If only the wife participates, can an open marriage succeed long term?

My husband and I have been married for about 6 years. I have fairly recently begun a relationship with another man with my husbands full knowledge and blessing. My husband has no interest in an outside relationship of his own and he says he shares the excitement and happiness I feel when I get to untether myself from the marriage bond for a night/weekend with the other man. My husband and I, and the other man are all very open and honest with each other and share a trusting, mutual respect. So far everything is working out just fine but I fear something so beautiful might not last.

Are there others of you in similar relationships whose marriage is still strong over a long period of time?

I'll admit I like this other man an awful lot, more than like really, but I love my husband dearly. I would gladly (but sadly) give up this other man if I thought this arrangement would harm my marriage.

For the record, my husband was the first to suggest that I indulge my attraction to the other man, but I'm glad he did and I would like this to go on forever.

 

sounds like there are strings attached and it is an affair! I don't give your marraige long at all....sorry

 

Well to me like you said your marriage bond is somewhat already broken, its kind of a hindsight issue. You said your husband gave you the green light though so if that's what he said he can't really blame you, although It might have been a more begrudging reluctance and him finally caving in, I dont know his side of the story. I'm certainly no expert on these extramaritial affairs or whatever euphemism you have for them but it seems like your developing feelings for this other guy too which is not good.

 

i've personally known four couples, three married and one not. who had open relationships and none of them have lasted either.i'm not an expert, just speaking from firsthand knowledge. tread at your own risk

 

Yeah, that sounds totally healthy..

 

Were any boundaries established when this started? It's one thing to have some fun with a fuck buddy but you indicated that you are starting to fall in love with this guy.This should have been established in the boundaries as "out of bounds"

Why did you bring it here? I sense your torn up inside and might be feeling like you betrayed your husband for having stronger feelings then intended. He introduced the idea. Boundaries should have been set. The best thing you can do is end it with this other guy. Set boundaries and keep your options open in the future with this guy as off limits.

I don't know how long you've been married, but with this other guy, be cautious not to confuse love with lust. This guy knows your married... he is more then likely aware it'll end and has taken measures to prevent him from getting himself attached. He should have been a casual fuck buddy and nothing else. Something tells me Dr Drew would tell you that this is all wrong and very unhealthy and that you should end it right away before any more feelings develop and jepordize your marriage.

but the question is, what do you want to happen?

 

Here's my perspective. I have learned that simplicity is the key. For me personally having only 2 people in a relationship is complex enough. And it is really complex between the day to day nitty gritty hard factual stuff like what to eat for dinner, and where is the money going and to more esoteric stuff like intimacy and emotional entanglements. These things have a direct impact on each other. Then each person you add to the relationship beyond that point is like an independent variable that adds infinite complications to the whole equation. What started out sounding like a good idea that would make everybody happy then turns into a complete cluster fuck. Miscommunication, hurt feelings, bruised egos, feelings of betrayal the whole 9. Granted this is just the opinion of a "Jaded Asshole," in the OP's words.

Peace Out,
Rev J

 

You're going down a slippery slope

and then up again. Then down again.

Then up.
Down.

 

Actually it was more like me caving in over time. My husband teased me over several weeks about how good sex with the other man could be. Even the smallest drip of water will wear down a rock eventually, and my natural resistance to extramarital sex was hardly a rock. I liked the man a lot and its only natural to want to be with someone you like so much

 

I think you should probably consider how your husband would feel had he known he might have been potentially sharing your affections with somebody else- and not having just meaningless sex

because, to be frank, you know it as much as anybody- you're just going to start liking this guy more as time progresses.

You should knock it on the head. If you really want to still practice this sort of lifestyle, find someone else.

 

^^^^ This.

 

DrDrew.com

I guess its a few years before your time on Mtv... /sigh... gettin old i guess

Talking about it and getting your feelings out in the open is the best way to sort them out. Seeking support from friends or peeps here is also good for dealing with it.

My guess, you crossed your own boundary and now know that you must break it off. I once many years ago walked away from a similar "cluster fuck" it actually had started to ruin the serious long term relationship. It hurt, but I focused the energy on the serious relationship... still together after 17 years.

If I wouldn't have walked away from the fuck buddy and never seen her again... I know I'd have alot of regrets by now... but I have no regrets now. Could've it worked? not the way i was starting to feel. Thats some hindsite for ya!

 

Your arrangement would not work for me, If I ever get married again I would not mind my wife having a fuck buddy, but it would have to be a two way street, I would want my own and also have 3 or 4 ways with my wife included, but that,s just me.

 

I'm completely open to my husband having the same type of arrangement. I would have to be, wouldn't I? It's just that he has absolutely no interest.

I'm too much of a private person to have multi-way orgies so to speak, It just isn't me, or my husband thankfully. Sex isn't necessarily recreational for me, and I'm not into all those gymnastics or sexual acrobatics either. I guess I'm too much of a romantic.

 

Clearly physical cheating isn't an issue for you and your husband. But you crossed a boundary. Emotional cheating is still cheating. You've just said you don't think it's love. That doesn't sound convincing at all. You also say you'll miss it if you hand to end it. That means you'll get hurt. You might not be the only person who gets hurt. I could never live with the arrangement that you do. I'd be insulted to know that my husband wanted me to have a relationship with someone else.

Bull shit. It's a weakness. A pretty shitty one at that. It's natural to want to be with someone you like, but another thing to go ahead and do it.

You know it's a pretty shite arrangement- Otherwise you'd not be asking strangers opinions. You're a cheat. Finish it.

 

Contradiction much? Since your relationship with your bit-on-the-side was never about the physical side of sex, emotions were involved from the start. Sounds like it was always a recipe for disaster.

 

Your husband sounds like a tool. lol, but if it works than I say go for it. if he's not getting any strange, and he's not a total tool jeliousy will take him.

 

I agree that emotions were involved from the start. I've said as much in here and I've never denied it - in here or to my husband. In fact, sex just for the sake of sex is just not me. I have to have that emotional connection for the sex to work.

What I have asked for on here are other's opinions. Yours is harsh, but fair, and I thank you for that. And I sincerely thank everyone for their input. It seems that most agree with you, Dolly, but I still haven't heard from anyone who is now or ever has been in a similar situation. Is it all that unusual for a woman to be in a quasi-emotional relationship with her husbands full knowledge and support?

I think I shall see what other opinions show up here, maybe throught the weekend, and then sit down with my husband to discuss the whole thread before I do anything I might regret.

Again, thanks!

 

I don't know what you mean by "tool". I don't feel I used him, but maybe he is an enabler - I don't know. but thanks for expressing your view.