town a couple of months ago. Maybe I'll look into it. I don't know.

 

Hash-ish in a water pipe?

 

Nah... I gotz nuthin'



And it's the only thing that works for chronic pain. Just not available

 

Hej, Sheels na Gig? And i still can't tell my stomach ache from just being tired in the wind.

 

The nausea in my stomach just empties the infection in my throat, and there is no reason for either. If I get diarrhea I'm in trouble.


I got it under control. Don't worry, guys.

 

When I was attending AA meetings in my twenties, some members wouldn't hesitate to condemn pot-smokers as addicts. I made them angry by pointing out that nicotine and caffeine were drugs by definition, and that, technically, they were using. Of course, they took offense at my observation, and then reminded me that coffee never caused them to lose chunks of time, and that cigarettes never caused them to forget things. And of course, me, being me, told them that the cigarettes must have caused them to forget about their lungs, and that they ingested caffeine for its mood altering effect. They didn't talk to me much after that.

I wish you well.

 

It certainly isn't easy to live with sickness and pain. Especially chronic sickness and chronic pain.

 

Well I don't know what their problem is. That's the sort of thing that would make me want to listen to more of what you had to say. Why'd they shut down?

Caffeine use disorder is included in Section III of DSM-5: http://www.dsm5.org/Documents/Substance%20Use%20Disorder%20Fact%20Sheet.pdf

Thanks for the well-wishing storch, and right back at ya.

 

Sorry to hear this. I used to smoke and was able to quit. It was hell for about 3 days, then sort of hell for 11 more days, and then it just kept getting easier.

You seem to be in much deeper though. As much as I'd like to encourage you to quit, you're probably right that you can't.

Acupuncture, Chinese herbal medicine, and qi gong/yoga/meditation might help you both with your general health and also quitting.

Wishing you the best.

 

Stomach troubles are difficult. I couldn't offer the slightest advice, except stay very well hydrated with water. I've lived with severe and excruciating stomach pain for a very long time. One of my children has a super-sensitive stomach. She vomits, spontaneously. It must be a genetic thing for us. She's had it since she was born just as I have always had my belly trouble all of my life, too.

I hope you find whatever makes you feel comfortable, and as well as can possibly be. Sometimes, we simply have to live with illness.

 

I never said I can't, just that I don't want to. And I really don't.

I thought the best of e-cigs, though. I was like, cool .. way to keep smoking, half the cost, and my lungs might improve. bah-hahaha. NOT. I have quit smoking, for pregnancies, and it was very easy to do. But I just love to smoke. I dunno, I think I feel harassed with all the calls for people to quit smoking.

My answer is NO.

 

Children have tummy aches from sweets. I never do.

 

Craven eh? menthol green. Maybe if I grow to be twice my age, I would smoke those again and feel hot.

 

i smokea the weed.. I need my cannabis like a fish needs water. maybe not so much need. but I like to have even when I dont smoke...