If your SO cheats on u, but u got everything you wanted, would u be upset?

Or just let it fly... curious

 

Nope, and it’s not cheating if both parties agree.

 

I mean behind your back without permission

 

Everything I want includes my wife not cheating on me so this isn't possible

 

If i found out id be like hit the road jack. If she cheats on u she doesnt view u as significant

 

I agree it's just sex let her have some fun . no jealousy no drama

 

The two things are incompatible - cheating spouse and getting everything you want.

Didn't you write the marriage vows, or accept those offered to you as standard language that include the words "forsaking all others"? If you specifically excluded the forsaking-all-others reference to monogamy, meaning you didn't want monogamy, and your spouse didn't promise monogamy, then the spouse therefore didn't cheat. The question still doesn't make sense.

As far as "being upset," you're also pre-supposing that you found out the spouse was cheating, but you don't mention discovery. If you don't know, there's nothing to be upset about - you still think you got what you wanted (monogamy), even though you didn't. Being oblivious to a spouse's cheating, there is nothing to be upset about.

OK, so fixing all the flaws in the question: wanted monogamy, spouse cheated, and I found out spouse cheated (so I didn't quite get all that I wanted), I probably would not be "upset" as in angry. The initial discovery would be unpleasant, but I wouldn't stay angry. It would be time to either re-negotiate the vows and come to a mutual agreement, or to end the marriage, or to take some other action that would change the situation to make it more to my liking.

How do I know how I'd deal with it? I once had a cheating spouse so I know how I felt and what I did. I can say that anger really didn't factor-into my actions. Now, decades later, I don't stay angry about anything. I can't think of the last thing about which I was angry other than briefly. It doesn't happen anymore. When something unpleasant happens, there is either some action to be taken by me, or there isn't, but embracing anger for a prolonged period is a poor choice. I control my actions and attitude. I don't control anyone else's. I learned a long time ago not to embrace anger - it makes a poor traveling companion.

 

If it was early in our relationship, I think I'd let it go if I was getting what I needed too. See where it goes from there, maybe it'll be an open relationship?

If its NOW? After 18 years and 3 kids ... that'd be a huge blow - pun fully intended. I'd like to know if I can watch haha

 

My college gf cheated on me, when I found out we talked about it she wanted to work things out and stay together.

I wanted revenge so I cheated on her, when she found out I returned the favor she could not get past it we split a few months later.

 

Sure, you could always re-negotiate or re-define the relationship. Many couples divorce as a result of the deception, so it's better to seek consent ahead of time unless the marriage isn't going to continue anyway. If she had a lover, and you didn't necessarily want one, you could always agree to allow it to continue. Watching? Why not. Many men are into watching their wives pleasured by other men.

It isn't all that unusual for a long-married couple to decide to open the relationship. If my ex-wife had told me she wanted sex with another guy before actually doing it, I might have gone along with it and wanted to watch.

 

Early in our relationship my wife just seemed attract lots of male attention. I decided early on not to be a jerk and savor her sensuality instead of sending my time standing guard. Eventually we spent an amazing night in a MFM triad and everyone was better off for it. More than 45 years later she still attracts a lot of attention and my attitude is the same as all those years ago.

 

I guess I grew up everybody got divorced when I was little get married got divorced again my sister has been divorced 6 times my mother's been divorce 4 my father's been divorced 6 times by the time I got married at 27 I just don't believe in monogamous marriages. So I shared my girlfriends and I shared my wife we were swingers and I enjoy the lifestyle we both got star sexual pleasures and we stayed together what's 30 years. Now I'm on my third wife knows my past and she knows if she does have an affair I'm not going to divorce her I'm going to support her.

 

Postman no I wouldn't get upset she wanted to have a date . And she has say is am going out with a friend. I would say have fun am 67 yo my wife 45 she deserves a night out every once in a while.

 

My wife and I were committed to each other and almost engaged in college. We were in different colleges, and she had permission to date others when I wasn't available. She ended up having sex with several other guys before we actually got engaged, which I consider cheating. She didn't tell me about it until several years after we married. By then, I found her stories exciting and had no reason to blame her for her actions. AFter we married, she had permission to do whatever she wanted, so no reason for me to be upset.

 

The question is hard to understand. My interpretation is if I was getting enough sex from my spouse would I be upset if she had sex outside the relationship without my knowledge. I'll answer it that way. Certainly I was upset when she revealed to me a fling with a former BF. It occurred early on in our marriage when she spent an afternoon with him unbeknownst to me. Upon her return I felt a different air about her but our sex life didn't change. Weeks later at my prodding she revealed her infidelity. She needed to know if she had made the right choice between him or myself. She only met up with him to see if she had feelings for him still. They ended up having sex. She claimed it was unplanned and even though she may or may not have been level with me I took it for the truth. Over and done with no damage to our relationship. She may have had other trysts that I am unaware of. She's had plenty of opportunities over the years. I can't complain as I have had my own share of partners other than my spouse. Sex is not part of our relationship anymore. But then there's a lot more to a long term relationship than sex. A whole lot.

 

My wife doesn't "cheat." Yes, she has a boyfriend that I know all about, and I wholeheartedly approve. He's actually a great guy.
Her relationship with him has enhanced our marriage, and our sex life. It's all good.
Him and I are like night and day. Polar opposites.
I know my wife needs more (especially sexually) than what I alone can provide, and I'm happy that she gets all her needs/desires met between him and I.

 

If she's cheating, then I didn't agree to it. and she's packing and leaving. Broken trust can't be easily mended. My mindset says, "If she did i once, she'll do it again."
I love to play, but when I make a commitment, I honor that commitment. no matter what it is.

Sore subject. it did happen. I will never rust her again. And guess what, she cheated on her next man too. I wasn't married to her, but he married her, then she got caught in his bed with the same guy she cheated on me with.

 

:-(

 

"U" is not a word.

 

That's not possible, like an oxymoron. Who has everything they need if their spouse cheats on them? That's one of the things that involves everything I want, a spouse who wouldn't cheat on me but some couples have an open marriage or a more tolerable relationship that allows that certain benefit that helps hold them together. In cases where the husband has a pysical affliction that prevents him from getting an erection, I can see how it could be a matter of them staying together or not. I've had it happen to me and it's an ego buster and proposes a thousand questions. All that boil down to one and the same answer. I married a slut.