I think he has a one track mind. Jane and I have numerous friends of the opposite gender and never give it a second thought. After more than 45 years, we just trust each other. LOL
Yes it fucking matters are you serious? If there's a spouse they need to be involved or otherwise it is a violation of trust i Edit to add: i think i may have misunderstood the question
In my opinion, you need to calmly discuss this with him. It's not really clear what he's trying to say. The main thing is not to be hysterical.
It depends. I could write a short book here referencing my friends and their wives relationships and how they work/don't work. Simply put, one couple stay together because she's happy with that comfortable (material) life. They have sex with whomever they choose to and whilst she 'knows' he has sex elsewhere, and doesn't like it, he doesn't care what she does for her sexual kiks. Another friend has a sexless marriage and blames his wife's menopause on her disinterest. He knows she and I talk openly but not so much as to know that she has said to me several times that she desperately wants sex with him but he doesn't get her going and she usually ends up frustrated and tearful. And sometimes she feels her body was just used for his pleasure. She and I have had sex and she is certainly interested in such pleasures. And there's another guy who has no interest in sex with his partner (he's on some meds for osteo issues), but he won't let her go elsewhere for sexual gratification - even if its just sex and not an affair. I think selfishness seems to be a factor in all of them. As for me, I don't mind if the woman is married and needs or wants sex with me. (not that there are many though over the years there's been about 10-12). But she needs to decide if she will stay or leave and if she'll stay she must be honest with her husband. He's entitled to her honesty as much as she's entitled to sexual pleasure. Sometimes sex outside the relationship can help it last or delay the inevitable. Sometimes sex outside the relationship can trigger both to be more focused on each other but if trust is broken that's unlikely. Sometimes sex outside the marriage can give affirmation of their (usually the female) beauty and attractiveness, boosting confidence. So the OP question is too narrow. So many variables. There's another friend who's female and red haired. Too fiery or likely to spontaneously combust for my liking though she is bloody attractive, with the additional 'phwoah' from her hair color. She had a fling with a guy (not me), because she wasn't getting enough attention from her husband. (I can't say I am surprised because even after bout 6 yrs of marriage she wanted sex with him 3-4 times a day.) She felt guilty about the fling and started a conversation about how they needed to improve their relationship. All was going quite well, she said, and so, to be honest with him, she mentioned her fling thinking he would admit to having had extra-marital sex too. (How could he have had extra sex when she was draining him so much (was my thought)). Trust was gone. He hadn't been playing away and whilst, he said, he could have coped with her doing it, he couldn't cope with it being done in secret. Had he known he would have been OK with it and may have joined in if she wanted. But not now because the trust was gone. I'm not sure how much of that was said for dramatic effect but today he is in such an open relationship and still good after 8 yrs. When That trust was lost - probably at the time of the fling when she did it - it was definitely gone at that moment. For him it was all over and she was gone from their home within 15 minutes. So, imv, it can matter if one is married but how it matters is the important and variable point. Apart from truth, trust and openness with each other being of fundamental importance, there's other things too. Not judging another by our own standards is key. That being a compatibility matter, it should have be worked out before making or accepting a proposal of marriage. Not being possessive of the partner/wife/husband is another. Each is entitled to live autonomously as much as the other is. As adults (equally), we have that entitlement - and how we live autonomously is what should be clear before marriage so both parties know what they're getting into. The status of married is of lesser importance than those other issues, I think. my 2c
Well it should but sadly enough in today's world and society it doesn't matter to most people nor is it considered a sacred institution as it was intended. I've had women flirt and all but come onto me when I've been married and displaying a ring to see. And likewise I still have men texting and calling and sending my wife dick piics regardless if she's made it clear she's taken and not interested. I have little doubt that if she was still into going out and shopping or a few drinks with a friend she'd have men trying to buy her drinks and pick her up. Same with my exes, who had a hard time saying no to men who showed them consistent interest.
